I'm so sorry to hear this, HF. And look how strong, brave and sober you are through this - amazing testament to you and nal. Rooting for you, and your mom.

Hi HF

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum. Glad to hear your brother got to her in time. Be proud of yourself for not getting smashed - I think I would have done!
Well done on your progress with TSM so far.

Cheers
Sticky

Quick update: my mother is in a psychiatric facility, where she will remain until she is deemed to no longer be a danger to herself or others. I still haven't talked to her, but I am sure she isn't very happy. She cursed my brother for finding her. Not rational. Thanks again to all who have offered sympathies. I appreciate the good wishes!

As far as my TSM journey, I went out last night and drank a lot. I have an estimate of my total numbers, and it was high, but I partied for about 15 hours, but I averaged about one per hour. I never blacked out and never was too drunk. I felt the nal wearing off, but I didn't go through it.

But.... today is another milestone. After not drinking to oblivion last week with the severe trigger, I decided it was time to have an AF day. Today was that day. I realize I was drinking after midnight last night, so technically I did drink today. However, my 24 hours will end in the wee hours of the morning. I will be asleep, so I am claiming it!

This is significant because I have been drinking most every day for years. A couple of years ago, I had AF days because I was forced to. I was only AF for 3-4 days over two weeks. And I wasn't happy about it. Today, I not only wanted to be alcohol free, but it was relatively easy. I didn't taste beer or any other alcoholic beverages.

From my experience and reading the board, Dr. Eskapa is overly optimistic about time frames and "without effort," I know TSM works, I am proof of that. The time frames quoted in the books are not born out by posters on this board. Those who become active on this board would typically be considered highly motivated, so motivation isn't a factor. Some people have modified the experiment, which could alter the outcome. I have not done any of the above. Because I am a daily drinker, I think it will take longer for me. I think this is due to Pavlov's observation the longer a behavior is engaged in, the longer it takes to extinguish that behavior. That said, I think there is a point where I must choose to not drink.

I have introduced moderation methods, and have mentioned this before, but I truly think there must be a point where I must choose to abstain or cut back. I could continue as I am going for much longer than I have to. Don't get me wrong, I am not getting rid of my booze, but I know I have to force the days.

Tonight, I feel odd. Almost tingly. Today is the first day in 81 days I have not taken nal. So, I know tomorrow I will be very sensitive!!!

Oh HF, that's a huge milestone, and I am so happy for you. Look at what you've done through this extremely trying time. Let's thank our fav Drs. Sinclair and Eskapa for TSM and the book. We wouldn't be here but for them.

Your mom is in the right place and just not thinking rationally now. Support your brother as I'm sure he's going thru a myriad of feelings now, too. Geez. Best of luck to all of you.

Nal on!

Wow... 81.... that's a l-o-n-g E-i-g-h-t-y O-n-e days of taking our beloved Nal????? And now what? I am dying to know? Where are you on Day 82????

Now onto the next, Mister Man!

I am proud of you for letting this treatment take you where it will.

And, buddy... it most certainly will!

I came to the conclusion that it is no longer desirable to attempt to control anything. Therefore I fight for nor against anything. Que Sera Sera, My dear! What will be will be, and please let me regain absolute control!

You keep on keeping on and I gaurantee that you will be a message-maker as well as an inspiration to many, many others....

It's not how we start but how we finish bud-bud.

I mean it,

Ketchikan1

Hi HF, I've just been catching up with you. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, I hope she is in good care and will come out of this soon!

About what you said about Dr. E's book, I think it's a double edged sword, if he hadn't written it, none of us would know about TSM and gawd knows where we might be without TSM! However, I agree that the optimistic tone may have done TSM a disservice, I think it makes everyone skeptical, "if it sounds too good to be true... " and I agree that the time scale to Cure is way out for a lot of people. And of course the word Cure is a big mind-bender in addiction circles, I'm not sure it was a wise move, I totally get his justifications for using it but at the same time, alcoholism is surrounded by so much myth, religious dogma and misinformation that I think it repels more people than it attracts, I think the term "regain control" would be more acceptable for more people.

It looks to me like you are progressing well, ok, you had few up weeks, but progress is rarely linear, so hang in there! If you want to try some moderation techniques you might find this post helpful: viewtopic.php?f=17&t=2581.

Nal on!

BTW, if you are interested, I put my post back up again.

Curi

HF: You're really working to turn around your life, even (or perhaps especially) under the most difficult circumstances. Good work, man! Hope the AF day goes well.

Congrats on an AF day, such a huge deal during this especially trying time for you. I wish you and your family all the best, but I know that you are going to conquer this beast of alcoholism with TSM.

Hi, all! I felt good today! I appreciate the encouragement! I wanted to clear up what I was saying about the book. I know the book was to get the word out about TSM. And it does that. Though, as some have noted previously, the time frames for control are longer than Dr. Eskapa insinuated. And, as I am finding, there is some effort past taking a pill and tracking drinking. Don’t get me wrong, Dr. Sinclair is on my Christmas list. And I appreciate the heck outa Dr. Eskapa. Without them, I would be white knuckling and fighting this by myself.

My report for today, it’s different. I am not hung over. I am not craving alcohol. I have tingled quite a few times today. That’s the only way I can explain it. When I like something, a shiver goes down my neck. It’s intense. I wish I were working out, but I haven’t been. But this proves to me that planning is important. I can see how my mind can be retrained to do constructive things.

I liked today enough I am going to do it again. I thought about taking a nal and drinking. But then I thought about it, why not go for another day? I am having fun and enjoying the sensations. The simple things, even food tasted better.

As Ketch said, 81 days is a long time!

Hey, Ketch… those endorphins…. You remember when we all hijacked your thread? Well… I have been thinking about that today... Something about not having the nal in my system… anyway…moving right along....

Nipit: you are right. I am glad I found my way here. The time thing is rough, because TSM is slow. I didn't build the neurological connections over night, so it's taking a while to batter them down. It's the incremental nature of the process that makes one almost feel like the frog in a pot... just in reverse...

Tiller, I have to keep going. I see where my path was going to take me. Over time, I was going to be the grumpy drunk at the bar. The success I am having is encouraging me to double down. I want my life back. It's my life and I am wasting it with a substance. Crazy.

EL and Curi: you are dear ladies. You light up our board with helpful advice and encouragement.

I am happy!!! Tomorrow is another day. I will probably drink. But I may not!!!!

As an update on my mother, the place she is in is a 12 step based situation. Not much any of us can do, as the state has taken control. I would hope suboxone or some other pharmacological treatment would be introduced. We cannot talk to her and they give no information out over the phone. I will know more in about five days.

Hi HF,

That was some cocktail your mom was on!! were they all prescribed by one doctor? When you say she is in a 12 step based situation, what do you mean? Is it a hospital?, are there medical professionals around? I hope you and your family get to see her soon!!

So are you expereincing up-regulation? nice, isn't it

Curi