Ooooh Andy you know I think you just illustrated a difference for me I'd never really realized: blacking out versus passing out. The other night I passed out on my couch after drinking, never making it to bed...which I thought of as blacking out. But actually I think I just sat down and fell asleep because it was 4am and I was drunk lol! Not that this is a good thing...but it makes me feel better that it wasn't totally poisoning my body. I have had a few total blackouts in my life, where I didn't remember how I got home, and few "grey" outs where details were fuzzy....SCARY ****.
And Ketch, I agree with Andy - if blackouts are a constant problem, maybe drink slower, even if you need to tell yourself that you can have more drinks in the long run? I feel like that might be less dangerous than completely losing control.

Good point Andy. There have been many an evening that I just got totally over the top because I drank too much, too fast, and on too empty of a stomach. I can drink white wine very quickly. My husband is so surprised by how much is gone because he's a (micro) beer drinker which is incredibly filling and bloat causing. It's hard for me to drink that very quickly. I've told him before that wine is practically like juice to me, it is just so easy to drink. I would definetly say that my worst nights were caused by drinking too fast. I don't really black out very often, but I do "grey" out and my mood gets really unpredictable.

Break a leg Ketchikan! And it sounds like Saturday night went really well for you. Great job!

-dragonfly

I love you guys! I'm not blowing smoke either. I look sooooooo forward to returning to this magnificant forum because from all of you I learn sooooooo much! Unlike in dumb-ass A.A. which, for me, just reinforces my weaknesses, powerlessness and immorality. Screw that nonsense!

Gosh, I am like you DragonFly, I can guzzle white wine. It goes down way too easily.

But Andy, you made a brilliant point! I have been passing out and not blacking out and the difference is great. And this realization that came to me with the help of your having had begged the question is really appreciated!!!!

I had to weigh my current drinking and evaluate my past drinking. And it is not as it once was. In fact, it's getting better.... all the time.

Now, a curious happened last night. Of course I was more than aware of the fact that I had an early call time this morning (7:30 a.m.) and the pressure was greater given the fact that these shows are my first of the season. Nonetheless, whether it was rationalization or TSM or both, last night the 6 units of pinot grigio did not taste good. Definitely not as good as usual. It tasted... ummmm.... less crisp and vibrant. You could liken the difference between a really frosty pint of brew to a warm can of grody-ass Busch beer. There's a big difference there. And there was for me a difference last night.

The performances were good today. The Lumberjacks high-fived me after the last show wrapped. Boy, I had forgotten how much energy it takes. So I grabbed some Thai take out, ate, and crashed in front of the tube. I have tomorrow off. There are no ships in.

And, impressively, I don't feel like drinking. The mere thought of consuming white wine kind of makes me cringe.

Believe me: This is exactly what I am striving for! To NOT feel those sneaky, little positive reinforcements. Thank you universe. Thank you Dr. Sinclair. I am surely on my way!

On a different note. Mark has kind of given me an arm's length attitude. Granted, he is on vacation in the Lower 48. But still, you'd think he'd care enough to at least call and wish me well with my first shows, right? But it is still mid afternoon here.... For the men out there, I have a question. Why do you guys reel back when a woman gets close? Is it really the thrill of the chase you guys are after: ALL OF THE TIME? Why is it that ignoring you is the best strategy? I don't get it....

It's a rather disappointing thing. On one hand I get great applause from a sea of strangers and on the other hand I am totally a babbling brook slash ditz when it comes to intimacy and one-on-one relationships. Oh well. Nobody has it all. Except maybe Jennifer Lopez at the moment. Congrats to her. She's worked damn hard for it. That reminds me of what Jamie Fox said. He said that he remembered (from having worked with Lopez on, "In Living Color") ..."Before it was "J Lo" it was, "Hey Ho." Whether she slept her way to the top... does anyone care?

Enough already.

"Break a leg." Actors say this because we are hoping that a performer will get through the performance and break a leg in courtsey or bow.

Thanks for the well wishes. I wish you all luck in return,

Ketchikan1

Hi Ketch

Good to hear your performances went well. I too can guzzle the white wine!
Sorry to hear Mark hasn't phoned. Hope he has by the time you read this. Oh to be young & single again! And have men falling all over you! Make the most of it - it was ususally me dumping guys in my 20's. But it doesn't last. I'm starting to feel ancient at 50..
Take care

Sticky

That's a pretty impressive achievement.

I know you were a bit down last week - but having looked at the facts - you have seen that things have measurably improved.

If you pass out - so what? Who cares. As long as you can remember crawling onto the couch. I think the blackouts are much worse.

Remembering the night is an easy thing to measure (once you know your blackout limit) and makes quite a nice achievable goal.

On another topic, how did the thyroid thing go? Our marriage counsellor actually had her thyroid removed in April; 2 weeks later she was back at work.

Also - did the gluten allergy test come back positive?

take care and enjoy the AF day today,

Andy.

Andy, I must say, you are following me so closely..... I want to address you as one of my medical team members!!!! Many thanks! Thanks for caring so very much! I am seeing an endicrinologist (sp.) May 25th at 11:15 a.m. And yes, Dr. M, I will get a gluten test. Geez.... you are formidable!
P.S. A couple I waited on gave me a "pound." Or a quid... whatever... And when I visit Denby Derby, I'll be buying you your first drink. Hopefully you will insist on it being a soda water and lime by then!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sticky, you can't fool me. You are gorgeous! 50 makes you all the more wiser and prettier!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Mark has not called. Whatever. He had better bring me a great gift from the lower 48..... period. Now I know that he is a guy's guy. Meaning he fishes, hunts and hangs out with members of the male species. So be it.

Let him be autononmous. F-I-N-E.

As for me? I worked 9 hours today at the Pioneer Cafe. Tomorrow too. Then Saturday off. Yes I am drinking. Lots too.

Are you surprised??????????

Not,

Ketchikan1

The Pioneer cafe sounds great - I love a big breakfast.

However, Looking at this review, "There may be a little wait on some mornings." I hope that's not you my dear

http://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g31030-d657898-Reviews-Pioneer_Cafe-Ketchikan_Alaska.html

How was Sunday for you?

Hope it's all good

Andy.

Hi all!!! Sorry I dropped off the face of the earth. Actually it's my damn Dell laptop again. It is defunct. Well, the wireless adapter somehow broke again so back to the shop it goes. It sucks because I've only had the computer for 6 months or so. It's been in the shop twice before. I am at the library.

Okay, so you should know that the company for whom I work is opening up a second venue in Pidgon Forge, Tennessee. Instead of, "The Great Alaskan Lumberjack Show" it is named, "The Great Smokey Mountain Lumberjack Feud." It opens in August of this year. There was a VERY talented performer by the name of Danny Black who was plucked by our GM Shauna Lee from a show he had been performing for 7 years in Tennessee about 4 months ago. Shauna wanted him to come up here and perform a couple of Lumberjack Shows just to get him up to speed.

So, Danny performed the Disney show up here last Sunday. It was a packed house and he was PERFECT! More like a stand-up comedian. This is why I am explaining this: In every performance and certainly in auditions-- you always want to follow a weaker performer. Well, guess what? I was following THIS guy the next day and he set the bar soooooooooooo high that when my 8:00 a.m. performance came around, I swear to God-- I could not shake the nerves! Now, I am speaking into a mike so all those jitters could be detected by the audience loud and clear.

So. I went home after the first show. There was a break until 11:00 a.m. and to calm my nerves, guess what I did? Yep, any alcoholic would probably do this too.... I took a Nal at 9:15 a.m. but only had a three-quarter glass of wine before I headed back to the show.

I redeemed myself wholeheartedly. But not because of the wine. Because I got my act together. Here's the significant part: I did not drink again until 2:45 p.m.-ish and this is the amazing part-- I only drank 3 beers! I had no desire for any more!!!

Now, what I am thinking is that for me an hour, for whatever reason, is not sufficiant for my brain chemistry. So, I am going to test the waters by taking Nal at least 2 hours before I drink. Let's see, shall we?

Other than great shows today and a much anticipated day off tomorrow, all is well in my world. Going for a bite with Patrick. Mark was supposed to have been in town today. We have not been communicating much. Such is the way of life for an alcoholic. We scare many 'a good one away!

Hope all is well with all of you!!

I'll report if my new formula works: Nal+2 Hours+Al+Patience=Regained Contol.

Bye for now,

Ketchikan1

Ketch, there is nothing wrong with taking nal 2 hours before drinking and for some situations this may even be beneficial. We know that stimuli can be associated with one another so the sights, sounds and smells of alcohol (or the idea of alcohol) can come to ellicit a response that is just as powerful as the alcohol itself. If you had to err on taking nal too early or too close to drinking taking it a little earlier is probably the way to go since you will be blocking the endorphin release of all the associations you've made with drinking. They can be as simple as sitting in your favorite drinking chair, having a cigarette, walking by your liquor store and many others. Nal-on!