JDog, updates like yours never get old. One by one TSM is knocking them down (or should I say chipping away). Life is so much better without the itch, the beast, the hollow leg syndrome. Nal-on!!

Well, things have been so busy at work, I haven't been posting specific numbers for a few weeks now.

I had a good Monday night (7 units and stopped), Tuesday no good (12 I think), Wednesday was my first AF day in while though without too much trouble.

I am feeling a cold with a sore throat, and I had a ton of paperwork to do at home Wednesday and I had to get it done without being under the influence. Another good sign as there were many times in the past that I vowed not to drink to get something accomplished at work or at home, only to fail. I was really pleased with that AF day.

I am going to get back into daily specifics going forward. I plan to be more active on the board going forward. NAL on everyone!

A regular heavy drinking night. Wife went out and I was a little annoyed. About 12 units. Brutal. Onward....

Had last big day working before summer vacation. Sunny backyard and a precious Canadian warm night. Had 10 units. I have been exercising every day and feeling really good about things. NAL on.

Hi JDog, just checking in. You seem to be progressing well. Congratulations on your first AF day in a while. Its amazing how much easier AF days are with TSM. Before I started TSM the once in a blue moon forced AF I had would be torturous (complete with cold sweats overnight). I am now having more AF days than drinking days and they are my norm. I'm not suggesting that you try to have more AF days just yet but think in time that it will come naturally to you. Try to remember at your stage that there are a lot of things happening "behind the scenes" that won't necessarily be reflected in your figures just yet. Keep winning the small victories, you'll definitely get there.

Hello TSM Warriors,

I am sorry (for myself) that I haven't posted in a while as I wanted this whole deal documented for me, maybe my Doctor and for others who may follow in my footsteps and have a similar story. Oh well...

I am drinking every day, on Nal, and still with Vodka. I am in the middle of 8 weeks of holidays in the warm months of Canada and we have been having many parties and social events at the house. Last year at this time, I was checking out of rehab. It didn't stick, in fact the first day I was alone out of rehab, I drank about 20 OZ of vodka and scared the heck out of my wife, as she was messaging me and I couldn't respond. After reading the book, I now know this was the ADE.

The good news is that I have not had a blackout, I almost never wake up feeling anything but alert and clear headed, and I have not had any embarrassing moments, at all. I have been able to manage my drinking through all of these events. Now, quite often I have had 8-12 units, which is way too much, but the NAL keeps my head clear. I do want to drink every night. I sort of feel like it is more and more habit and less and less physical desire, but after I take my Nal and get about 3 units in, the old desire returns and I end up 7-10 units drank by the end of the night. But...

The other thing that is very noticeable, that I am not sure that I have mentioned, is that each night (especially the last couple of weeks), there is a moment where I have the next drink poured and sitting there and I just don't want it. It is usually after 7-10 units, but it happens every night. I sometimes try to save the drink for the next night (to save $), but I often pour it out. That NEVER happened before. I also know exactly how much of the bottle is left every morning. I used to wake up, feeling like absolute crap, and I usually saw the bottle and couldn't believe how much I had drank the night before. I guess that is positive.

My Angel wife has stuck with me, but still has trouble when she smells it on me, and sees my red face each night. It brings back all the bad times, and she treats me like the jerk I used to be even though I don't treat her badly or do any of those mean things anymore. The days are great, and I am grateful she is sticking it out with me, and I am getting better and better, but very slowly.

I have also exercised almost every day for the last month which is a very positive development, and my wife and I exercise together every day, have taken up cycling, etc. That is a very good thing. I could never maintain it before, as I felt so crappy each day from the previous night's 12-18 units of poison.

Once again, I am seriously thinking of trying the light beer again. I am also considering trying to force an AQ day every week. More and more, my logical mind is exerting influence over my alcoholic urges. People with my drinking patterns seemed to have taken around 30 - 50 weeks to get fixed, so I am trying to be patient, but I wish it was over.

Thanks to all here and for the gift of this board that is saving my life and my family. I will try to keep in touch better.

JDog! What a great post! TSM is working!!!!!!!

JDog,

Your wife loves you - that's why she's sticking with you. She wants you to succeed more than anything.

You've come a long way... Looking back at leaving rehab a year ago to your progress today, you've done an amazing job... but you're not quite there.

The switch from Vodka to beer can only be a good thing, but don't do it for this community, don't do it for your wife. You must do it because that's what you want for yourself.

How can you get your wife to recognise your progress? Maybe review this list with her and get her to answer the questions on your behalf. Remember, it's her perception of how you are doing... it might not be the accurate truth but this will tell you how she sees your progress:

Can she answer yes to any of the following questions?

JDog has left unfinished drinks

JDog's drinking is less than pre-TSM

JDog no longer has Blackouts

JDog's Stupid / embarrassing behaviour is less of a problem

JDog has more energy for friends / family

JDog argues / fights less with me than 1-year ago.

Now I have one final suggestion - but this comes with the usual medical disclaimer...

How about trying 50mg and then another 50mg after 1 hour? I've tried 100mg and it's more potent than 50mg.

Don't do it for an extended period (trial it for no more than 1 week) but give it a go. In my mind, I see the vodka 'overpowering' the Nal after 3/4 shots, and that's why the self control starts to go.

Have a think - please speak to your GP before trying this - but I feel it may work.

All my best,

Andy.

Hello All. Thanks a bunch to Andy. Funny, I sent my wife an email outlining those things exactly. We have had a great couple of days. You are a great inspiration to me.

Funny thing about your suggestion, I actually had a couple of email exchanges with Dr. Eskapa before I took this on and he suggested that 75 mg might be the correct dose. IF things don't turn soon, I might go for that. I think you are right.

So today, I take my boys to the movies. 7pm showing and should be home by 9:30 or so. I took my NAL after dinner.

One of the reasons that I wanted to use TSM, was the hope that my brain could get rewired and that perhaps I could lose the obsession with alcohol. In my periods of sobriety, I still thought about alcohol constantly. Every billboard, commercial, liquor store, etc. would torment me, even in periods when I was strong and not drinking.

Back to the movie....Cowboys and Aliens. We had a blast. There is all sorts of action....all sorts of drinking in the movie...and at around 9:00pm it strikes me that I am not dying for this movie to end so that I could get home and drink, like I have the past couple of years. As well, all of the whisky drinking during the movie was not popping the thought in my head that I couldn't wait to get home and drink. This is amazing evidence that my brain is rewiring. I am very sure of it. I have hope that I will be free of this obsession, and disease soon.

I have also noticed that I am not obsessing about drinking like before. If it is late in the afternoon, I am not dying for booze, dying for the last moment that I need to drive so I can start boozing for the night.

This is progress. Thank you NAL, Dr. Roy, and TSM.....onward!

Well done JDog

You have recognised some major and subtle changes recently. An improved relationship with your wife and movies with the kids without the usual obsessions - that is great progress. I am 50 and have been in AA for most of the past 18 years and mostly not drinking, but TSM is still taking months (8 so far) to work for me too. I took my eldest son to the last Harry Potter movie recently and was late in and climbed over many people to get to my seat because I wanted a wine and had to queue up. That is infinitely better than being AWOL and not taking my kids to Harry Potter, which is what happened about a year ago.

Take care and keep up the good work.

Cheers
Sticky