Congrats Hesster!!! I am at about 73% of my pre TSM intake (I started to call it normal. It was hardly that.)

Hi Hess, you've made a great start. And more importantly, you've made the decision to sort your sh*t out.

Judging by your 6-mile run and the passion for American Football, I think you used to be quite a sports star when you were 17 to 23. Then you subconsciously realised that the endorphins from exercise could easily be replaced with endorphin release from alcohol. That explains the manic energy and super-high feeling that you get.

You've got a good bunch of college friends supporting you, but pissing someone's couch can only happen so many times before they get tired of cleaning up after you. You know this and I'm so pleased that you are taking steps to sort out your problem.

A word of caution, you are understandably super-enthusiastic about Nal and its potential. However, you may find that your friends and family tire of the Nal-revolution. They need to know, but don't show them that you are obsessed with it. I only say this as my Mum said, "Can't we talk about something else than alcohol and those tablets?"

Really rooting for you buddy, Andy.

@Andy - When I think about, I do find that I use running to help manage stress and cope with feeling upset. I always feel a million times better when I'm done. As for being a sports star...haha, oh man. I do come from an extremely athletic family, but that gene must've skipped me. The extent of my athletic prowess is hitting weak dribblers down the third base line in beer league softball. I do like watching American football casually, and I love college basketball and the Boston Red Sox.

Only 2 of my friends know about my treatment, and I decided not to tell my family yet...when I do, I'll try to keep my enthusiasm under control. My mom may have found Eskapa's book in my car, but she hasn't mentioned it yet (more on this coming up in my weekly recap).

Thanks for the support, buddy.

-H

Hey, Hester, it looks like TSM is working its magic on you, I'm SO happy to see that! Keep Naltrexone everywhere, car, house, wallet, never be without, and yes, I find that it has a bitter taste too and I get mine on script.

Curi

Hi all,

(I fell victim to the "writing an absurdly long post and getting logged out of the forum" bug last night, but I'll see how much I can remember from what I originally wrote).

Here's the recap for my second week of battling the surly sauce. I was a little all over the place, because I was on vacation, and triggers were everywhere. I saw another substantial drop in units, but I peeked over the fence into the BOC on one night - so that was a bit of a letdown.

I also learned that I need to stick with the golden rule, or it will ruin my sh*t. ALWAYS TAKE NAL BEFORE DRINKING, AND WAIT AN HOUR, FOOL.

Monday - 4

On Mon, I decided to intentionally work on a trigger, despite having only a hint of a craving. I knew this was going to be one of the more difficult ones to get over.

About a year ago, I made a bad habit of picking up a sixer of 'gansett tallboys on the way back from class*. I would sometimes feel like I was having a heart attack trying to walk by the liquor store on the way to my car, but 99% of the time I just didn't have the will power.

*I take night classes for my masters degree, and these days tend to be some of the longest/most-stressful days of the week. Having a few road sodas during the hour-long drive home can work wonders. A nice buzz, breeze, some good tunes...just perfect. For a long time, this was literally the best hour of my week. As a quick disclaimer, I do NOT advise crushing beers while driving. I am an idiot.

Normally, I make it through at least 3 tallboys during the drive, and set myself up to finish the other 3 and whatever booze is left over from the weekend when I get home. These tend to be rough nights. On Nal, however, I struggled to get through 1 during the drive, and nursed 2 more over the next 2.5 hours before bed. THIS NEVER HAPPENS. It was very strange - for some reason, the brewskis just felt less...compelling, I guess?

In fact, the 3 that were leftover are still in the fridge. This was a huge victory for me.

Tuesday - AF

I didn't have much of a craving, so I didn't push it...despite the fact that there was booze (whiskey!) in the house.

I should also note, that I got a bit of a side effect on this day. I had a mild (but noticeable) pain towards the back of my head. It was nothing a little Advil couldn't mask, but I thought this was notable, because so far I haven't experienced any negative side effects on Nal.

Wednesday - AF

I was at my parents' on Wed, and usually keep it AF when I'm around my mom. I debated telling them about my treatment, but decided to wait a few months to see what my progress looks like.

The headache persisted through this day as well.

Thursday - 7

On Thurs, I flew out to Southern California with my grandfather and my dad to meet up with some of his college buddies. This was my second cross-country flight in the past 3 weeks, so I was pretty jet-lagged. I had a few VO and gingers (my grampy's drink of choice) and some wine with dinner, but that was about it. Things would escalate on Friday...

Friday - 15

Oh man, this was a doozy. I got off to a bad start when I went sightseeing along the coast with my gramps, and forgot to bring my Nal. I had 2 craft brews during lunch, and immediately felt the old energy stirring...it was a very strange experience.

When we got back to the house we were staying at, I immediately popped a Nal. No sooner had the pill gone down the hatch when grampy greeted me with a 90/10 (at least!) VO and ginger. I managed to nurse that beast over 45 minutes, but by then the others had returned from golfing, and sh*t was on.

This was a pretty surly crew, and we started really getting after it during dinner. Our table was causing a scene - buying shots for everyone, hollering at any poor female that walked by, breaking out dance moves... just chaos. I did my best to keep track of my units, but I was all over the place with what I was drinking - this is something I'm really going to have to work on, since I have trouble sticking to one type of beverage, which makes tracking a bit more of a chore.

At some point, we became the focus of the entire back patio. Random people started buying us rounds, my dad made fast friends with the owner of the bar, I met a classy young gal with tattoos in some questionable areas. I was definitely in my cups towards the end of the night...my memory got a little spotty and I had all sorts of trouble piecing together conversations the next day. At no point did I feel out of control (and I definitely sobered up once we got back to the house), but I still need to scale nights like this back a bit.

Drinking with my dad and grandfather is a big trigger, and it was good to put in a little work.

Saturday - 5

The older fellas were hurting on Sat morning, so this day managed to remain pretty tame. We headed up to Los Angeles to support their alma mater at a football game, so I had originally expected the tailgating* to be out of control. Instead...I was the only one drinking. I had 2 OJ/vodkas and a few beers before the game. No one had a drop of sauce for the entire rest of the day/night.

*I'd be willing to bet that tailgating is my biggest trigger. Something about the communal vibe, drinking outside, the anticipation of a big game or concert...I love it.

Sunday - 5

Our flight back east had a 3-hour delay, so I thew back 2 big craft beers and a whiskey over the 6 hours we were stuck in the terminal.

Total - 36

Some thoughts...

While I'm pleased that my unit numbers have continued to drop, the one borderline-BOC night put a little damper on the week. I can't help but wonder what would've ended up happening if I had dosed responsibly instead of having a few beers pre-Nal and then drinking heavily immediately after popping the pill. It's a mistake I'll have to try avoiding. Regardless, things continue to progress and I'm enjoying the Honeymoon phase so far.

There was a bit of an interesting wrinkle at the end of this week...my mom was rummaging through the back seat of my car at some point over the weekend (I could tell she used it because the freaking driver's seat was crammed up into the steering wheel and the mirrors were a mess...thanks, mom). She clearly saw my Eskapa book, but has yet to mention anything about it...

Anyway, thanks for reading, and good luck this week!

-H

Your early experience with TSM suggest that it is definitely working for you. There are phases that you will seem to drink right through the Nal. But what is actually happening is that you are separating the feeling of intoxication from the rewarding opiate rush. Over time intoxication just doesn't reward you anymore and your interest drops.
I agree with you not telling loved ones what you are doing (I waited until I was 'cured'). It's difficult enough to keep oneself convinced that TSM is working, let alone trying to convince observing others. After all, they will see you pounding the alcohol just like the old days, no matter how low your units are becoming. They will think you are delusional if you think you can find a cure in a pill. They will think you are rationalizing your continued drinking, especially when you start singing the praises of TSM before anyone, other than you, can really detect any significant difference. NalOn!

That sounds like a great week to me Sure, one night you went overboard a bit...you'll find that these types of nights will happen more and more infrequently on nal, though. And the rest of your week was downright moderate compared to your pre-TSM levels! You're absolutely right, though Hesster - taking nal after you've started drinking is just NOT as effective (though it is better than nothing).
Good luck this week!
EL

Hi all,

Here's the recap for my third week of TSM. I continued to shave off a few units, and I'm at about 33% of my pre-Nal level...which is pretty ridiculous. I had two opportunities to work on some big triggers this week, and the results were encouraging. I know I'm still in the Honeymoon phase, but I couldn't be much happier with how things are going so far.

Monday - 3.33

I put in some more work on my "post-class-road-soda" trigger, and barely managed to get one 'gansett tallboy down during the drive. When I got home I finished up the handle of Beam that sat on the counter for over 10 days...easily the longest a bottle of whiskey has lasted in my apartment. Crazy stuff.

Tuesday - AF

Wednesday - AF

The bizarre dreams have been continuing almost every night, but following AF days they are especially vivid. I think I need to stop reading the Game of Thrones books before bed.

Thursday - 1

I had originally wanted to make this day AF, but I was experiencing slightly more craving than usual, so I treated myself to a Shipyard Pumpkinhead (delicious, and only offered in New England in the fall). I had no problem stopping after one brewski, which never would have happened pre-Nal.

Friday - 10.33

Friday was my first crack at working on another big trigger - boozing after work with co-workers. These guys (and gals) really like to get after it...in fact, they coined the phrase "surly sauce." My numbers were a bit heavier than I would have liked, but I didn't get close to the BOC, kept it in control, broke out some questionable moves on the dancefloor and had no problem shutting down the sauce once I got home. Keep in mind that these 10+ units were spread out over about 9 hours.

This is how these nights typically go...

I would be one of the first people to show up at the bar across from the office. I would drink way faster than everyone else, while keeping an eye on what number beer everyone else was on to determine how far ahead of them I was (anyone else do this?). I would be borderline sh*t-tanked by the time we left the bar to get dinner. I would barely touch the food, preferring to focus on whatever draft beer we were drinking, while slurring terrible game at the waitress. The latenight bar would be a complete sh*tshow. I would insist on shots, which no one else would want. I would be an absolute terror on the dancefloor with whatever poor girl happens to make eye contact with me (which I would hear stories about on Monday). The night would end with a blacked-out drive home. I would leave my poorly parked car unlocked with the windows down in my driveway, and stumble into the house to crush Miller Lites by myself. I would wake up on the floor of my bedroom surrounded by empty cans. When I checked for the wallet-cellphone-keys trifecta, I would realize that I forgot to close my tab.

Needless to say, coming home relatively sober and chugging a few waters was a much better alternative.

Saturday - 10

I went to an all-day music festival on Saturday, and concerts are a HUGE trigger for me. Thankfully, this one was more family-oriented so there was no tailgating, and the concertgoers were much more mellow than the crowd I am used to. The 10 units were spread out over 12 hours, and at no point did I catch more than a mild buzz. Single beers were lasting through entire hour-long sets! It was great to actually remember every set list and not wake up *ss-naked in the ER (my first entry in this thread describes my most recent concert experience - man, that was a disaster). This was a great day.

Sunday - 5.33

I had some work to do for class so I focused on getting that done before having a few drinks during the Sox/Yanks night game (5+ hours of baseball, brutal). Normally, the first thing I would've done was cracked a beer and put off the classwork until Monday afternoon (at the office, no less).

Total - 30.00

Some thoughts...

Obviously, it feels great to see the numbers continue to drop, but I have to remember that this is still the Honeymoon. If I have a few bad weeks down the road, I won't panic and I'll keep a positive outlook. It is amazing to see my progress physically manifested in the random beers and bottles that are starting to accumulate in my fridge. Not so long ago, I would become so obsessed with finishing all the alcohol in the house that it was impossible to keep anything stocked for more than a day or two. I've got some PBRs that have lasted almost 2 weeks!

I still find myself thinking about alcohol constantly. I am always asking myself how I feel about it - do I want a drink? Am I craving? Would it be easy to apply a little willpower and have an AF night? But while I'm thinking about alcohol a lot, I find that I am not obsessing about it nearly as much. I can live with that.

Thanks for reading, and good luck out there!

-H

(P.S. I had my follow-up appointment with my PCP this morning and relayed my progress to him. He seemed really pleased, and had no problem writing me a 3-month script. Good stuff.)

Hesster, I am SO HAPPY for you! This is amazing progress. I agree with you that in the early stages of TSM, you are thinking about drinking and TSM ALL THE TIME. That will fade, I promise. Every second will not be about drinking/not drinking for the rest of your life
It sounds like you did great at the parties and concerts and really kept it under control. The one thing I want to say though is...can we pleeeease get rid of the drinking and driving soon? It's really dangerous, as I'm sure you know, but not just to yourself.
EL

As always, thanks for your consistent support, EL.

Admittedly, the "post-class-road-soda" trigger is incredibly stupid (unless you live in Mississippi, where somehow you can have an open container even if you're the driver [as long as your BAC is under .08]), but this is going to be one of the hardest ones that I have to extinguish (hence why I wanted to start working on it immediately). As I mentioned in an earlier post, the drive home from class was often the best hour of my week.

I'll have to deal with it again tonight, but I'll try throwing all my will power at it. I won't let you down, EL!

(I should also be clear that at NO point have I driven a car when I've felt intoxicated since I started TSM - something I had obviously struggled with in the past).