About 8 weeks in...initially had decrease in consumption and bad behavior for about a week or 10 days. I am now drinking more than before. Before TSM, average 60-80 units per week. Now, drinking everyday because NAL allows me to drink without blacking out, getting angry unnecessarily (as I normally do when drinking), and allows me to drink and still be compassionate and mindful at the end of a day of drinking. I drink light beer, and am now consuming around 20-24 plus brews per day. That puts my guestimated consumption at 126 units per week.
I seem to be a hard case. Been drinking for 30 years, and for the last decade, it has been like this. I am sad at my life situation, but I will not give up. I am 48 years old. I have a good job, and I make money. But, of course, I am so disappointed in myself. I will try to keep better records and post them on my progress. It is not unusual lately for me to wash down my 50 mg NAL first thing upon getting up in the morning with a cold beer. I know this breaks the rules.
I don't like AA...although I have friends who live by it. They do not know I am an alcoholic. I have tried AA several times, as well as outpatient rehab, when I quit for 7 weeks. God bless AA if it works for you, but it just ain't for me. I am too much of an analytical thinker. Hey, I like Jesus, and even might pray to God and Jesus at night. But, I don't really think that is going to change my situation. It is 4:00 am, and I have been drinking for about 22 hours. Still lucid, but this is not healthy. I hope to contribute to this forum in a useful way that may help others eventually (if only I can help myself), as well as succeed in overcoming this demon.
Love to all Bud-man... a drunkard
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