"The path will not be straight until we get there".
Thanks lena, and forgot to say Welcome back!

Hi Elf - I had an "up" desire week as well (back to my old levels of drinking)...I'm really not worried about it though and I don't think you should be either. I just keep looking over the past 6 weeks and noticing how much better I feel physically and the reductions in cravings is still there. EVEN if I look forward to going out to dinner and having wine, who cares - normal people do that too! It's going to take awhile before everthing evens out, but the big picture is we are experiencing more control overall than before, and that is huge.

Keep looking for little successess each day, little signs that you are on the right path and ignore signs that the dirty old rat is still there. So he's still there, big deal, we know he's only got a few more months to live...

Here's to week 8 for you!

Facts are : Consumption has doubled on what it was .
I'm still doing AF's 3 this week of which two in a row .
Craving was negligible on AF's .
I still get a peak , spike at the weekend . Friday night always is seen as as an opportunity to relax through alcohol it is also actually a stress time too concerning my daughter who comes back who is a really trying ado . So this seems to be a big habitual reflex . Then there is also this "trying to get round the block "approach to drinking , I don't have this often but I think it's what's going on and it sets in if I go past about 8 units .
So last night I took about a bottle and a half of wine , which is probbly the highest I ever go since tsm . As I used to drink two bottles (or more ) most fridays this is improvement.
As a binge drinker perhaps, as said this will take longer and a rise in intake is ok at this point ..... ??
Morale is a bit low as am nursing a medium strengh hangover. But tsm is for me and I shall go on , like everyone else I hope .

Hang on! This phase you're at, when consumption goes up, seems like a real test for many of us. YOU WILL GET THERE.

Elfern,

I had the exact same experience with TSM and my binge drinking as what you are having.

I was seeing a decrease in my overall craving level and AF days weren't that difficult. However, a couple times a week, I'd lose control and binge. This would push my numbers for the week up. I was also feeling down, big time, after having these binge nights.

Just know you are making progress, but it is going to take more time to extinguish this desire to binge that it is to bring down your overall craving level. Trust me. I was right where you are -- it will come. For me, the desire to binge is now WAY down from what it was, but not 100% gone. I now control it instead of it controlling me. In time, I believe the desire will be completely extinguished.

Q

I'll be so glad when that happens

Thankyou , Q , . It takes time as you say
meanwhile it's good to see your encouragement , (and Lena )

Hi Elfern,

I can understand your disappointment. On Friday night, I was doing well - slowly drank 6 beers (not a lot for me). Then, I decided to have a Bloody Mary. It tasted great, so I decided to have "just one more" - then I apparently kept going until I got sick. I drank 1/2 of a fifth - that's 12 oz./drinks! On top of the beers!

I couldn't believe it, and I paid for it dearly. I threw up for a full 24 hours - missed a gorgeous day/boat ride/nice dinner out with my husband and relatives, etc. So, Saturday basically didn't even exist for me... I guess that might be why I decided to have a few too many beers yesterday too - maybe making up for the opportunity I missed on Saturday??

Sadly, this pattern wasn't all that uncommon for me prior to starting TSM. Once my stomach gets upset like that, I often can't keep anything down for an entire day. Stupid and embarrasing, but luckily this time, I was just with close family, so it wasn't anything they hadn't seem MANY times before. Obviously, I never want to get sick like that, and it doesn't always happen (even when I drink WAY too much), but I've always taken the chance for all these years. Last summer, I missed the "day AFTER my husband's 50th birthday party" party - Latvians generally stretch such celebrations to a few days, as the excuse to socialize and drink is too tempting So in that case, I didn't just embarrass myself, but also my sweet husband in front of all those friends and relatives who'd traveled/made a special effort to come. Everyone was enjoying the beautiful day, while I was inside hugging the toilet!

Even though right now I'm totally disgusted with myself, I'm going to assume it's all part of extinguishing my tendency to blow it with insane binges at times. I simply refuse to believe that crazy spikes like this are an indication that TSM isn't working for me. Why? Because overall, I was starting to see real improvement. Like life in general, I'm going to hit some bumps in the road. I also know the "opportunity to drink" trigger will be especially difficult to overcome. The past couple of weekends, my husband and I could get away without our daughters, so no need to hide my drinking at all. Seems I try to "make the most of it" when I get the chance. I'm always the one to drink on Sunday, when everyone else gets sober because Monday means "back to reality". My reality has always been warped by alcohol, but I really DO BELIEVE that will change.

I've found if I would just "listen" to my body and stop drinking after a few (because the craving definitely isn't overwhelming anymore), my progress would exceed my wildest dreams. In other words, if I was still really trying NOT to drink, it would be SO much easier than it was before. My childish rebellion fuels the belief that nobody can take the right to drink away from me. I will fight it until I die, because I'm entitled?? It's hard to believe I can be so selfish, but the alcohol brings out either the best or worst in me, and the bad has overtaken the good - why else would I be here?

Gosh - I'm SO sorry to have gone on like this, and I didn't want to hijack your thread Elfern. I'm just REALLY upset right now, and needed to "talk" to you all. This community is so supportive, and much more valuable than traditional therapy. I don't want to discourage anyone new here. TSM really IS working for me, but nothing will take away the despair of a random crappy day. I'll get over this and look forward. It's wonderful to know you're all here with me. Thanks for listening.

Boy I do hear you Kris, sounds so much like me onther than I just started this method and have not seen any progress. This was a lost weekend for me and I feel horrible today (depressed). I know this goes with the territory for me and am beating myself up til tomorrow so actually it is another lost day. This too shall pass, I hope for the two of us. Have read your posts and felt your positive attitude that I admired in the past.

OOOWWW moan, moan ,groan I think I've just had my five thousandeth hangover
(seems about right for a trajectory that started in about 1973 and enjoyed few intervening periods of sobriety in between !! )
I saw all KrazyKris had to say and once again felt what a gift what a dream it'd be to get the monkey of the back . Just a couple more months courage my Krazy and Labear . I'm down too , but two months ......
KrazyKris was it the alcohol that made you Krazy ? Or vice versa ? Perhaps that particular riddle is chicken and egg ?

The chicken and egg riddle is a good analogy - I was going thru a lot of hell when I was 11, and my parents were getting divorced. I started doing stupid stuff just to act out, I think. Smoking was first, then sneaking liquor from the already drunk, screaming, f-d up parents. Wow - that first buzz got me hooked. No matter how bad the hangovers, etc. - anything to pretend I was someone or somewhere else...

Pot smoking was about as common as breathing back then, and I did my share of that too. In eighth grade - 1) at the bus stop in the morning 2) at recess 3) just after school 4) to walk the dog one last time at night. Everyone also smoked cigarettes and joints in the bathrooms between classes - and this was MIDDLE SCHOOL! Really weird, and I grew up in a fairly affluent area. And guess what? A pack of Marlboro Red's EVERY day! I haven't smoked that much in my whole life since - I was really on a course of self-destruction. I even inhaled this crazy spot remover for a while back then - it said "harmful or fatal" on the label, but I didn't care. It's not like I had it so bad either...My Dad had money, but didn't give it away freely because he grew up in the Depression, and worked his ass off to become sucessful - (I thought that was a good thing). I was very lucky to grow up with a cottage on the water, etc. I was exposed to things I can't ever offer my children, and my Dad never went to college or relied on anyone.

BUT, my Mom was a bitter mess from the divorce (my Dad screwed every pretty thing that walked, but she was pissed because he actually fell in LOVE with his secretary), so I watched her get drunk every night, as I lived alone with her. I was the only person she had to listen to her. I loved and respected her at a time when nobody else did. She did the best she could, and she's a wonderful person, despite being a bitch so often that she drove people away. Mental illness seems to run on both sides of my family, and it was a real trip to live with her. My husband used to say (we've been together since I was barely 18), that she had "fangs".

Wow - I'm really rambling today. Sorry for that. But getting back to the "chicken and the egg" question, isn't it hard to guess sometimes? I do think I reacted as a child by distracting myself from what was happening. I'm also very sensitive - (a BIG no-no with my Dad). I never measured up, despite getting outstanding grades, etc. He respected women with short, dark hair and big boobs. I was blonde, into long hair, and still can fit into an A cup in a pinch!

Yes - I think the emotional pain I felt, even though trivial compared to people enduring truly horrible problems, led me to seek anything that gave me a buzz. However, once the addiction set in, I don't think the pain was required. I wanted to drink to feel better when I was sad, happy, indifferent, angry, or just breathing! ANY reason was good enough! So, I still don't get whether the chicken or the egg came first, but I know with this addiction, one small thing can lead to another, and eventually the snowball effect takes over. Alcoholism is an evil and tenacious disease that ruins lives. I look forward to kicking it the ass once and for all! Watch out world!