My first month is about up, and I've definitely noticed some mental changes going on, especially over the last week. Drinking is actually up for me, partly due to a very stressful couple of days in the recording studio, but also there seems to be a change in my feeling toward alcohol. Like I'm less comfortable with it. That peaceful warm feeling I get from the first drink when I know I've got nothing to do but sit in and have a couple, we'll It's gone. I'm drinking, but it definitely has a different quality these days.

I feel detached, not just from alcohol but from my whole life in general. I feel like everything I used to do and care about is sort of floating around me, and I could take it or leave it. It's like my brain is onto the idea that we're going to have a major life change, but it hasn't figured out what that change is yet. I definitely feel like it's a transitory feeling; I think the pieces will fall into place soon enough, but for now it is a very strange feeling. But I also feel like I can see possibilities opening up all around me.

I took a nal at 5:30 tonight,started drinking at 6:30, played cards with my family 'till 10:00, and only had three drinks in the process. That is pretty much unheard of for me - by this time I would normally be on my second (big) bottle of wine. I'm very hopeful for what the next several months will bring, but as the same time, I have a bit of sadness I can't explain. Kind of like the sadness some people feel when they leave an abusive relationship, I think.

Anyway It will be interesting to keep track of our progress, and to support the May starters when the time comes

cheers, Fire

That was a good post, Firebird.

Just curious, did your family notice the difference in your drinking? Do they know about your TSM program?

I hope the sadness has passed for you and that you are having a spectacular day!

bb

Thanks bb, I feel a bit better now. My family knows about TSM, but of course everyone is taking a "we'll believe it when we see it" approach to this whole thing. My brother did say that I seem to get off to a much slower start these days. drinking wise. Unfortunately, I started slow but finished strong. Still, things are changing.

Firebird,

I have noticed the same thing sometimes but couldn't decide if it was from drinking everynight which I didn't use to do or if it was the NAL, sometimes I feel like I'm outside myself or that I thinking and moving slower. It's really a strange feeling. It seems to reach it's peak about 12 hours after I take it and then again 12 hours after I have taken my last drink for the night.

Hi Providence,

I was reading your progress reports and noticing some common experiences we've had with nal: grumpiness, detachment, AF days in the week w/ spikes on the weekend, drinking a whole boatload in 1/2 hr and then slowing down. And I do think that the nal changes that last one due to the "first drink effect". It's like we don't drink those first ones so fast because we're not getting the endorphin rush, but after the impairment from the alcohol kicks in we continue to drink like on autopilot.

Last night I tricked myself by sharing a bottle of wine with someone else. I counted the half the drinks for myself last night, but when I thought about it this morning, I realised that I was drinking twice as fast as my friend was, and I had to recount for my records. Oh well, work in progress

Firebird and Providence,

I think binge drinking is MUCH harder to extinguish than daily drinking. I find that is especially true if it comes after having a AF day - in my case, I think it's still the deprivaiont (ADE) kicking in. Also, my binges are generall y on weekends, where historically, it's been more "acceptable" to be drinking. Therefore, I've always treated it like a license to go nuts. I'm really pleased with the reduction in my drinking during the week, but those binges are going to take a LONG time for me to extinguish. Still, I'm seeing REAL progress, so I know it's just a matter of time.

Thinking about giving up on this.....

argh....

Oh no Providence, what's wrong?

Providence,

NEVER give up! Just talk to us - we're all here to help. Let us know what you're struggling with. Chances are, someone here has dealt with a similar situation. Don't shut us out. Everyone here cares!

Hang in there with us Providence. This program can cause some really strange feelings / experiences. I don't thing I was really prepared for just how much I was going to "feel" what was going on. That's why I don't think it's wise to make any big decisions while doing TSM, not without giving yourself some real time to consider what you're doing. Whenever I feel like doing something drastic (like giving up on this) when I'm on nal, I tell myself I'll think about it in two days and see if I still feel the same.

What are you feeling right now that makes you want to give up?