Hey there Ketch - just caught up with your thread (entertaining as always).

Sorry to hear about your sister trigger - that's gotta be tough to deal with (my brother doesn't drink and my sister hardly drinks, so I don't know what it's like having to deal with sibling-sparked boozing...perhaps my drinking is just genetic compensation). Hopefully things will settle down when you get back home.

One thing I was glad to see was that there was no Jager involved this time! I was so worried that you were gonna look in the fridge and see a deer's head staring back at you...thankfully it was just vodka. I'm cool with that.

Keep working on it girl, you're gonna get there.

And stay warm!

-Hess

Hey Ketch,

I’m new to the site and Nal, but having seen your name many times I thought I would read through your post, and now having done that, I wanted to say hi, and I hope you had an enjoyable trip home.

Also, I understand the family Triggers having grown up in a family of Heavy Drinker’s (aka - Alcoholics) and because of some very drunk, belligerent over the top moments mostly because I was drunk and my family members didn’t share my view points on vibrators or whatever, I had to implement the 72 hour rule. Hard to do when you have to travel half way around the world to see your family, but I point your not alone it happens to a lot of us, so hopefully you’re still not beating yourself up and you’re having a great week.

Lastly, I would like to add that perhaps you were a tad overly smug, but hell if she would have just admitted she owns at least one vibrator (I mean come on) and that she would really like a Rabbit or the 10 function Self Pleasing G Vibe things would have gone differently and the following morning you would have ordered her Christmas gift versus apologizing, now what the hell do you get her???

It’s past 4:00pm wife’s gone for the weekend, Nal on!!

Hi Ketch

My long lost brother is also an alcoholic. He is supposedly somewhere in Bangkok (!) and I haven't heard from him for nearly 3 years. Have tried to track him down thru the embassy but no joy. Would love to tell him about TSM.
I hope things are going better for you now.

Cheers
Sticky

Hi All! Thank you for your responses! Is anyone else watching Oprah's Lifeclass series? Come on fellas, you are anonymous here so feel free to fess up.... I am bringing this up because there was a great lesson the other day regarding the innate commonality that threads all of humanity together and it is the basic need for us all to be heard, seen and feel that we matter.

This is what you all give me so generously. Total validation. Again thanks.

So, today is my last day as a Ketchikan resident. I returned here Halloween and partied for the last time downstairs at the Potlatch Bar. Got completely wasted after 14 hours of travel as I polished off 9 units. Blacked out but made it upstairs somehow. Then Tuesday I craved alcohol yet again and drank a whopping 14 units throughout the afternoon and evening. That was six days in a row of drinking. And I found myself tethered to that old way of thinking, "Since I feel like holy-hell with this crushing hangover, the best thing to do to feel 'normal' again is to continue drinking...." What a ball of bullshite!!! And yet, for the record, this six day period of intake was not a bender, rather it was more of a continuation of daily drinking. Big difference. Huge. Massive. Truly.

I finally stopped the bleeding and I have been AF for the past two days and will extend this "Trend o' Clarity" today, Saturday (I am traveling in a cabin on the ferry for 22 hours!!), Sunday (I arrive in Juneau and unpack) and then Monday I open a new credit union account, get a library card, check out some local gyms and pound the pavement for work. I already feel recharged and energized as everything will be new again!! You gotta' love the simplicity of a clean slate....

What I have decided is this: I want to arrive and greet Juneau bright-eyed and bushy-tailed--- and that means AF. Period. And it is non-negotiable.

The teacher and I are moving forward. I am smiling as I type these words. We have been communicating via phone and e-mail for about a month now. We graduated to Skype last night. He is handsome as hell. He is looking forward to meeting me over the Thanksgiving holiday. I'm going to cook a scrumptious chicken dish from the pages of my mother's recipe book that wins hearts and minds over. I told him that it is now up to our pheramones whether we lean towards romance, friendship or indifference. It bodes well though... I feel it in my bones. Or is that something else stirring???

While Tim and I were video chatting, a Potlatch bar-fly friend of mine returned my dog to me. Ripley is beloved in the bar and he had been visiting there for some 3 1/2 hours. They will miss him more than they will miss me. He will miss the beef jerkey and cheetos more than anyone misses him! Well, a dog's currency is food after all!

One more thing I'd like to add. I finally got Eskapa's book downloaded to my Kindle. I love the part where he states that those of us on TSM are reversing our neurological pathways from, "Super-Highways back to simple, country roads." That's a keeper!

Okay, going to catch up with you all now.

Wish me luck, here I go!!!!!!!

Bon Voyage,

Ketchikan1

I'm really glad that you have all this new positivity, Ketch. I agree that a move might just be the best thing for you right now, and I really like your idea of starting over sober (for a bit!). Maybe once you don't have the friendly neighborhood bar just under your apartment there will be less drinking lol? I had a similar setup and although it was fun for a couple of years, boy was it harmful in the end!!
I wish you all the best from here on out.

Good luck on the move and the clean slate and the Skype guy!

Hi there everybody!!!

I LOVE Juneau! It's a bit like San Francisco, with a dash of Seattle and a pinch of Skagway, Alaska. It is just beautiful here. Spacious, clean, crisp. And everywhere I look there are snow-capped mountains!!! The majestic beauty dazzles this Florida girl for sure! So far, so good. I haven't found full-time employment yet but I am not worried. One of the most popular restaurants here called Hangar on the Wharf will start catering heavily starting in December, I talked to the manager yesterday but I am hoping to get something sooner.

So I enjoyed a FIVE DAY AF-a-thon. That is epic for me and has never been done before. From Nov. 2nd-Nov. 6th. I had only 24 units in that week. Then 10 on the 7th, AF on the 8th and last night I had 14. Progress, my darlings, is a wonderful thing!

The I'm-hot-for-teacher is coming!!!!! He arrives here with his fine, 6 foot 4, lean, hot bod November 23rd. If our pheramones give us the coveted chemical green light... God help me. What to do? Be virtuous or animalistic? Flirtatious or scandalous? Should I bat my eyelashes coquetishly or seize and conquer? Stupid games.... if I am thinking that this relationship might be long-term, better not rev up the engines quite yet-- right??? Any thoughts or advice here is more than welcome....

This is going to be a very delicate situation in that alcohol has always been that magic elixar that unleashes my sexual prowess. And I don't want to get drunk in his presence. Yikes! So this will be mighty interesting to see how it unfolds in what I hope will be pure and delicious abandon.

He has booked a hotel room and I will be cooking for us Thanksgiving. Sans alcohol I think because here's the thing-- I still do not have the ability to have just three or four units once I start. No, no. For me it's all or nothing. Either I am AF or I am ingesting 14 units like last night. I know of no brake in my genetic makeup that says internally, "I am satisfied with this mild buzz so I will have no more, thank you." Wish I had that....

So, I think it's best to fly sober with him. Man, if I think I was triggered in the presence of my sister-- holy shitstorm!!! Intimacy and sober sex is going to be a climb to Mount Everest with clubs, bars, pubs and little shot glasses full of lemon drops lining the path all the way to the tippy-top. I've gotta take hold of the bigger picture here. It must be fear at the core. What else could it possibly be? I'm talking fear of being rejected or being "less than" or being 40 something and not 20 something naked.... I dunno.

I like this guy and I don't want to blow it. Speaking of blowing-- I did forewarn him about that interlocking device in my car, since I will be picking him up. I explained that I earned that DUI at my going away party in Florida and the "Blow & Go" box is a stipulation. So embarrassing. <--This is a bald version of me preparing to blow. Well, if he watches me blow into that thing maybe I can make look a little sexy. Not. Oh goodness-- I am fretting myself into a frenzy; worrying myself into panic.

Typical Virgo.

I will most definitely keep you guys in the loop!

Now let's see how your world's are turning...

Smoothly I hope,

Ketchikan1

Glad to hear you like Juneau so far! Congrats on the 5 AFs and good luck on getting a full-time job. The boy situation sounds fun if a bit nerve-wracking! I would go with your gut. I've always broken all those silly rules about waiting if you care about the person and want a relationship, etc....anyways my current relationship (3+ years now) started as drunken hookups, so what does any of it mean? Just follow your heart is my opinion I guess! It should be clearer to know what you want if you are sober around him, too!

Ketch: Great to hear you like the new surroundings. Sounds fantastic!

As for the guy and drinking here's an idea: set yourself a plan and maybe even write it down. Then stick to it. And once you come up with said plan don't go rethinking it and driving yourself crazy in advance. Just let it be your plan. Maybe that can take one huge variable out of the picture which is clearly worrying you. That way you can go with the flow with that much less turbulence.

Good luck and enjoy!

Congrats, Ketchikan! Now you gonna catchyourman! haha - (do they have an emoticon for lame joke?)

I like your plan and the suggestions above and will add no more other than HAVE FUN, relax and enjoy.