Fantastic Ketch!

Ketch, that is great!

Tonight I had a very metallic taste when into my third glass of wine, and yet I kept on. In reading through this forum I think that is common. In any event, I feel pretty good about how the night ended.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that this is a turning point.

XO

EoB

Great stuff Ketch

I'm guessing Jaeger is some kind of liqueur? Although I did read something about Jaeger wine? Don't think we have it in NZ. Glad to hear things are so much better. The fact that you have binged makes me feel better though - I have had a few binges during TSM. It sure is a long slow process for most of us.

Florida - I'd love to go there one day. (And Alaska.) I hope the holiday and change of home will do you the world of good.

Cheers
Sticky

Jaeger is pretty gnarly stuff. It begins some of my more colorful negative outcomes. It tastes like black liquorice. It's easy to drink to excess.

Hey, Ketch! I am happy for ya! Did you ever think you would see the day?

Hello my friends!

When I began this treatment I also began a video diary. Seven months ago I remember saying into my Flip video camera, "My kingdom for ONE alcohol free day. I'd give my kingdom.... for just one..."

I meant it. I was a bonafide mess. A falling down drunk with wounds and scars to prove it. For the life of me, I could not stop the bleeding. This proves to me that willpower, or lack thereof, amorality, and powerlessness have NOTHING to do with our alcoholic tendancy.

It was my one and only wish and prayer: To become free of the holding pattern from hell; the merry-go-round of mayhem, the self-destuctive sabatoge that held me continually hostage. Heavy were those rusted chains....

Fast forward to today. I have flip-flopped the equation. Let me rephrase, Naltrexone has allowed me to experience a week exactly opposite of that when I began. In my 30th week I have been sober for 6 days, drinking only 1. And I cannot believe it! I am deeply surprised with this progress!

To remind me of my gracelessness while intoxicated, on the one evening that I had 11 Rolling Rock bottles and a couple of shots of you know what, I awoke the next day with a softball sized bruise on my right hip. It's deep purple; really narley. I don't remember ramming into anything, but by the height of my body and the position of that yucky bruise, I had to have fallen HARD into my kitchen counter. Scraping and seriously damaging my flesh on the way to the bathroom. Egads!

It's a great reminder of what I become when I lend myself to an uncaring substance.

As I near my 31st week, the thoughts are this: How can I live, if not in oblivion-- in clarity? Who am I if not drunk? What do I do if not drink?

This is a major part of the puzzle for me to solve. I lent so much of myself to alcoholism and to its dysfunctional ritual. Now I find that the physical craving is truly vanishing. Truly. And now what? Ah, there's the rub....

I went hiking yesterday on Deer Mountain. Very difficult terrain. It got the endorphines pumping and I acknowledged their presence. I personify those little endorphines and visualize a million of them doing "The Wave" in the stands at the Superbowl. They are energetic, happy little things! Granted, it is not the same high as the hazy daze of alcohol. Yet, I must find joy and peace in the newer me; and satisfaction in the relearned activities and behaviors I wish to now instill.

Clarity is a good thing... even if I am not used to it. Sobriety is the better way... even if I have to be introduced to it daily and in every way, shape, form, and situation.

It's just what is next,

Ketchikan1

What a great post Ketch. It's true that as we drink less, it's a certain part of us that needs to change. It's not JUST a behaviour, but for many of us an integral part of our personalities. We have to find pleasure in new things and new experiences. I have found that it comes slowly but naturally. Just try listening to your body.

great post, ketch! sounds like you are making changes from your receptors to the very core of your being! i have been so obsessed with first just alcohol, then hating myself for being obsessed with alcohol, and then obsessed with finding a way to not be obsessed and being obsessed with that...what will i do when i have the time to just "be"? what do people think about (and do) without monkeys on their backs? a positive image of themselves - that would be pretty great - i'm looking forward to figuring it out and i'm glad you are now. congrats!

--pepper

Hi, Ketch! Wondering what to do with all your soon to be free time? I bet you will find all kinds of cool things to do. It must feel awesome to have so many AF days!!!

Get those endorphins to waving!

Ketch, your post made me cry. It stuck a chord somewhere deep within. Thanks (((hugggs)))

What.....Are you kidding me? I have been searching for these words

"As I near my 31st week, the thoughts are this: How can I live, if not in oblivion-- in clarity? Who am I if not drunk? What do I do if not drink?

This is a major part of the puzzle for me to solve. I lent so much of myself to alcoholism and to its dysfunctional ritual. Now I find that the physical craving is truly vanishing. Truly. And now what? Ah, there's the rub...."

Thank you for this gift!