Sorry you felt so terrible Sticky. I know what you mean - there are some days (and hangovers, esp) when you feel like you've made no progress and you're right back to square one, emotionally at least. But it's not true! Hang in there and hopefully you'll have fun on this school trip!
EL

Hiya Sticky!

NipIt brought this piece to the forum, check it out: http://www.hulu.com/watch/296841/charli ... s-p1-so-i0

In this Charlie Rose discussion, an addicton specialist named Nora V. explains why addicts don't have that brake-- as if we are driving a car and unable to stop unit or drug intake once we begin.

Ready for this? It's because we have eroded our frontal lobes due to hefty alcohol use and it is the frontal lobe's job to lend self-control within the confines of our free will.

But hey, we're brain damaged TOGETHER, right?

Besides, I'd take this kind of brain dysfunction over Parkinson's, epilepsy, narcolepsy and stroke...

So all things considered, we are faring pretty well!

Have a good one, and you are nearing your 1 year anniversary in TSM!!!

,

Ketchikan1

Hi Sticky, glad to hear your soldiering on and that you are less likely to react to arguments. That led me to think, have you considered doing an analysis of whats better now compared to before you started TSM? I'd be interested to hear your response. Ketch is spot on with frontal lobe damage and loss of impulse control. Hope you're having a good week. I'm glad you weren't offended by my earlier post.
ps- I know those fleeting feelings of suicide, you're not alone there.

Hi guys

Thanks EL, Ketch and Warren for your replies. Ketch - unfortunately I couldn't view that link. It came up as only available in the US. I agree re Parkinsons etc - my mother-in-law has Parkinsons and gets so frustrated with it.

The school trip was lots of fun. Us adults stayed in a motel, so I had a room to myself. One mum is a whizz cook so she did most of the cooking. It was a far cry from other trips I've been on where I've shared a bunk room with 12 chatty girls!

We visited a kiwi house on the way down then went to dairy, sheep and llama farms. My son is passionate about llamas for some unknown reason, so he was in his element. We got to take them for a walk. We had a couple of walks to beautiful waterfalls. On his farm my son shot targets, went quad biking and helped roast a rabbit on a spit. On the way home we visited glowworm caves.

In 2 weeks the billet my son had comes to us for a week, so we will take him out on the harbour one evening. It was such a cool trip for the kids and has been a regular exchange for over 30 years.

As far as drinking goes, us mums and teachers all liked our wine, and because we weren't staying with the kids we didn't have to have any sober adults! So units were up there again, but by Friday when I got back it was easy to just have 2 wines, so that's good for me.

Warren - I have been thinking about the positives of TSM for me:
- Being able to drink again socially
- Not being nervous about social situations and worrrying about people asking me why I don't drink
- A far more "normal" social life from my husband's point of view
- Relishing how good I feel after an AF day
- The knowledge that if one or both of our boys become alcoholics there is an alternative to toughing it out in AA
- Being more comfortable about alcohol being in the house
- Sometimes being able to just have a couple of drinks and not want more

Those are just off the top of my head and I may think of some more later. It has been a positive experience overall and I am still mostly optimistic. It was so good to hear from HG that she has finally had some AF days after all this time.
It's very scary to think that almost a year has gone by since I started TSM. I just want to thank you all for your support and wish you all the best in your journeys.

Cheers
Sticky

Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Wek 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 20: 32, 3AF
Week 21: total 38, 3AF Week 22: 29.5, 4AF
Week 23: 34.5, 3AF Week 24: 36, 4AF
Week 25: 30.5, 3AF Week 26: 29, 3AF
Week 27: 22, 4AF Week 28: 33, 2AF
Week 29: 24, 4AF Week 30: 23, 4AF
Week 31: 19, 5AF Week 32: 29, 4AF
Week 33: 29.5, 3AF Week 34: 20, 3AF
Week 35: 35, 2AF Week 36: 20.5, 3AF
Week 37: 30, 3AF Week 38: 16, 5AF
Week 39: 32, 2AF Week 40: 23, 3AF
Week 41: 27, 3AF Week 42: 24, 4AF
Week 43: 37, 2AF Week 44: 29, 3AF
Week 45: 24, 3AF Week 46: 25, 3AF
Week 47: 29, 3AF Week 48: 25, 3AF
Week 49: 26, 2AF

Those are all very important positives, Sticky! I think you're right to focus on them rather than just the units. I'm sure the units will come down eventually. I'm a little confused - what do you mean by the "billet" your son had? I really have no idea what you mean there!
Otherwise the trip sounds like a lot of fun. Honestly, I want to go walk a llama! Sounds amazing!!!

Hi Sticky, I see your numbers are steadily going down, you'll soon be drinking within healthy limits

Those benefits are great, aren't they. Another one for me is knowing that I can enjoy a few drinks safe in the knowledge that I will not go out of control, and not having to pace myself to match others' drinking, or worry about drinking too fast or not having enough. It's all positive!

Curi

Hi Sticky, good to read those positives- they are all certainly very important. I bet you could think of many more if you had more time. One year on TSM sounds like a long time but then how long have we all abused alcohol for before finding TSM? The evidence supporting TSM talks about its benefits/effect becoming stronger for up to 3 years. You'll get there Sticky and the good thing is your closer to the end than to the start.

hi there Sticky,

I was just watching a Lord of the Rings movie (I think the first one), filmed in your home country. To me, TLOTR is all about throwing the "ring" of addiction into the fire....and dealing with the orcs and elfs along the way!!

Have you been in any of the places that were filmed in the series? Truly amazing.

You are raising a family and forging forward while combatting alcoholism--an up-til-recently hopeless and deadly disease. Your constant presence and reaching out to others in the TSM community is important and helpful.

Keep the faith, kiwi.
Deja

Hi guys

Thanks for your support as always! EL - we use the word billet to mean a family or kid someone stays with out of town. So my son's billet was a 12-year-old boy living on a farm. He is coming to stay with us this afternoon for 4 nights. The farm kids get to see the sights in the big smoke.
Deja - yes I have seen some of the places where TLOTR was filmed. Also they had been filming "The Hobbit" near the country town I recently went to, but it was all very secretive and they had just left. There is a place you can stay near the Waitomo glowworm caves which has the boat and houses from TLOTR. We drove past on the way home and it looked like a fun place to stay.
Not much to report this week. Only 1 AF day, but fewer units on some days, so that is encouraging. Hubby has taken our nephew sailing for a couple of days. I plan to have more AF days this week and need to make a concerted effort to get under the 20 mark.
Had a G & T and some wine yesterday and I have to say I didn't really enjoy the taste and almost had to force it down. I still had too much, but I guess not enjoying it so much is a good thing.
Take care everyone

Cheers
Sticky

Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Wek 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 20: 32, 3AF
Week 21: total 38, 3AF Week 22: 29.5, 4AF
Week 23: 34.5, 3AF Week 24: 36, 4AF
Week 25: 30.5, 3AF Week 26: 29, 3AF
Week 27: 22, 4AF Week 28: 33, 2AF
Week 29: 24, 4AF Week 30: 23, 4AF
Week 31: 19, 5AF Week 32: 29, 4AF
Week 33: 29.5, 3AF Week 34: 20, 3AF
Week 35: 35, 2AF Week 36: 20.5, 3AF
Week 37: 30, 3AF Week 38: 16, 5AF
Week 39: 32, 2AF Week 40: 23, 3AF
Week 41: 27, 3AF Week 42: 24, 4AF
Week 43: 37, 2AF Week 44: 29, 3AF
Week 45: 24, 3AF Week 46: 25, 3AF
Week 47: 29, 3AF Week 48: 25, 3AF
Week 49: 26, 2AF Week 50: 26, 1AF

Hi Sticky,

Its enccouraging hearing you say that you had to force it down and did not really enjoy the alcohol. That's definitely a positive sign. Congratulations on your descending units and for working so hard to get where you are now. It seems you are more comfortable and not too worried about social situations. It also makes me feel great that if any of my children develop alchoholism, there is a way out....

Nal on.