Thanks guys!! Last night I went out on my friend's boat to watch the fireworks. I had some dinner and some wine — about 2.5 glasses from what I can gather in plastic-cup land. I'm really proud of myself. What I've noticed recently, however, is the complete downer effect of alcohol after the first drink or two. I go into a social situation, happy, energetic, excited, and fun....after about 2 drinks or so I feel tired, start yawning, and am having LESS fun. At that point is where part of my brain thinks, must drink more, must drink through the tiredness to drunkenness. But yesterday (and the night before) I was able to just stop instead...and continue having fun without drinking. And even better, after the effects of the drink wore off, I got my energy back to a certain extent!
This is great news....but tinged with a bit of sadness for me, too. In the past alcohol (bourbon especially) has been like my superpower - I knew that if I drank enough of it, I WOULD have fun, be energetic, social, etc. Now it certainly feels the other way around - like it's dragging me down. At the same time I genuinely do enjoy a good drink, for taste reasons and social reasons, so I'm a little afraid that I'll turn into the 10pm bedtime person even when it's not ideal - say, a wedding or other big celebratory occasion. But I realize I shouldn't be worrying about this now - things will work out one way or the other and in the end, if I end up having an early bedtime but never being out of control drunk again, it's for the best still. Just venting!
I'm going to a BBQ and pool party tonight - not planning on drinking too much, but it's sort of my one free pass day, since I'm not driving and have nothing to do tomorrow. Will keep you all posted!
EL

Weekly recap time....and man, it feels good! This week's total is 20 drinks, which is still a smidge higher than I'd like numbers-wise (I'm shooting for 14-16 a week, ideally) BUT the pattern of drinking was great and it was a holiday week with lots of triggers. I managed all of my social engagements with under 5 units each (most of them around 3) and most importantly, I had a night in at my parents' house and was able to stop after the pre-dinner cocktail, not drinking with dinner or while watching tv later (this almost always happens unless I am actively hungover from the night before). I'd feel even better if I had been exercising and not eating my face off the past week
But it's been amazing to feel in control, especially the week right after my boyfriend left. I know there's still loads of progress from here on out (and bar situations are still my weakness) but I'm feeling good right now.
Thanks for all the words of encouragement so far guys; it really means a lot.
EL

Way to go, ElectraLou!

You are headed down the final stretch to total control. Congratulations!

Perhaps I should have been a BIT more cautiously optimistic hehe...last night I forgot to take my nal until I had already had a drink (I think because subconsciously I was feeling so in control, I just ignored tsm for a minute there) and it really doesn't work as well once you've started drinking. I ended up the night with 6 (probably generous) units, which is way too much considering that I had to get up early and I was drinking alone for part of this time, and there was nothing special going on. I defintiely got the old euphoria from drinking - everything felt so easy and happy and exciting and I was like, why don't I drink like this ALL the time? Rational me obviously knows why not
Anyways, no one died and my hangover today isn't too bad, but it was a pretty clear reminder of where I'll go, fast, without nal. I don't like starting off the week with so many units so I'm gonna strive for at least 3 AFs this week, despite my best friend from the west coast visiting.
EL

The fact that you took the Nal when you remembered will have protected you somewhat. Now the real test will be to notice how easy you find the AF day(s) come(s) to you. The ease of AF days is the other indicator that your are still on track.

I can tell you from personal experience that once you have fully extinguished your addiction, so too will you eliminate the immediate "warm glow" from drinking. Contrary to the myth of upregulation, when I returned to drinking without naltrexone after a full year plus, I found that it was hard to initially get the old "warm glow" from just a few drinks. Evidently the "super highways" of my brain were no longer susceptible to alcohol. It was only after several weeks of drinking off nal that the immediate warm glow returned and my numbers started to go back up to unhealthy levels. That was my personal experience anyway. Just an FYI...

Good to know Nick. I am a bit worried about upregulation since it seemed like yesterday night slipped away from me a bit, all because I took the nal an hour late (or so). But feeling good today, and an easy AF (without the excuse of a crippling hangover, hehe).
EL

Great progress EL! It's great to read about how in control you feel- I think things are working for you!

-dragonfly

Hi EL

Well done! I think what Nick has said about our age being an important factor in how long it takes to regain control must be very true. You are now where I am after 30 weeks. I am 50 and you are 20 something?? Lucky lucky you. And lucky me to have discovered this method, which has a 75% success rate compared to AA's 5% success rate. No wonder I always felt like a failure in AA - I was in the 95% majority...
Hope you don't miss the bf too much. How long is he away for?

Take care
Sticky