Aww EL, sorry you are feeling a bit discouraged. Nick is right, you are not even 3 months in. Chin up EL, you will succeed!

Hey EL,

I feel for you. I wish I could offer more than mere words of encouragement, but here goes:

Positive point #1.
When your biggest vice is drunken Karaoke, you’re in a pretty good place. Remember about the Coke habit you mentioned? Things could be a whole lot worse.

Positive point #2
A quote from your early post: “Blackouts, vomiting and stupid behaviour are quite common… usually there is a night every week or every two weeks where I end up blacking out … I'm sick of this and ironically, it seems to be happening more (the blackouts and stupid behaviour).”



Your progress is a vast improvement on pre-TSM drinking.

Moving forwards
You once mentioned your goal is not abstinence but just to never lose control again.

When I’ve had a few drinks and felt like losing control, I’ve taken another 50mg Nal to ‘strip’ away any excess endorphins and to control my alcohol ‘high’. Of course, the usual medical disclaimer applies. Prolonged use of 600mg Nal can cause liver problems so don’t take much more than 100mg. But I always have it there in reserve.

I think the key point to examine is the “Fu*k it – I’m off to do what the hell I want” feeling you get. For you it’s Karaoke… could be worse!

You’re incredibly intelligent, and you know the Nal won’t help stop this behaviour, but it can help you control it… but only if you want to.

I precisely understand the manic but awesome feeling that can happened after too many drinks. At the karaoke bar, you are invincible – the centre of attention; singing all your favourite songs, busting awesome dance moves. Being adored by all.

So what’s the problem? Well, it’s the out of control feeling plus morning after self-loathing that’s not working.

Maybe your new vocation in life is to set up a Facebook group – I love Karaoke NYC – then you’ll have a safe group to party with when nobody else will.

Seriously, though, you know the solution… with patience you’ll get there.

Stay strong.

Andy.

hi EL-

well, i have 1 full week of TSM experience under my belt, so i'm sure i can dish out TONS of great advice! HA! but within my 7 days i have gone through many different emotions - excitement, fear, hope, and disappointment. i worry that i may be in that dreaded 20%. i've read most of your thread and it seems to me that you are definitely in that 80%. it's working for you. i guess this is just the roller coaster ride everyone talks about. so stick with it - you are on your way to a better life!

--pepper

HI EL,

Can you share your version of EL's Bar please? We all need cheering up!

This might also cheer you up http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVmmYMwFj1I

Andy x

Thanks for the words of encouragement guys!
As for "EL'S Bar", I'm not sure I have one exact story in mind....but I have OFTEN bought an entire bottle of wine or bourbon from a bar when closing and convinced the entirety of the remaining bar patrons to come to my house and continue drinking. I used to live around the corner from my local bar (and knew quite a few locals) so it wasn't as incredibly dangerous as it seems - but still not a fantastic idea!!!
Oh the money spent!!!!
Feeling positive about TSM today, but also feeling quite like having fun and drinking tonight. I'm going to see some of my friends play music, but the show will be over relatively early (9 or 10) and then it will most likely just be hanging out in a bar. I'll be with my bf, who gets bored after about 3 drinks and that many hours, but I suspect that I will want to stay longer and it might be a bit of a tug-o-war. On the one hand, it's his last weekend here (he'll be gone for two months after that) ; on the other hand, ever since he dislocated his shoulder I have done everything for him, including laundry and cooking and cleaning and staying home and not seeing many of my friends. So I feel like I deserve a bit of a night out (not a disastrous drunk mess, mind you, just maybe hanging out with friends even if he gets a bit tired earlier than i do!). I'd like to keep it to 5 units tonight. We'll see if that works out.

I've got a question for you guys out there reading. So I may have mentioned this before, but the nal seems to make me nauseous and throw up quite easily some times - WELL before I am drunk to the point of being wobbly, slurring my words, whatever. Basically last night this happened again. I had a glass of wine and then three bourbons, in about 3.5 hours. A bit fast drinking for me, but nothing horrendous. Lots of water with this, and a good dinner beforehand. On the second bourbon alcohol started tasting gross but I really wasn't even tipsy yet. After I finished the third (forcing myself honestly at this point, I had bought it after all) I just KNEW I was going to have to throw up. Went into the bathroom and threw up but all liquid/bile, no food (sorry if this is TMI!). Because I'm an idiot and we just found out gay marriage was legalized in NY I did continue celebrating and had about 3 more drinks over the course of the night (another 4 hours or so....and the drinks were not too tasty, but no nausea). ANYWAYS. This is the third? fourth? time that this has happened to me on nal, where this would NEVER have happened before. AT first I was tempted to think that this was my body telling me what a "normal" drinking limit looks like, and when I should stop. But to be honest, I really don't think 4 drinks over almost 4 hours should be making me throw up, ESP if I don't even feel remotely drunk. And in the past, when I did throw up from drinking, it was ALWAYS the end of the night and a horrible thing. With this sort of vomit, it's almost like I get it out of my system and then feel better and can keep drinking (though I know that's stupid). I guess my questions are the following. 1) Has anyone else had this experience and have any advice or wisdom to share? 2) could it be some sort of allergic reaction to the nal? 3) if i've taken the nal hours prior, does vomiting have any effect on it? in other words, could I be vomiting OUT the nal, which is why I can continue drinking afterwards?
This whole thing is really strange - it's unlike any drunk vomiting I've ever encountered, and it's usually pretty sudden and not accompanied with other signs of drunkenness (dizziness, stumbling, etc). I guess this means I should listen to my body and not try and drink past it, but I guess I am worried that itmight be a sign of something else (wrong with my liver perhaps? I dunno).
Thanks for listening guys.
EL
(all in all I had 7 drinks last night, when I planned to have 5, but it was a celebratory and unexpected night as we ended up at the Stonewall, so numbers-wise it's ok. Hint of a hangover today but mood is good).

El, the only thing I was thinking _might_ possibly help would be to get another brand of nal that might have a different coating on the pill. Seems like a pretty remote possibility that it would help, but I have a loose recollection of reading that someone had a problem with one brand and not another, with the coating thought to be responsible. Thought I would thrown that out. Sucks you have to deal with this.

Coffee ground emesis is when an individual has episodes of vomiting that resembles coffee grounds. During these episodes, the fluid the individual brings up will be dark brown or black. It will have a granular consistency much like coffee grounds. This type of vomiting is usually the result of bleeding into the stomach.

There are various reasons why an individual may experience coffee ground emesis. The most common cause is usually an ulcer in the stomach or the upper part of the small intestine. An ulcer that bleeds can leak blood into the stomach, causing nausea. As the gastric juices mix with the blood, it can cause the blood to turn from red to dark brown. [http://www.wisegeek.com/m/what-is-coffee-ground-emesis.htm]

Scary!!! but no, doesn't look anything like coffee grounds. More like light yellow/greenish liquid. (yum! this is such a gross discussion!)
EL

Nothing in this post should be construed as medical advice E-Lou sorry you're having a rough time with getting sick. Your stomach contents will be empty after about 2 hours following a meal which means your nal has been completely absorbed and accounts for the bile like emesis. Nal can have some interesting effects on the opioid receptors in the GI tract like slowing peristalsis and gastric emptying and giving you withdrawal like symptoms (nausea & vomiting e.g.). Some people seem to be more sensitive to this than others. I have only experienced what you described once on nal after only 4 drinks but it didn't occur until the following morning but it was so profound it got my attention. Out of curiosity has this ever occurred on a 2-3 drink night or only when you hit 4 drinks?