Hey EL-

Sorry you have had to deal with the numerous frustrations as of late; I have brother who recently graduated and struggled with several rejections in the last month; but he just got hired from the third round of interviews. So don't be down on yourself, just keep kicking' for it! You may end up with a job much better then the places that didn't hire you.
Anyways wishing you well-
Best,
Phil

Well, life is certainly handing me lemons right now, and I have to say that despite the big drunken Monday night, I feel that otherwise I am being pretty strong about this. The stress of being unemployed and constantly feeling rejected is definitely a burden, as is missing my boyfriend and feeling lonely, as is worrying about the fact that my health insurance runs out August 31st and I currently take 4-5 medications a day (nal not being every day!) and absolutely NEED some type of coverage. I'm in the process of applying for Medicaid (with an effing Ph.D.! this country makes me mad) but it's a nightmare. And today not only did I get rejected from another job (one I didn't even want, to be fair), but I just got my lease renewal form. My rent is jumping over 300 dollars/month come October. (Yes, this is legal...long story). I was not expecting this, as I live in subsidized housing for low-income people and they are basically now shitting on us. My roommate has announced she is moving out August 31st, and my boyfriend has agreed to move in (which is great) but with two conditions: he can only move in October 1st, and he can only pay what he is currently paying at his place. Basically, to make a long story story, this would have meant me picking up a LITTLE bit of the rent, but I thought that was fair since it's really my place, and he'd be doing me a favour so that I wouldn't have to move, put down another deposit, pay movers, etc. Now, however, this difference in rent is huge (and he absolutely cannot pay more on a graduate student stipend - I'm saying this as I know it to be true, I haven't even talked to him yet as he is still in rural Kyrgyzstan). So I'm screwed. Either I move, and lose money upfront with deposits, moving, trying to find a 1 bedroom. Or I move and try and find a place for us both while the bf is gone, and the money problems upfront still apply.Or I stay and hope for the best with a job, but am seriously digging into my savings in the longterm, and there is an imbalance created financially between me and my bf.
The good news is, I haven't really been drinking since Monday and I have no desire to. I just know that drinking will make all of these problems worse. The bad news is....I don't know anything that will make them better. Sometimes you just realize that drinking is only part of the problems in your life, and getting that under control doesn't solve everything else magically.
I'm going to try and go to yoga tonight despite the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach (it's been there for days of course). But other than that I really am out of solutions.
EL

Hi EL, if I may regurgitate a quote I put on my posts "swimming against the current makes us stronger than swimming with it" and a quote from my 98 year old Nanna (who still says this) "the worries you have today, won't be the worries you have tommorrow". That said, you have certainly been thrown several curve balls. But you know what? It lead you to DECIDE not to drink and to recognise that drinking will make things worse. Bravo! Sometimes our greatest personal development occurs in times of our greatest adversity. Keep rejecting the lemons and staying positive. Keep your head clear and things will turn around. They always do. Hope things turn for you very soon, Warren

Hi EL

Sorry to hear about your money & flat worries. It sounds highly stressful and I admire you for not drinking over them. (I think I would have.) I'll send some positive thoughts your way re getting a job. Bonne chance!!

Cheers
Nicky

Weekly total: 21. Thanks for all the support guys. I apologize if I often run off topic on this forum and talk endlessly about personal stuff that is only tangentially related to drinking/nal at best, but it does really help me to vent (even on top of the therapy I have hehe!). This has been a long week, full of economic and professional setbacks, but also quite a few true friends coming to the fore and being there for me. And aside from Monday night's slip up, the week was largely booze-free and totally in control.I would have have an extra AF day or two if it hadn't been for visting guests, to be honest. Today (Sunday) has been difficult, however, and the thought of drinking has run across my head, although I have decided not to drink. It's unbearably hot, so I've been stuck inside all day. I have nothing to do, literally. No plans with friends, and everyone is either working, or away, or hungover, or just happy to have a day at home. No job searching to do as nothing gets posted on Sundays. No...occupation basically. Suddenly the unemployment thing really weighs on me, not just for the practical or financial reasons, but for the whole time-filling, worth-fulfilling properties of working and getting things done. I've spent my day reading, being on the internet, absent-mindedly cleaning things, now maybe tv. It feels like a waste. sUre, I'm not drinking, but I'm not doing anything meaningful with my time. These are the times when I feel despondent about drinking, because I feel like at some point, drinking killed off the interesting and interested parts of me....Anyways, it's probably just a bad day, and tomorrow will be better. But UGH. Hot and bored and blah.
EL

A little mid-week update here. I have had a series of friends visiting, so maybe not as many AF days as I'd like or naturally have, but the drinking consumption has been ok. Considering that I still haven't had any good job news and my situation is still rather stressful, I'll call it a success that there haven't been any horrible hangovers or blackouts. However, I think I may have figured out a pattern to my nal/vomiting problem. Thursday night I took 50mg and went to a party where I had about 6 glasses of wine over 5 hours. Felt fine, had fun, was not hungover the next morning. Friday night I took another 50mg and went out with friends to do karaoke. I tried to drink bourbon and vodka alternatively during the night, having probably about 8 units in all over 6 hours. However, after the very first drink I started feeling nauseous; after the third I had a small vomit. I was kind of trapped in the social situation at this point and felt so physically terrible that I didn't know whether to stop drinking or paradoxically keep drinking because then at least I might get drunk and "forget" about feeling crap. I realize this is crazy booze-brain talking but maybe some of you can relate? Anyways I did continue to drink, sipping here and there though it was tough going down and I ended up throwing up AGAIN at about drink 7, this time rather more copiously. At this point I stopped drinking (except water) and knew that I was just going to have to call it a night soon.
So, I'm thinking it's two things. 1) Taking nal two days in a row, and drinking two days in a row, seems to make my stomach much weaker; in general I also don't CRAVE drinking two days in a row, so I'm usually only mildly interested in drinking the second day. 2) It seems that hard alcohol, even accounting for units, makes me throw up on nal while wine does not. I'm going to try and keep tabs in the future to see if this scenario gets repeated. I don't mind sticking to wine too much (although I do love my bourbon) but I REALLY would like to get a handle on this vomiting thing - aside from the sheer unpleasantness of it, I know it's going to take a toll on my esophagus if I keep doing it!!

Weekly recap time: 23 units. A bit higher but honestly I am pleased, considering that during this week I had three nights of going out with a good friend who was visiting and two nights dining out with my parents. So only two AF days which was absolutely forced by circumstances rather than choice (normally I've got 3 or 4). However, as mentioned in my previous post, I had another very unpleasant vomiting experience on the nal Friday night, feeling queasy as soon as I started drinking and vomiting twice throughout the evening despite drinking slowly, eating food, alternating with water, etc etc. I am starting to really think that on 50mg I can't a) drink more than 3 drinks and b) drink two days in a row. My goal for next week is to stick to 3 drinks in any drinking situation and see if that proves my point (assuming I feel well). I have yet another friend in town for two nights, but other than that should be able to resume my more healthy living of late. And hopefully find a job!!!
EL

Hi EL

Sorry to hear about the vomiting on Fri night. Yuck! I hope you can manage to stick to the 3 units per session. It will be great if you can at only 16 weeks. Your overall units are still amazing!

I hope the job hunting is going better.

Can you send some heat our way? It was 3 deg Celsius according to my car at 9am - very chilly for Auckland!

Cheers
Sticky

Maybe the vomiting is a blessing although not a very fun one. I know that I drink less because I worry about the consequences if I don't.

Still, I'm sorry you're going through this but I hope in the end it's helping you get closer to your goal.

Yep, I'm ok with going through this vomiting stuff if it means I get cured more quickly. However, I hope there comes a day when I can enjoy 1-3 drinks without worrying about feeling queasy or vomiting as well....