Hello Everyone,

I am definitely in habitual drinking right now. I do feel difficulty sleeping on my few AF nights, and I feel my anxiety ramping up in the evening when I have not drank. Definitely, my daily drinking has caused some physical effects.

When this happened to me in the past without NAL, there were many nights that I tried not to drink, laid in bed for an hour or two but couldn't sleep, and I would go downstairs to drink and silence the craving. With NAL, I have so much more control than before. It is now time to exert some will power and taper off this crap.

I drank 8 units last night. Not too bad for me on vacation. Got up early and drove the family 1/2 way back to Canada from Florida. We drove 12 hours and are visiting some family for a few days. I will be starting up work again next week at about 1/2 speed and then the week after that, it will be back to a very busy schedule.

My plan right now is to get home and get really strict with the measuring of my drinks. I also plan to schedule Mondays as AF days and maybe work on one or two more AF days per week. Then maybe work for 3, 4, 5 AF days per week in progression. I feel like I should push some willpower into this recovery. I feel like I am in a position to actually assert my will onto this disease.

I remember about 4 or 5 years ago, when I garnered up enough courage to tell my doctor that I was drinking 8 drinks a night or so. I had learned that it might be dangerous to quit cold turkey. It scared the hell out of me. I knew I was on the verge of a bad problem, but was afraid to cut cold turkey. I mistakenly thought that I had the willpower to quit.

My Doctor told me to have 5 drinks a night for a couple of days, 4 for a couple, 3, etc. That seemed like a good idea when he said it, and I thought I could pull it off. However, any alcoholic will tell you that without NAL, once you have 1 or 2 drinks ... look out -- you will never be able to stop. A couple of years later, despite counselling, confiding in my family, admitting my problem, trying all the personal willpower that I could muster, I was in rehab.

Now, with NAL, after 20+ weeks, I feel like I am in a position to actually exert my willpower, taper off this crap. We shall see.

I am currently watching the A&E show "Intervention" about alcoholics and drug addicts. I can see so much of my own personal struggles in these stories of these drinking folks. It is so sad. They spend all this time trying to find psychological and emotional reasons for drinking. I was tormented by guilt, trying to find out what was so bad about my life that I was drinking the way that I was. I have a wonderful life, job, the wife of my absolute dreams, 4 perfect children, a supportive family. Everyone (including me) was looking for a psychological reason for my drinking

I also think my wife felt that there were things that she was or wasn't doing that was causing me to drink alcoholically. That couldn't have ever been further from the truth.

On the show just now, they said about this guy, "He knows right from wrong, he is choosing to drink!" I ruined my wife's 40th birthday party, my daughter's grade 8 graduation day, and other family days with my drinking.....I wish I had found NAL a few years ago. Those incidents would never have happened.

But I am grateful to God, Dr. Sinclair, Dr. Eskapa, and this site that I have found TSM and NAL. I have not once embarrassed myself or my wife since I have found NAL.

After my 20+ weeks of TSM, I am 100% convinced that my alcoholic drinking was totally caused by my opiate response to alcohol determined by my genetics. I still have stress, my wife and I argue from time to time, etc. etc. Each day I drink on NAL, I gain control on my lizard brain urge to drink alcohol.

That's where it stands for the Jdog tonight.

If and when I get fixed with this method, I am determined to figure out how to help other people using TSM. I think it is so sad that people are losing their families, killing themselves and others with DUI's, and ruining their lives because they have a brain/genetic disposition to alcoholism. It is sad that we have to feel a guilt for the weakness.

No-one feels guilty for getting diabetes, or cancer (outside of smokers getting lung cancer), but us genetically disposed alcoholics feel guilty for our choice to drink.

If I had found NAL, Dr. Eskapa's book, or this site many years ago, I would have saved myself, my family, and my self esteem a lot of stress and hurt.

But I am grateful now..... an so grateful to my friends on this site for this miracle of TSM and NAL....

All the best!

JDog,
Great Post! I can relate to everything that you wrote, it’s so true that when drinking on Nal there is so much more control. Since I started I have had some really heavy drinking days while I was on vacation, but I never lost complete control like I did prior to starting TSM.

Sounds like things are progressing well for you, from what I have read I think that you are right about applying some will power. I find that I feel so great after an AF day that I can usually string together two or three back-to-back.

This will work for us … I am certain.

What a thoughtful post JDog. I am also a fan of the show "Intervention," but I have to say that I usually end up feeling better after watching the show because I see so many DIFFERENCES between me and the people on the show :/ I find that when I've watched the show, they often portray people who are daily users, rather than bingers (but I haven't watched EVERY episode or anything, so I might be wrong). I have always been able to make myself better by being like, no but I just party etc....But I feel that if I had not found TSM I could very well have gone down that path. I'm not thrilled 100% where I am now...but it's sooo much better than a few months ago.
Nal on!

Great Post JDog!

I have had a couple of 10 drink nights. I didn't drink all day, and didn't much feel like it, despite vacation. Started late and overdid it.

Good behaviour. My wife loves me. I love her more.

Felt yucky in the morning. Big drive home to Canada tomorrow of 12 hours. Going to bed with a good, clear head which is great.

All the best to the TSM community. I am feeling better every day, despite the seeming lack of unit progress.

Hi JDog, your posts are great, very thoughtful and reflective. You mentioned earlier that you are drinking out of habit now and that was certainly the case for me at the same stage. It is a good time to exert a bit of control but don't be too hard on yourself. It can be a frustrating stage to be in, you feel better all the time but your figures don't necessarily reflect that. You have such a positive attitude and its great to hear all the positive benefits you are getting from TSM (IMHO they are just as, if not more, important than overall figures). Hang in there JDog, have a bit of patience, it will just be a matter of time for you now.

Just read through the whole thread. This is good news, truly, in that I am more worried about my irrational behavior when drunk then I am about my overall units at the moment. Your very quick lack of drunken insanity and/or blackouts gives me a lot of hope for myself. I think you're right, though; time to ratchet down the units, pard!

Back home and back to work at about 1/2 of my usual level of intensity. I have had a couple of high drinking nights.

I am a little worried, because it feels like old bad drinking days. I have never drank without NAL, and have taken my med every single time.

I watched a movie with my boys last night and drank too much. I have not had any bad behaviour, but I drank too much. I think I went to the bathroom and passed out on the toilet. I don't remember that. I woke up beside my wife in bed. She wasn't mad, but she told me that I was a Bad Boy last night for drinking too much.

She told me the other night how happy she is, and that she believes in me, and that things are so much better. That is the best.

Myself, I am back into a mode where I take the NAL and don't feel much difference from my drinking days. I am hoping that after 21+ weeks, this is my alcoholic brain's last, "extinction burst".

I feel a lot like I did when things were bad in my drinking days. I start and then have a hard time stopping. As of this typing, I am drinking and am on my way to too much even though I have work tomorrow morning.

I sure hope my story has a happy and , "cured" ending.... All the best to TSM warriors....

Hey JDog, here's what you wrote just last week: " I am 21 weeks in to what I expect to be about 32 to 52 weeks to my problem being solved." So don't give up. You'll get there. Nal on.

Hi JDog

Great long post at the top of this page! I agree re trying to find out what is wrong with us psychologically. I used to go to AA meetings and tell everyone how I had a supportive husband, 2 beautiful boys, lived in a nice part of town and had a good job.
I wish we had the program "Intervention" in NZ - it sounds interesting.

I have still had a few episodes of bad behaviour after 30 weeks, so don't be too discouraged. It sure is a long slow process for many of us. Your comments about thinking you can exert some willpower are encouraging. Sometimes I think after a few drinks that I could just stop now. I don't always do so, but never would have had thoughts like that pre TSM.

Nal on
Cheers
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