I hope you are feeling a bit better by the time I posted this. I think the dna test is totally freaking you out; it doesn't mean that you won't respond to nal (your immediate reaction to it means you DO) but simply that you might not be a super-responder and cured in like, ten weeks. Most of us aren't!
If nal doesn't work for you, there are other options to consider rather than abstinence: baclofen and topamax spring to mind. So don't despair! It's early enough that you drinking through the nal is pretty normal. Just in the past few weeks, I also have had a) great cravings b) the inability to get drunk despite large amounts of alcohol and c) grey-outs with nasty nasty hangovers the next day. It's all part of the process. Hang in there!

Hey Pickledpepper, Tiller and EL,

Thanks! I'm okay. I was venting this weekend and most of last week. This weekly progress thread is a great place to do it to express your feelings good or bad, like Tiller said. All three of you have been so supportive. And PP its great to know about Saint Vincent's similar DNA test results. You're right he/she is on the cured list. It took a year but success was achieved. And EL, your numbers are so great its hard to believe you still experience gray outs, hangover etc. Also I find it so interesting that you had the same experience as I did, comsuming a large quantity of Alcohol and being unable to get drunk. That same experience happened to me this weekend. It was so strange, I kept wondering why I could remember everything, didn't slurr, and didn't say anything retarded, with all that I consumed. Very weird..... Of course its always wise to eat a large steak when you drink and that is what I did that night. Anyway thank you all. I wish you all great success this week.

Best,

Hi Nalwayout

I'd say it's a good thing to remember everything, not slur and not embarrass yourself despite lots to drink. The nal must be having an effect.

Vent as much as you like and nal on!

Cheers
Sticky

Hello fellow TSM'rs,

Week 22 yielded 37 units. Not too bad. Although the units are higher than I'd like, I do feel progress in that there was only one day (Tuesday) that I felt I overdid by one or two. All other days were either very low or not more than I can handle at this point. No blackouts, no slurry words, no embarrasing behavior. So, all in all I think TSM is starting to work for me. Good, because I'm anxious to get going with my weight loss goals. I've been walk/running trying to keep the weight down and/or stable. But the way I lose weight best is NO DRINKING at all. So, I'm looking forward to saying "hey so what if I don't drink for the next four weeks, no big deal". I think I could most likely do that now but I really want to finish TSM before I go ahead. Logically, I'll only gain it all back if I don't stablize on TSM. Since I started TSM I've gained 20+ LBS! One thing at a time is best.... Well, onto week 23. Good luck everyone.

I think you're smart to concentrate on one thing at a time. Yes exercise and a good diet will go a long way in making you feel healthier and better about yourself (and might in turn cut down on your drinking) but you can't really tackle a drinking goal and a weight loss goal at the same time without making yourself crazy, I think.
Good luck and nal on!

i also hate the weight that i have put on. it's the drinking in general, not the tsm, for me. no amount of running can take it off. i just drink too many calories and i don't eat as well when i feel like crap the next day. the wine keeps my up at night, so i think it's me being tired more than hungover as of late, but it doesn't matter. i just keep hoping that the units will come down and the pounds will just melt off. i think maybe i've stopped gaining, but the scale doesn't budge. i just want to get into my jeans again - ack! i agree with EL about tackling one demon at a time though, as much as it kills me.

we'll get there!

Hi N,

Thanks for your kind reply to my distressing week. Just wanted to check in with you and suggest with others that it is very difficult to tackle two goals (weight loss and alcohol) at once. However, if you do want to get support/success in losing weight and getting in shape, I'll just share what worked for me: I used to do nothing but run run run... (and binge binge binge)...along with lots of diet fads, yo-yoing weight and then kind of stabilizing out for a couple years at a higher weight/body fat than was really "me." I hated gyms and didn't know a barbell from a barfly (ha!). But it was only when I started weight training that I noticed DRASTIC changes in my body, mind, emotions...everything. The way I got into it was through an all-women boot camp. It was a blast, I learned everything I needed to know at my own pace, made great friends, and I would recommend it highly! I was so inspired that I got certified as a personal trainer. So...maybe it's something you'd like to look into.

Hope you are having a great week. My power is back on...aaaahhhh....hot shower....

warm wishes,

Deja

Thanks Deja. I can relate to how wonderful it feels be in shape through weight lifting. I too got involved weight training. I had a personal trainer who whipped me into the best shape of my life. I was 30 pounds lighter back in 2008 and was mostly muscle. I felt like a million bucks! Then some life changing events that year seemed to send me into a tail spin. My Dad passed away and I lost a beloved pet, and then another. I began drinking again and slowly over a period of years my exercise dwindled down to nothing. So, although I'm pretty overweight right now, I'm taking heart in the fact that at least I'm excersing again and trying to get strong while I heal from Alchoholism. This time, once and for all, I'm going to beat this addiction! And by next spring/summer, I plan to be a much healthier weight and mostly alchohol free. Its really the only way out for me. I have to get rid of this. Its been lurking in the background for 14+ years now. Even when I was not drinking during a 10 year period of abstinence, I kept binging on sweets and other bad foods. My weight yo-yo'd up and down and all over the place. The alcohol was simply replaced by chocolates and other crap. Although I was proud to be abstinent, it was still always there. So, although its very hard for me to be overweight and unhealthy, its just temporary (I keep telling myself). Anyway, thanks again for the words of encouragement. You've bee so supportive! And congrats on getting your power back. We still have over 300,000 people without power in Connecticut. Its been a nightmare for so many. I'm grateful that we have power as well. Enjoy your hot shower today!!!

Hi Nalwayout,

I’m new to the site and just recently started this journey, and one by one I’m trying to get to know as many people on this site as I can for two reasons. First, I know to get through this I’m going to need the support of others who understand this addiction, which includes bad behavior, depression and so many other bad and unwanted feelings which I constantly struggle with. Secondly, I hope in some small way that I too will be able to help and support other TSM’ers as they work towards accomplishing our goals.

With this in mind, I have a suggestion / opinion, and like everyone who has an ass**** I too have opinions. So, please take my suggestion with a “Grain of Salt”. You obviously have a very well mannered, highly motivated son with a good head on his shoulders. I’m sure he realizes some of your struggles with alcohol (not all), and struggles with finding time / be motivated to get back in shape and to your ideal weight, etc… Additionally, if you’re like me, my drinking time seems to interfere with spending time with my kids or I (not in your case) drink with my kids, take them to Titans games, etc… in order to spend time with them while I drink.

Again, I don’t know you or your son, all I know about you is what I’ve read through your thread starting in week 18 so again please take this with a “Grain of Salt”. So, first congrats on starting back exercising as I’m sure it’s starting to make you feel better!!!

My suggestion; why don’t you ask your son for a little help? Let him know that you really want to get back in shape, and that you would really like him to be your workout partner to help motivate you, etc… This could potentially be a big bonding experience for both of you and also allow you to spend more time with your son, (having a 32 year old daughter, you know the time we have with our kids goes by quicker than we would like) less time drinking and to help you accomplish both of your goals simultaneously and perhaps provide you a bonding experience with your son that both of you will never forget. Again, just a thought, as I to struggle with both as well, and because of my struggles and the goals I’ve set I’m going to start back doing P90X with my wife on Monday. It’s something we did for over a year until I starting seriously drowning myself in Alcohol after losing my brother-in-law (Age 49) to cancer this summer.

Anyways Nalway, you know what’s best for you, and it sounds like your working hard to accomplish your goals, and I wish you well on your journey to accomplishing them.

Hi Nal!

I say, treat your alcoholism and the rest will follow. This is why I love Alaska, there is no obnoxious and unobtainable paradigm that holds 16 year-old, 5' 10", 102 pound creatures as our ideal. That is just a waste of life. The more you treat your drinking, the more energy and health you will feel. First things first. And please be kind to yourself along the way!

I am encouraging you to stop comparing your 2008 body to your present physique. Start slowly with walks or weight lifting and most of all: Love yourself no matter what.

Because at the end of the day, I'd rather be a curvy non-alcoholic rather than a stick-thin lush.

Real power is the ability to say with conviction: I am enough.

You are enough, no matter what sized jeans you currently wear.

Besides, round faces age better,

Ketchikan1