Thanks for the encouragement guys. Now that the "alcohol blues" have worn off somewhat,I feel a bit more lucid about the whole thing (even if still embarassed about passing out on the couch). My bf is really supportive, and although he expressed concern that I appeared to be able to "drink through" the nal for the first time, he believes I'm making progress nonetheless. So that helps. I'm think I'm going to be AF or almost AF this weekend to give my body a chance to recover.

Total units for week 4: 29.5. A huge spike upwards from the past three, honeymoon weeks, and a return to pre-TSM drinking, in sheer numbers at least. That's the negative. To focus on the positive: most of that drinking was done on one night with a VERY big, once in a lifetime trigger (passing my PhD defense). I would have had to be a saint, and much further along in TSM to NOT overdo it on that night. So I'm not going to beat myself up too much - nothing bad happened, except a nasty hangover the next day. In more positive news: the other days that I drank, I was always able to keep it to 1-2 drinks, and feel totally in control and happy to leave it at 2 drinks, which is definitely new and nal-related.
I'm expecting this week and the next to be more of the same - not only is my end of honeymoon happening, but it's going to coincide with MANY social/work functions, graduation ceremonies, family gatherings, and general merriment and parties. I don't think these next two weeks are going to see great reductions in units, but I'd like to keep each drinking sessions to 10 units or less (unlike my 20? unit night on Wednesday).
Happy Monday everyone...

E-Lou, you're doing great. Just survive the next couple of weeks. You've got a good attitude and you're right not to beat yourself up. I predict good things for your TSM future.

Good luck with the parties. I'm sure most will be boring as anyone with a PhD is rather academic and stuffy... right

If you are in NY - have a drink for me in Pianos, Ludlow Street in the Lower East Side... That's where I met my wife - as we passed on the steep wooden stairs

Oh Andy, I haven't been to Pianos in aaaages!!! But if I ever go again, I'll think of you
It's strange, normally monday would be a super easy AF day - work, then hot yoga, then dinner and relaxing at home. But today I'm at a loss and really thinking about drinking. Not thinking about getting DRUNK, mind you, but thinking that a couple of glasses of wine or something tonight at home would be nice. I don't know what it is - perhaps being done with the Phd, such a huge project, and not knowing what to do with myself at the exact moment and not really, well, having much work to DO; perhaps the fact that I can't go to hot yoga tonight because my instructor is sick; perhaps that I've been at home since 3pm instead of getting home much later. I've taken a nal in case. The craving is rather strong right now, which is, again, QUITE strange for me. I normally would not think about drinking on monday and even if it crossed my mind, be able to bat it away rather quickly. But since this whole process is supposed to extinguish triggers...I suppose I will go with it and drink if it stays a strong urge. This process is strange. I almost feel like the past week or so I am allowing myself to drink on more days (if not necessarily more units) because of the nal.

Hi EL- I just caught up on your thread. Congratulations!!! You had every right to go out and celebrate- what a huge achievment! Sounds like you and I had a similar weekend in that we had to learn the hard way about a "nal-over". Blech!!! Like you, I had about 9 units over the night but I drank vodka and beer which I don't usally drink. I was totally slammed the next morning and I didn't even feel that drunk the night before! I didn't even "grey" out, so I was surprised by my hangover. Earlier in the week I had 8 units of wine in one night and the next morning had a hangover- but nothing like the one on Sunday. Jebus, it was bad.

I think that your current craving is probably due to your change in routine. Are you feeling bored or anxious or lonely? Emotions are a big trigger for me and so I'm working on "sitting" with my feelings until they pass on their own instead of forcing them to go away with alcohol. The aspect of TSM that requires you to wait an hour before drinking really helps with that.

I think you're doing great and I'm sure you'll see improvement in the next few weeks!

-dragonfly

Thanks dragonfly! Yes, nal-overs are terrible. eep. to be avoided. I think you're right that change of routine is unsettling me, simultaneously with boredom, anxiety, and, oddly enough, celebratory happiness at the same time. I guess I was just wondering if it was better for me to sit with the feelings and not drink at all, even if that is uncomfortable (as I would often do pre-TSM) or see this as a trigger that needs to be extinguished and "succomb" to a couple glasses of wine. I've taken the nal, but no drinks yet. We'll see how it goes I guess. I don't actually feel bad or anything - just doing load after load of neglected laundry and thinking it would be nice to catch up on some trashy tv with a glass of wine....
EL
ps thanks everyone for the support...i fear i am a rapacious poster and commenter hehe .... no one ever gets kicked off of here for posting TOO MUCH do they????

I had to google "rapacious" you damn PhD boffin. No 'winking smiley' for you.. well maybe one

So how's the laundry doing? After this what's your next project? Translate US Constitution into French? That will go great with Freedom Fries!

If you are so rapacious - how about a blog of your own? rapacious.com is available for $5,000. On a more modest budget, wordpress.com is a good start.

Wider afield than that, what's on the drawing board for the next year? I think Academia would be too boring for you.

Good luck with the wine tonight - and what the hell. 2 glasses won't hurt anyone; am I allowed to encourage an 'in-control' drink?

But you have to promise to go to the gym tomorrow.

Andy.

So, two social/celebratory engagements down this week; two more to go. Both have gone very well. Yesterday was a dinner with department friends and colleagues with drinks afterwards. I had four drinks over about 6 hours. I felt myself getting clutchy for the fifth, but it was relatively easy to say no and go home at that point (1am anyways...!). Tonight was an even greater success. Department end of semester party and sort of professional congrats for me. Had two glasses of wine over about 4.5 hours, NO desire to have more. I am now tired and very contentedly at home watching tv. In seven years, I don't think there is one single department party at which I have not gotten at least quite tipsy (even if no embarassing events really ever occurred) but more importantly, which didn't lead to post-department party massive drinking on the town. So I'm at 10.5 drinks total so far, with Thursday-Sunday left in the week, Thursday definitely being AF, and Saturday being a going away party for a close friend, and Sunday being my graduation with parents etc. I'd be happy to keep this week at 20 drinks, but we'll see.

Hi Electra Lou

You are doing great with such a celebratory time! Enjoy your weekend and don't worry too much about units. You'll only ever get your PhD once. And I doubt I ever will!! Couldn't imagine going back to study with kids around, but plenty of people do it.

All the best
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