Woo-hoo; 5 to 10, off to our shared bed after leaving the last 1/2 tin, so the grand sum of 8units tonight

I'm really starting to feel the rollercoaster effect people talk about. After the disaster of a fortnight ago, my drinking has really plummeted - don't know how much that's due to shame, guilt and fear and how much due to what feels like a sudden reduction in desire. This last week, my units are almost down to "reasonable".

We're (my wife and me) just going out for lunch at a pub at HER suggestion; pre-Nal, she'd try very hard to avoid this because it would inevitably lead to Bad Things happening later. It's the start of a week off work for me (ie a holiday), and I'm really hopeful that it's not going to go the same way as the last three...

Woohoo congrats on the successes so far! It is a rollercoaster, and you might well try to drink through the naltrexone again. But fear not, as long as you follow the rule and wait one hour after taking nal, everything will fall into place!

I think the attempts to drink through the nal is the lower brain trying to get the endorphin rush it's expecting. The extinction could be that it finally just gives up. But along the way, we have the spikes.... I don't know if that makes sense to everyone else.

Kat had an observation in her weekly update that would lend credence to that being true:

viewtopic.php?f=9&t=2465&start=30

Basically, we drink to raise our endorphins. So, the roller coaster is the lower brain trying to get those back. When we have the AF free days, the reason it's so important to do the activities that give us the endorphins would then be retraining the brain to do other things for its fix.

Congrats on your progress!!!

Lunch went well - able to (legally) drive back, came home and watched some telly then had a nap

Keep at it, mate.

I have been thinking the same as HeavyFuel, I had a bad day/night, the Saturday before last. I only took 25mg in the morning, then started drinking, telling myself I would take 25mg more later, in retrospect I think I just wanted to get wasted. (I am trying to drink threw the Nal, subconcious/conciously) And I got beyond wasted. I have done well since then until last Saturday night, I drank threw 25mg quite quickly and took another 25mg to no avail. I got drunk, had bad thoughts about doing bad things, but I just went to bed without acting out. I have learned that I must take the whole 50mg. I do want to get better, but I know I am very sick, and need to stop doing the SE Method, and stay with the Sinclair method. This is a rollercoaster, I see that now.

PUI, but hopefully I'm as lucid as I feel despite it being half-past-midnight on a Saturday morning.

Units this week are hugely up compared to last, but that's a long way from the true story because I've been on holiday and so able to drink freely - I've always been lucky enough to manage to avoid drinking before or during work. This week's holiday has been infinitely better than the last four (including Christmas, when I was going to AA, which was just crap because I wanted a drink and couldn't have it so the stress permeated everything).

During this holiday, I've done bugger all other than hang out with my wife (rather than the bottle) and mostly just had fun together. There've been a few tangible glimpses of possibilities for a better future:

- My wife said that she's enjoying the holiday and, unlike the last few, not desperate for it to be over.
- It feels to me as if it's lasted longer, and I can remember all of it (without shame).
- We went out on a couple of occasions, took a walk in the woods with our dog, had lunch out, went shopping, and had a nice time.
- My wife *trusted* me to stay up alone the other night instead of lying awake fearing what I'd end up doing.
- I've poured alcohol away because I've had enough and don't want any more.
- I can remember going to bed every single day.

Tonight's consumption is 12 UK units, or 5 * 500ml tins of 5% Pilsener; may be another before then end, not sure. Previous holidays have been a cycle of drinking god-know-how-much (best guess 25-30 units), then a day of guilt, shame, remorse and alcohol poisoning characterised by being unable to get out of bed except for the essentials until the evening, and repeat.

At the moment, I'm feeling a very mixed set of emotions - on the one hand, I'm immensely pleased and quite amazed at having the ability to stop drinking, but also a sense of unease and concern at my consistent lack of choice to take the opportunity soon enough to prevent IMO crazy-high unit counts. That's tempered, though, by the fact that I'm stopping far earlier than would have been conceivable pre-Nal. Tin #6 is now open, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to drink much.

HeavyFuel, I've been meaning to ask - is your nick a reference to the Dire Straits song with that name?

BWD, don't be so hard on yourself! You're making great changes and progress already - the rest will fall into place with time. It took you years to learn how to drink this much...it will take a while to unlearn it