woohooo! Congrats Hesster. You are like a textbook success so far on nal. I am really proud of your week's numbers. I am also glad your date went well!
BTW, I am also very familiar with the Friday MetroNorth train

Damn dude, I love the whimsical strokes of your penning self!

Your quips and quotes leave me reeling. And you are basically a punk kid, with a lot of freedom and $$$$ enough to keep you meandering wildly with or without purpose (we cannot quite tell).....

I love our cast of characters on this forum. We are Shakespeare's wet dream. For real.

"We* ended up going to a fancy tapas place in the West Village and shared a nice bottle of red that I no business trying to afford." Hesster
Man that is beautifully writ. As is the "Time Warp" redefinition of daylight-savings time.. Huh. Never thought of it that way. I guess I was just a part of the stupid, mindless sheeple. Bhaaaaaaa.... switch the clock back.... Bhaaaa...okkaayyy.... The time wharp definition is much more well thought out.

I stand in awe of talent. As I am presently smiling here-- from a brisk Juneau, Alaska.

You are a gift to me. You and your journaled struggle.

Sorry to say-- but, thanks,

Ketchikan1

Hi all - hope everyone enjoyed the weekend.

@Ketch - As much as I'd love to, I can't take credit with coming up with "Time Warp Day," so I'll have to refer you to these...

Part 1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JAa2JRqrnE
Part 2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIC6h4WZK8I&feature=related
Part 3 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5vtjeAZN8Q&feature=related

"The Adventures of Pete and Pete" was a bit of a cult classic when I was a kid. I loved the show, and when I revisited some of the episodes when I was grown up (this is debatable), I found that they were far ahead of their time, incredibly surreal, and had a lot of clever/insightful things to say about life (kinda like the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips). Basically, the show is just as enjoyable from an adult perspective.

I'm really glad you're enjoying my thread, but I fear I haven't had a lot of entertaining fodder for Speakespeare these past few weeks...I suppose that's a good thing!

Week 10 is wrapped up, and I managed to keep my total under 30 for two weeks in a row. I'm looking over the journal that I've been keeping which provides more detailed thoughts about each drinking session, and I found that this week I focused more on some ancillary effects of TSM that are not particularly alcohol-related. I'm going to touch on these this week in this thread, if you'll indulge me.

Monday, Tuesday - AF

One physical thing I've noticed since I started TSM has been weight loss. I attribute this to two things: 1.) the fact that I'm no longer consuming an extra 1000 calories a day in liquid surliness 2.) I don't feel like sh*t every day, so I've been much better about exercising regularly (lots of circuit-based lifting and cardio, which I've also found helps keep my natural endorphin levels up).

Now, at first glance this may sound like a good thing (and in many ways it is), but I am someone that struggles to keep weight on. I'm just over 6'1" and I'm naturally a skinny fella, but I've dropped close to 10 lbs over the past 2+ months that I can't afford to lose. I know there are others on this board that would love to have this problem, and (I want to be clear here) in NO way am I bragging. I think this highlights the fact that I need to eat more/better, because I'm also one of those people that will skip meals when I can't be bothered to get my lazy *ss to cook anything or get out of the house to grab something.

In the past, I've tried various forms of protein as a weight gainer, but it takes my system about a week to adjust (trust me, it's not pretty). My brother is an absolute beast - an Adonis, if you will...plus he's a professional strength and conditioning coach - so I'm probably going to reach out to him as a resource.

Wednesday - 5

My roommate from college was in town to interview for his medical residency, so we hit a local Italian neighborhood to have a few cocktails and listen to some crudely sung Lebanese karaoke (don't ask...it was a weird night). I was in a really jolly mood when I was heading home, and I have DEFINITELY noticed that my tolerance is dropping...yet I'm also so much more lucid about how I feel when I'm getting in my cups. I'm no longer on the high-speed surly train to Black Out City. I'm just enjoying the slow ride.

Thursday - AF

Pre-TSM, I would show up hungover for work at least 4/5 weekdays. Now that I've had 2.5 months of showing up to work bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I had assumed my productivity would drastically increase and I'd be much more motivated to get sh*t done, since I wouldn't spend every morning with one eye twitching, my hands shaking, and my *ss sweating. This has not been the case.

This is probably a topic for much longer (future) post, but I will just summarize it quickly here: I have gotten too complacent here - both at my job and in RI. I've been itching for a change of scenery for at least the past few years, I have some ideas in mind, and now that I'm starting to get my sh*t together, I think it's time for me to start acting on them. This may be an interesting subplot to follow during the battle with the surly sauce.

But again...this is a long story for another time.

Friday - 4

I met up with co-workers for a Frosty Friday session. I nursed three 'Gansett pints at the bar across the street from the office, but that ended up being my entire Friday total. In the past, I would use the post-work pints as a springboard to get sh*t-tanked once I got home. Instead, I shut it down, got some work stuff lined up for the weekend, and BBQ'ed without a drink in my hand for the first time in a long time.

Saturday - 6

I had to come into the office to take care of the afforementioned work stuff, then had to head up to Boston to get a head start on some classwork (kind of a sh*tty Saturday actually). Afterwards, I met up with some friends at a mellow hipster bar in Somerville to enjoy some craft brewskis (obviously, we had to spin the giant beer wheel to get a random selection...we are easily amused). This ended up being a very lowkey night.

Sunday - 9.5

I didn't have a spare Nal on me when we went to brunch, but I had a plan to sabotage my morning drinking: I ordered a bloody mary*. I could hardly choke that thing down over about 1.5 hours, and I made sure I took my Nal once I got back to my car (the secret glove compartment stash came in handy).

* I love tomato sauce, vodka and spicy stuff...but I think bloody mary's are f*cking gross. I know, I know...it doesn't make any sense. It must be a "sum of the parts" thing.

I had a few more brewskis in South Boston, and when I got back to RI I met up at a work buddy's basement bar (awesome) to watch the Pats game and crush a few. 9.5 units is a high total, but these were spread out over 13 hours, and I had multiple hour-long lulls between drinking sessions. I'm cool with that total.

Total - 24.5

Some thoughts...

Like Nucky Thompson, I'm keeping my booze in the 20's and under the radar, which I feel really good about. If I didn't go out during the week, I'd be flirting with the teens (figuratively)...which is f*cking wacky. I'm starting to notice that I have a good deal of control over the surly sauce when I'm not in a trigger-heavy situation, so I'm really pleased with that progress. Since I am no longer spending all of my mental energy focusing on my alcohol-related issues, I've noticed that other areas in my life are in need of addressing. These aren't "problems" per se, but rather goals that I think are more attainable now that I am not blurring them away to nothingness with booze.

I just need to stop being a lazy sh*t and get some motivation going.

Anyway, I'm gonna catch up on everyone's threads (busy weekend for you all). Thanks for reading!

-H

Hey Hesster, congrats on staying under 30 this week! I see that you're getting to what I like to call the "existential" part of TSM It's when you get the actually drinking a bit under control and start questioning other things in your life. I particularly related to this :
" Now that I've had 2.5 months of showing up to work bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I had assumed my productivity would drastically increase and I'd be much more motivated to get sh*t done, since I wouldn't spend every morning with one eye twitching, my hands shaking, and my *ss sweating. This has not been the case."
Now, I don't mean to crush your optimism, but I had the exact same thought process. As a disclaimer, I should say tht I have been naturally very productive my entire life, despite the alcohol. I kind of thought that if I got rid of all the hangover time, I would be approaching genius-hood That did not happen. Nope. It's like...I have more time to unwind, exercise, watch movies, sleep, etc...but my productivity in terms of sheer brain power and concentration at work has not increased. It's as though my body is self-regulating in other ways now that the booze isn't automatically imposing "breaks" or hangover days. I sort of view it as a metabolism of productivity. Your body really likes to stay at a certain weight, most of the time, and your best efforts will usually be compensated by your body to keep or lose weight (whichever is pertinent). Does this make sense? Maybe it won't apply to you, and you really were just muddling through before and have a lot more firepower to give, but I just wanted to throw my personal experience out there. It was initially a bit of a disappointment but I am increasingly enjoying life at like...70mph instead of 100mph or 0 mph
As for the weight loss...you're right, a bunch of us are jealous !!! I never really put on weight, but the nal has done it to me because it upsets my stomach and then my drinking NEEDS to accompanied by food, every couple of hours. But it sounds like you really need to start eating some more! Would it be easier to try and gulp down some smoothies periodically during the day? Liquids are sometimes easier to handle than food.

Great numbers and a great post, Hess. There's a strong thread of increasing liberation running through your story. Keep it up!

Hi Hester, your numbers are amazing! you are really making steady progress!

It's interesting to see how, even in the early stages of TSM, taking control of our drinking frees and lot of mind and emotional space and helps us tackle other things in life. As for needing to gain some weight? you need to eat more calories that you are burning, approximately your body weight X 20= the number of calories needed.

good luck!

Curi

Hi all - as always, thanks for the encouragement!

EL, I had to re-read your post a few times to understand the metabolism analogy, but I see what you mean. I think my work-related issues are more a matter of complacency at this point...I'm also getting a ton of schoolwork dumped on me right now as I'm finishing up my masters, so that's been taking up a lot of my focus. I'll get it figured out.

The second I started complaining about not being able to put on weight, I went ahead and blew out my back...which means no exercising for awhile. Gahhh. I actually did this about a month ago in Chicago (somehow...I literally just woke up with it), and aggravated it by being a dipsh*t and carrying on like nothing was wrong. So this past week was spent getting adjusted by the chiropractor and inhaling ibuprofen. I'm shuffling around like Monty Burns.

But enough about me getting old, let's get on to the sauce.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday - AF

I like how this is becoming my routine. Over the past month or so, I've started to go to bed a lot earlier and for once in my life, I'm having no trouble falling asleep without absurd amounts of Jim Beam. Good stuff.

Friday - 13.49

Oh damn - things escalated quickly here! I started off having a few pints at a co-worker's basement bar, and then met up with my roommate and another buddy (who I don't see often since he got engaged) to eat some meats, and see some live music up the street. These two characters drink pretty fast, so while I wasn't keeping up with them, I was still managing to put down the brewskis at a brisk pace.

It was the last show of the tour for the band we were seeing, so they really brought the heat. Great show. We capped off the night with the strongest margaritas in the Tiny State...which in retrospect was probably a bad idea. I'm pretty sure both of my buddies ended up blacking out, and I think between the three of us, no one lasted past 1:30.

When I reviewed what I drank the next morning, I was surprised at how high the total was, since I kept it completely in control and felt great. I think the fact that we had a big dinner certainly helped. Regardless, I still need to scale nights like this back, because 13+ is high and I've been borderline BOC'ed on similar totals during TSM.

Saturday - AF

I was struggling the next day a bit, since my head was bumping and my back was miserable. I didn't really have anything planned, and no one was around...so I lounged, watched college football and kept it AF. No, I did not put pants on all day.

One thing I have noticed over the past few weeks, is that the less I am drinking, the more I am enjoying nicotine products. My roommate has long been a dipping fiend, and I've been known to occasionally enjoy a lapper...but I've started to buy tins regularly, which I haven't done in some time. There is even a stray pack of Parliaments on the counter that calls to me from time to time. Maybe my brain is trying to compensate for slowly losing its obsession with booze by rekindling a fondness for tobacco, because hey...I have to be addicted to SOMETHING, right? Stupid brain.

Sunday - 6

Since I didn't booze the day before, I got up early, fought traffic up to Boston and settled in at the lab to get a bunch of classwork done. When I got home, I really felt like getting after it...but struggled through 6 brewskis before calling it quits. Truth be told, I didn't even want the last one. I've experienced this exact same thing before (also on a Sunday), so it was reassuring to know that sometimes I physically cannot bring myself to drink...even if I want to get a little surly.

The first beer I cracked was Bud Heavy (which I've loved for years), and it tasted just like it did when I used to steal sips of it from my dad when I was 7. That is to say...it tasted like *ss. Very strange.

Total - 19.49

Some thoughts...

Sub-20 is a serious milestone for this guy, so I'm pretty proud of that. The 5 AF days are also the highest total of sauce-free days that I've put together so far - that's good to see as well. But the one really heavy night is something I'll need to continue to work on...at the very least, it further confirms that I have transitioned from a daily binge drinker to a regular binge drinker. I'll take that progress.

Thanksgiving is this week, so my total will likely be a bit heavier than <20 units. There will be lots of eating and drinking, plus I'm looking forward to hitting the townie bars at home to see who comes out of the woodwork. Should be fun.

Thanks for reading!

-H

Hesster:

Sub-20 is great work, man. Congrats! Especially with the life pressure and the Boston traffic (I am there every month for family; Darwin would have loved to study our species fighting for survival there on the Pike).

Stay the course! You are doing so well.

Thanks Tiller!

93 south of Boston is pretty much the bane of my existence...no wonder why I always needed to have a few road sodas during the commute.

Good luck fending for your life on the Pike this week if you're traveling for the holiday.

I'm going to call you Hester the Jester from now on, I loved your lick the pill gag

You are really cruising! Fantastic progress!

Nicotine and other drugs don't "work" the same receptors in the brain, so yeah, it's possible that you are seeking the buzz elsewhere, it's good that you are aware of it so you can take steps to not let it get out of control.

Nal On!

Curi