This makes me so, so effing angry! I had a similar conversation with my doctor, only he was a bit more diplomatic and suggested that I was of above average "alcoholic intelligence", hence my ability to moderate with Naltrexone... I had that conversation on a subsequent visit though, when I first went to see him I just told him I wanted Naltrexone for abstinence, maybe it's best if you do that yourself for the moment, what's important right now for you is that you have an uninterrupted supply of Naltrexone. When you regain control you can go back with all your numbers and show him/her the success you've had.

Nal on!

Curi

Thank you all for your understanding! After some thought, since this happened last week, I have decided my health and well being cannot be trusted to ignorant myrmidons: I have taken matters into my own hands. I will not be subjected to anymore BS like this. It was very enlightening to have a supposed man of science behave in that manner. It simply shows that I was too trusting. Luckily, this is not a irrecoverable error.

Hi HF,
Im sorry to hear that your Doctor wears blinders.
It boggles my mind as my GP is so open to the concept of TSM. I saw her yesterday and she and I had a long discussion about the alcoholic brain, extinction bursts, the length of time to rewire the brain etc... she totally GETS it .. she is actually INTERESTED in my progress....and then there are those of you who can't even get a script...It just doesn't make sense.

It's maddening. But I'll be ok. I am not going to quit. I can sense I am close to a turning point. I feel the need to drink, but then it's a completely unrewarding experience. But, I feel the need to do it. And my numbers are going up the last few days. The haze is back. My head hurts a lot. And I have a lingering awful taste in my mouth the next day. It's simply disgusting.

Some would be discouraged at this turn of events, I am not. This means it is working! I can feel the differences in my body.

But, according to the good doctor, I am using this as an excuse to drink. Why? Because I am an alcoholic. Which has to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard someone say. First, look at my pre TSM drinking numbers and negative outcomes. I wasn't taking naltrexone when I was drinking even more. Nor did I need an excuse. I merely drank when I wanted. Didn't need his permission then. I damn sure don't need it now. And he said my thought processes were unclear....

Funniest thing is he never listened to a word I said. If I don't drink a certain amount, I will binge. I won't get DT's. I won't get sick. I won't have a seizure. But I will binge. Sooner or later. The longer I go, the worse that binge is. Yet, in his limited view, without alcohol, I will get sick. Even when I specifically told him that is not the case. Dr Sinclair's rats exhibit similar behaviors. It isn't because they are immature, nor moral failing, it is simply a perverted rewards system.

Numbers are up this week. I mentioned why last night. Some is anxiety about what's happening at work. Worry and I drink more....

Anyway, I feel differently. Beer tastes bad. Every day this week, I drank more, but the taste is getting horrible. I don't like the smell of beer either. But I keep drinking it. At the end of the night, I am intoxicated, but somewhat clear in my thinking. I always ask myself why am I drinking this. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make me feel good.

I think that feedback and disgust will aid in extinction. I remember the same type of thought about smoking when I quit. I thought it quite promising for me to not this difference. Numbers are updated in my signature.

I went through a very strong period of disgust with all sorts of alcohol, while on nal. It is definitely a sign that change is around the corner, I think. Try not to force yourself to drink too much through the disgust (that just ended up in vomiting for me) but keep in mind that increased clarity is great!!!

Wow, My experience is all over this thread. I had a similar conversation with my Doc which lasted over and hour, but I walked away with a 5 month prescription and a $500.00 bill for the hour of "Conversation".

Beer is my alcohol. I get as intoxicated as ever, but I am still clear and focused at the end of the night. Weird. Beer tastes strange. Almost bitter, not really satisfying either. I wake up in the AM saying damn I blew it thinking I drank 18-20 only to find I had only drank 10-13. So it feels like I am drinking a ton, but I find after the fact I am moderating from my pre-TSM levels.

My wife says she saw differences in my approach to drinking during my honey moon period. That has disappeared as well.

Any, Keepin with the plan!

Daiken

HF et al: I get the same reaction to drinking. Don't get the drunk feeling near as much and don't really enjoy it. Generally consuming less. And don't like the smell, esp the next day!

Sounds like it's working for us.

There is at least one good idea to come out of (or made popular by) AA: "One day at a time."

Steady on!

Thanks, guys! As far as the doctor, if I were to tell him what he wants to hear and show up every two weeks, he would keep writing me a 30 day supply. Once a month would be as much as I want to see one. Why am I going in every two weeks? Costing me money for nothing.

On further reflection, I think the reason the rehab establishment doesn't want to acknowledge the Combine Study is the loss of revenue. Combine shows people who are motivated to quit, and will commit to taking naltrexone and drinking as much as they want, will end up at safe levels 78% of the time. Without any counseling, or other recurring revenues. The total cost is about $300 of pills, and if reasonable follow up is done, $450 of doc visits. Instead of a $30k stay at a "rehab" facility, plus follow up outpatient "care." TSM would put them out of business.

I think my physician would be willing to do something similar to yours, Daiken. He would want to see me every couple of weeks though. What I want is a 90 day supply and be left alone. Like when I took Zyban (wellbutrin,) one follow up at two weeks, then 45 days later....

Either way, I won't play the game with this doctor. I am not going to pay for his ill informed opinion that I would ignore, and truthfully only put up with under duress and just for a prescription. Easier to find another doctor and tell them nal helps with my "cravings." Despite the fact I am aiming for safe levels, but secretly hoping I am one of the 16% of abstainers.... And drinking. Cravings my butt, hangovers...

I can't believe I am going to do the thing I despise the most: lie. Out of all I have done with this whole descent, the damned lies distress me the most. To be a good alcoholic, one lies an awful lot. To maintain a semblance of normalcy, it is an imperative to hide. Unfortunately, one cannot be a liar and live with honor. I want my honor back. As Epictetus said, "Sickness is a hindrance to the body, but not to your ability to choose, unless that is your choice." I chose this course of action. I am here by my choices. But, thankfully, modern medicine gives me a way out.

I limited my potential: I regret those choices greatly, though I must let that regret go. Epictetus also said, "Don't allow considerations such as these distress you. 'I will live in dishonor, and be nobody anywhere.' For if dishonor is an evil, you can no more be involved in any means by another, than be engaged in anything base... when you ought to be somebody in the those things only which are in your own control, in which you may be of the greatest consequence"

For me, choices have become paramount. I don't want to ever do this again. Sorry to ramble, I started off to edit my earlier post, but have been thinking of this a good bit today.

When I get my time back, i.e. not drinking in my spare time, I am going to learn Latin. And not watch TV. I have so much time to make up. And time is like a fire to us logs....