Hi ART,

I'm depressed too right now, I don't know why. I believe TSM is working, but the sadness just stays anyway. I'll keep it up though. I would be drinking anyway, and this way at least I can tell myself I'm making some kind of progress. It's not like this requires a whole lot of effort on my part: 1 pill, 1 hour then drink. I'm starting to understand what those people who have been doing this for a long time have been saying: don't over think it, just do it. Maybe things will look different tomorrow. I hope things look better for you too

I'm always battling chronic depression, so maybe it's just me. But I think those waves of sadness hit because as we become committed to taking control of alcohol, we're so often reminded of what we've lost to it for all those years. As my head becomes more clear, and I think - "I can't believe what I was doing a few months ago (sneaking/lying/constantly drinking too much)" so I feel sad from remembering the damage done. That often turns into - "And Oh God, how horrible it was when I did ____ (fill in the blank)" and on and on. How can you feel good when those thoughts start invading your mind? And while it's good to remember why we're doing this, there is still a sense of loss. Let's face it - alcohol has been our best friend as well as our worst emeny. We know we'll better off saying goodbye to a destructive friend, but it still hurts.

What you say there Kris about missing the old "friend" rings true , it's not something we often hear here .
I must say I 've even thought what it'd be like to drink " normally " without NAL and wondered if I would again . I supose it's like walking along the edge of a cliff , there's
a little imp that wonders what it'd be like to jump .
In fact for a while I thought the quality of the buzz was diminished , now I think it's rather nice and yet still feel less apetite for it .
I used to use the common trick of seeing where a binge would lead and with luck sometimes would think my way out of it . But now it really is quite naturally beginning to look very unattractive and much easier to avoid . I can put my bag of tricks in the boot and go on my way .God , what a relief !

Being manic and never getting depressed may sound like a good thing, but consider that I can never stop thinking (at a million miles per hour). I can never "turn off" and relax like normal people. That's why I now have to take depressants such as Valium and Buspar, so I can slow my thoughts down and be able to concentrate. Best of all, I can sleep using these meds! Unfortunately, my pre-diagnosed condition led to me self-medicating using alcohol as the depressant, eventually leading to my addiction.

So please don't think that never getting depressed is a lucky thing, being constantly "hyper" is just as much torment. And rarely sleeping is horrible in and of itself.

Bob

I knew I would get a response Bob. I just was a bit put off by your response to the subject matter. We all suffer on one way or another. I have been a student for many years!

Hi, sorry to have completely missed this thread. Started TSM April 20 and must agree that I'm grumpy and distant. Getting to know you all by your posts.

There seems to be very little enjoyment involved while drinking my usual bottle of wine. This has become annoying. It doesn't taste good and I don't have the feeling I love. The feeling of escape. Then on the other hand, I'm feeling pretty good in the mornings, getting things done, and cleaning. A lot.

Had to laugh because I read a post where someone else was cleaning also. Maybe it was Firebird. Use to clean only when sober, now cleaning has taken on a new meaning. Cleaning while drinking is definitely compulsive. After that, must relax by reading until at least 1 am. Then get up feeling refreshed?? For me the drinking triggers are dinner hour and social functions.

Poor husband. Told him not to be so sensitive/defensive several times lately. He can't talk anymore. Seriously, I'm going to work this program, even if it does cause irritation.

I'm so cranky!!!!!!!!!

Love reading your stories. Seriously.

I am totally perplexed by why you were put off by my original response. We all suffer. I know that. You know that. If I gave the impression that some of us don't, I did not intend that at all. I trust you understand , now. I also hope others understand that I never intended to suggest that any of us, myself included, have it easier that any other. We are all in the same boat.

Bob

PS BTW, I accidentally responded to "Providence", after others had already responded, appropriately, I thought at the time. Afterward, I learnerd I missed an entire page of responses. Oh well. We all make mistakes. Humans we are.

True. And we all are kind to one another because that is why we are here. That is why we are here. We each can take our pill and wait, alone, for six months. It would work for de-adiction to alcohol, but it would be a lonely journey. We are here so that it will not be a lonely journey. So we all are kind to one another.

Hi Marge, I wasn't the one who said they were cleaning a lot; I don't remember who that was. But now that you mention it, I have been keeping my house a lot cleaner! 'Course, I clean when I'm hung over but not too hungover Just cleaning my house trying to clean out the wreckage of the previous night, usually.

G Night all,

Fire

Bob, I don't know it just hit a nerve with me. I thought that Providence was pretty much down in the dumps and needed a hug more than anything else. It reminded me of an AA response (parts of it) sorry I don't know how to pull up a quote. Let's forget it. I am having a very hard time and even though I am not seeing anything even slighly different with Naltrexone I am hoping I will. Just getting very frustrated and discouraged and my drinking is up since now I drink most days and did not before! Went to my therapist yesterday and he is again suggesting I go to a meeting. I am dead set against AA for myself, been there done that! I dreaded going to see this guy and felt wose when I left, as I usually do! Just not doing too well these days in general.