Hi EL

I really hope the job goes well. At least your finances should improve. Sorry to hear the bf will be going away again. Long distance relationships are not easy.
Congrats on the 5 days AF and the healthy active weekend! Great stuff!!

Cheers
Sticky

Hi EL,

As much as you may be apprehensive about starting your new job, it's gotta feel nice to have made a decision and know you have some guaranteed income about to flow in. Sorry to hear about the 10 Gs falling through, and I hope you and the bf can try to work out at least some sort of mini-vacay before the long distance stuff starts again.

Best of luck surviving the bday parties this weekend!

-H

sorry about the one job not coming through and congrats on making a decision on the other one. 3 months isn't long and it's nice that you can walk away. take heart that while you aren't dancing in the dollars right now, you aren't boozing it up either, which is going to pay itself back in full for the rest of your life.

i'm betting good things are just around the corner.

--pp

Weekly recap time: 18.5. Generally a pretty good week, with 3AFs and 3 very moderately drinking days. One big blowout again (12 drinks or so?) at the birthday party I was at on Friday night. Most of the triggers were there - on vacation, visiting a friend in a different city, house party, people who expect me to drink and be crazy and fun and stay out late, etc. I did drink 12 drinks, but it was between 7pm and 5am, so that's not actually HORRIBLE. Secondly, although I kept drinking, it felt more like a chore than anything else. At no point did I feel out of control, and as soon as I felt like a) I didn't want to stay at the party anymore and b) it was late enough that my friend would not get mad for me leaving, I put down the drink and left. Saturday was partially spent on the bus, and I did end up bailing on the other two birthday parties I had scheduled that night, but not because I was too hungover to go - just because I felt like staying home and relaxing instead. So, this week was good considering a big unavoidable trigger. But I'm hoping this week is more like 15 units, more spread out. Next Monday I start my new crap job - let's hope that doens't prompt me to drink loads in my last free week.

A job is a good thing to have these days, even a crap one. We do what we have to do, and you always display a lot of fortitude & determination on the threads here. You seem to have endless support & encouragement for others, & I hope you remember to extend that to yourself as well!

I find when I expect something to be bad it usually is at least LESS bad...I bet you will find some positive aspects of your new job; good luck to you!

Chrissie

Pre TSM: 35 - 40 au
Week - au - AF - craving
Week: 1 - 28 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 2 - 26 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 3 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 4 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 6
Week: 5 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 5

You are doing A-okay El, it's all part of the process. You are getting there!

Best of luck with the new job EL

It can be a stressful experience (having only just gone through it myself) and occasional moments of regret, ambivalence and anxiety about the future are inevitable. And hey, if the new job sucks..... well it helps me to try to remember:

I am not my job.
Although it is important to me, it does not define my whole identity.
If I was to become unemployed tomorrow, I would still have the same value as a person.
I have a right to be here on this earth, simply because I was born and continue to exist!

Hope it doesn't seem to trite to say these things. (I'm trying to have them on repeat in my brain as I work a new job which has actually worked out to be a bit of a demotion in responsibility and status. That's life I guess.. **** happens!)

Look after yourself and keep us posted on how it goes.

Hey El: I was wondering about the party weekend. Good for you skipping the other two. As you've told me and other so many times, it's a long process. But you are so well along on your way!

Hey, EL, congrats on your new job! Maybe it's better to be pessimistic about it, it would be worse if you thought it was a great job and it turned out crap.

Great progress! I know how you feel when drinking becomes a chore, I've often felt like that, why aren't there coffee or soft drinks at these parties?, I always want some and can't find any. But it's a good complaint to have, eh?

Keep up the great work!

Curi

Ooops so I drank without nal last night. Was at Occupy Wall Street and part of the mass demonstration that crossed over the Brooklyn Bridge (over 32,000 people!!!) and managed to NOT get arrested, yay, but then had to go to a fundraiser afterwards and I just had a drink before even realizing that I had no more nal on me and I had not taken one yet. I ended up with about 6 bourbons (I ordered four, but they were large-ish, but I didn't finish the last one). The drinking wasn't insane and the hangover isn't too bad today, but I definitely felt the old pull. I had to use all my moderation techniques to STOP drinking and go home. (It didn't help that we were all hyped up on revolutionary fervor as well, and I wanted to keep hanging out). EEEP. Not an experience to be repeated again!!!