Hi Ketch,

So sorry to hear about the big let down you experienced with Tim. I know you were so looking forward to seeing him. Ahhh life can suck sometimes. But just think how much fun December 13th will be. Absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say. Also, sorry about the falls. I know what you mean about sliding into home base. Its easier on the hips and knees. Anyway, your units are going down and December is coming. Enjoy looking forward to your rondevu. I just know it will be amazing!

Stay warm.....

Best,

Hey Ketch,

Seems like you are still on the self-discovery learning curve... it's a really tough and steep one for us all. But you are doing so well. Great that you've figured out what triggers you to drink. I guess the key learning is to ask, "What will I do differently when this happens?"

Also - not sure if there's a Christmas Club or Secret Santa on this board, but I'm up for buying you some special needs ice shoes... :
[img]
http://catalog.sears.ca/wcsstore/Master ... 2224_P.jpg[/img]

Take care, Andy.

Dismal, dark, dreary days of destructive drunkeness.

Dear friends, I have been hitting it hard in days (daze) of late. I don't know why but my intake has been ever so high. Idontgiveaflyingfuckanyway. I am, of course, hungover and I look like hell-- eyes bloodshot, face puffy, head hazy. Why do I do this??

Oh yeah, that little thing that causes huge consequencial and residual torment: alcoholism. I feel damned to a lifestyle, chained to a habit that will not back down a millimeter!

My numbers are obnoxiously high. 77 units in the past 7 days. The whole binge culminated into blacked out oblivian last night. I am Gretel once again on the hunt for breadcrumbs and clues. I woke up in utter grogginess, makeup pasted to my face, mascara matted to my eyelids, teeth unbrushed, bra still on-(insert a big, deep sigh here) and then I see a six pack of Coors Light on my desk, one having been ingested and a small bag potato chips. Swell. I feel like I am just as alcoholically inclined as I was in my first four months on TSM. I lack restraint and I lose control.

Let's search for a silver lining shall we? Here goes: I've been drinking only beer lately. With just one shot last night of that cinnamon whiskey and four glasses of wine sprinkled in when beer ran out. I don't know why this is any kind of upside. Perhaps it's not.

Whatever. There is no upside to this kind of trecherous self-abuse.

Okay-here's one-- at least I had fun while intoxicated! It really is a joyful feeling while I am buzzed up. Truly euphoric. It's the following day that's a bitch.

Anyway, thought I'd share my so-called progress though it doesn't feel like progress at all.

As far as the teacher goes-- don't ask.

Besides, I have to work on myself first. I liken it to "working out the bugs and glitches." Then, on the other side of this seemingly never ending tunnel-- I will be able to offer another a splendidly balanced partner. I can't quite do that yet.

There is one ray of sunshine-- Ripley, my furry, little, four-legged son smiled as he sat on Santa's lap while the two were adorably photographed. That photo will be a keeper. I'm off to tend bar in about an hour. The last thing I feel like doing is drinking. So perhaps I will be safe from myself.... for now, dear ones. For now.

Thanks Andy for the link for the attachable spikes! Good advice as per usual, my friend!

Here's to hoping your trail is much less dusty than mine,

Ketchikan1

Hi Ketch

Sorry to hear you've had a rough week. I've had my share of those to, so can relate. I relate to not cleaning teeth (although I'm normally OTT & clean my teeth 3 times a day!), raccoon eyes & falling asleep dressed or half dressed! And the bloodshot eyes with dark circles underneath. Sometimes I wonder why I went thru all the pain & expense of having a face lift when I drink too much & look like ****!

Hope things are improving

Cheers
Sticky

Awww Ketch sorry to hear about the recent bender and what sounds like bad news about the teacher. Maybe things are patch-up-able with the teacher? Just keep taking your nal. I truly believe that things will turn around for you.

Oh, man! Ketch, I feel funny commenting here since I haven't posted to you before...but, girl, I've really appreciated reading your threads: you are funny, and wise and honest, and entertaining. And it was in Alaska this last August that I realized all my attempts at "control" re: alcohol weren't working, and that I would try the last idea in my bag of tricks, The Sinclair Method. So...I relate to you for a number of reasons, and even though we haven't "talked" before, we're all kinda like...naked girls in the locker room, right? (I'm thinking of high school here, only THIS "locker room" is co-ed...wouldna' THAT been a hoot!)

ANYWAY...I just want to say I hear you on the "bad week" - I'll be posting my own version of a disappointing week soon - and to offer whatever encouragement I can. Also, I'd LOVE to see your doggie/Santa photo! I love how Andy posts links, such as the snow shoes for you...do I remember it's a Papillion you have???

you ARE doing the right thing, and keep posting, because you are making a difference in your life, and to others...

Chrissie

Hello, Ketch. Sorry to learn of the setbacks. It sucks, but what can you do? Gotta keep naling on.

As others have said, you are smart, funny, honest and a helluva writer. Maybe consider writing about us? Might take your mind from things. Imagine a story with some of all of us thrown in. We all have stories, if properly woven together, would be helluva tale.

Hang in there, my coordinationally challenged friend! Cheering for you!

Hey there Ketch,

So sorry to hear about the crappy week. Well we've all been there. Try to be kind to yourself, okay? I love reading your posts, as I've said before, you have such a sense of humor in all of this. What the hell, its a journey, just keep riding the bull. It will get easier and easier as time goes by.

I'm glad Ripley had his photo taken. I'm sure it was adorable.

Nal on......

Best,

Hang in there Ketch. Stay with your plan. As you say, without the teacher you can concentrate on getting yourself where you want to be.

Hi guys!!!

Please send your good wishes and prayers my way!! I am waiting to hear if "Ice Road Truckers-Fairbanks" gets the coveted green light. If so, I am on my way to Fairbanks, Alaska working as a production assistant!!! It shoots from January through March!!!

Please happen,

Ketchikan1