Sorry to hear about the week of the spike, Nipit, but it is most often part of the process for us on TSM. I know what you mean about the feeling coming back on 25mg - I have had that same experience many a time before. It doesn't ALWAYS happen with 25mg,but it is much more likely to if I surpass the 2-3 drink limit in a relatively short amount of time. I find that focusing on how horrible my hangover will be the next day sometimes gets me to stop drinking even when I really want to. Not if I'm already blitzed, but if I am just starting to get in my cups. Hope you get some more nal soon and get back on track!

Thank you, EL and Curi. Thanks for the link to your list, Curi. I will re-read that often.

Yes, I do keep track of my units diligently. I haven't included them here because my units are lower than most - but I still have a drinking problem and it is becoming worse; that's why I turned to TSM, and that's why I call myself NipIt - I want to nip this problem (I'd say bud, but it's already blooming...!). Would it help others if I included it anyway? Or at least mention what week I'm in?

Week 10 - Good news. Last night I actually could not finish my second glass of wine. Others have posted similar messages and I never thought that could happen to me. The first glass of red was delicious. The second one - all I could taste was the alcohol. So weird. So yucky. So I stopped! Unbelievable! Now, I couldn't manage to actually toss it down the drain, so I put it back in the bottle (that's probably yucky too??). But really, I never thought I could NOT finish a glass of alcohol. I'm going to attribute this to Nal and TSM!!

BTW, I got my Rx refilled yesterday and am back on 50 mg. Definitely better for me to continue at 50 mg for now, rather than trying 25 mg (that didn't work so well earlier this week!).

Nal on, everyone!

Hi Nipit

It's awesome that you put that second glass back in the bottle. That's progress for sure.
Nal on!

Cheers
Sticky

I can barely write this. I had a HORRIBLE night last week. Frankly, I'm lucky to be alive. I'm very scared. Alcohol has such a horrible grip on me. I totally lose my mind and do stupid stupid things too often when I drink. I simply cannot drink outside the home any more, at least that's what I'm thinking now. I'm also so scared of AL right now that I haven't drunk it since last week's incident(s).

The good news - I had my first AF Thanksgiving in exactly 20 years (I know, because 20 years ago I was expecting my first baby; with #2 I allowed myself the occasional glass of wine while pregnant and I know holidays fell into that category). The second good news - Thanksgiving without AL was FINE! Very enjoyable, really!! And I wasn't tired, drunk or groggy at the end of the evening or the next day! Also, we skiied this weekend and I drank two Pepsi's apres-ski - again the first AF apres-ski drink I've had in years! And it wasn't bad either. And no one said anything.

I can't speak too far in the future, but for now, I'm going to try abstinence. But if I decide down the road to drink again, whether that's next Friday, next week or next month, I have my nal, I'll take it at least an hour ahead, on a full tummy.

Have you seen the new movie, "The Descendants"? George Clooney stars. The wife in a coma due to a head injury. I saw it with my family last night (again, I was AF in a movie theater for the first time in years, it's do-able! and not bad at all!). I cried when I saw the mom in a coma hooked up to life-saving equipment b/c, there but for the grace of God go I. OMG. + Nal and I'll make it. I sure hope so.

Dear NipIt, my heart really went out to you on that last post. That horrible, frightening feeling of being out of control and behaving in ways you never thought you would.

Try not to let the shame and guilt get to you; don't dwell too much on what happened last week. Those feelings of regret have already served their purpose... after all, you're doing something about your drinking, aren't you!? And you're doing really well by the sounds of it - an AF Thanksgiving is a big achievement!

If mixing bouts of abstinence with TSM or other methods appeals to you (not that abstinence is not part of TSM, but you know what I mean) then go for it I say. Sometimes even a week to clear your head can make a big difference.

In the meantime, stay well

Dear Nipit,

I'm sorry to hear about last week. We've all been there and have spent days, weeks even, beating ourselves up. Its a crappy way to feel I know but as Gweneth said, it serves a purpose. If you didn't feel that way, you would be much worse off and more deeply addicted. So let it go and try to forgive and forget. Be kind to yourself. You are moving forward and you will get there..

Congratulations on your AF Thanksgiving. Wow, that really is great. And it seems you are also enjoying other activities AF like the movies. Thats a step in the right direction. Believe it or not I went to see the Muppets this weekend. I highly recommend it. Its a "feel good movie" suitable for all ages and really funny. If you need a good laugh, which it sounds like you do, go see it.

Keep going, you are doing fantastic.

Cheers,

Thanks Gwyneth, that really helped! And Nalwayout's post, too, very helpful and some things I had not thought about.

I'm now 1week,1day AF. Still just too scared to drink. I have a picture of the property damage I did, and my broken finger, to remind me of that horrible night.

We'll see what the weekend brings, maybe I'll continue this abstinence, but if the urge is there and too great I'll take my nal + 1hr + drink (no more than a little, I hope) and let TSM do its job.

Nal on, friends!

Nipit, I've been following your progress, as we started about the same time - I think you are a few weeks ahead of me. I read a lot more threads than I do posting, as I'm trying to "be moderate" in participation on the forum, and moderation is not a strong suit of mine! Anyway, I don't have a lot of wisdom & experience to offer, like a lot of the people here (thank goodness for them, and their attention to us!), but I just wanted to respond to the anguish you express here and offer encouragement...it's hard for me to believe that any of us will fail, if we're taking the effort to post here and also help each other along. At 8 weeks or so, I'm not exactly where I thought I would be, but then I really had no IDEA of what to expect, and so I try to not disregard the signs of progress that I see in myself, as opposed to the ones I imagined I would see! The "unknown" factor is so un-nerving in this process. So...hang in there; others can see your progress and I hope you recognize it also!

Chrissie

Thanks, Chrissie, much appreciated.

Expensive week for me - car repair, surgery on my finger this afternoon, and my dog had emergency surgery two days ago. At least I can't blame that last one on AL!

Thank goodness I've been off nal (due to no drinking) for 11 days so no issues with nal and surgery. Appreciate all the info on this forum. When I learned I would need surgery I searched here for "nal and surgery" and learned you're good for surgery if off nal 2 to 5 days. I'm clean (and sober - sounds like a book!).

Good luck with the surgery, Nip. Let us know how you're doing.