beentheredonethat Post subject: Re: Phoenix-Binge DrinkerPosted: Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:42 am
"And, in answer to an earlier post, yes you should take Nal every time you drink if you want to keep moving forward."

Hi BTDT,Mmmmm,i can't find that earliar post you refer to.I have always known the importance of taking nal at least one hour before drinking and have adhered to it religiously since day one except for one time only in october when I forgot.
Anyway,a quick update.Almost 4 months since i started nal,still not keeping count of drinks,i just go by feel,lol
Despite the fact that my numbers are maybe just a little down,I just feel that nal is working.For instance when I first started nal I was shooting for to be a normal social drinker because the thoughts of abstinance used to fill me with terror and I just couldn't imagine it.Now,I can absolutely see myself within a few months been totally alcohol free and I'm looking forward to it.
Yes it is an up and down journey,I've been delighted on discovering that i hated wine/vodka only to be disoppointed to discover a week or so later that i again have found my taste and love for wine/vodka.

I feel I'm now drinking mostly from habit and if I can quit for a month I may never return to drinking.Yea,maybe I'm been too optimistic but we'll see.
Off to browse the other threads now,i need to come here more often and I will.

Hi there Phoenix

I was sort of in the binge drinker category when i started TSM 5 weeks ago. Meaning i'd be in AA for years but continually relapsed & binged big time. Then when i knew i was starting TSM had a few binges before the script arrived.
I laughed at your earlier posts and others replies too. Us Kiwis like Irish humour and I have met some hard case Irish people in AA.
Guess i'm not in the binge drinker category anymore as am now drinking 4 days a week and having 3 AF days. (So far.) Had a night on Sat where i drank so much i threw up outside our friends' bach. Woops, i mean holiday house - bach is a Kiwi word and nothing to do with the composer! It reminded me of a party where i threw up out the window of my flat and my soon to be boss was there, but everyone was drinking up large. Even back then (half my lifetime ago) i felt embarrassed as hell after nights like that and had a vague inkling there was something wrong with me. But on Sat i was in the company of my hubby and supportive friends and was able to apologise and be open with them about TSM. So I have come a long way. I am very optimistic that TSM will work for me, but if it doesn't enable me to moderate I also hope it can make abstaining easier than it has been. We are just at the beginning of "cures' for our illness. I heard on the radio the other day they are working on a vaccine for alcoholism in Chile. Cool!

Cheers
Sticky

Hi sticky,how is it going for you now,I have to tell you I love NZ and the kiwis,been there once on holidays when it was cheap many many years ago,I heard it's very expensive nowadays.
Anyway a quick report.
TSM is working for me I have no doubt about that,alcohol no longer has the strong appeal it used to have and I can really see myself abstinent in the near future.I could never envision that prospect pre TSM.
I started TSM a little over 6 months and thinking back I have been drinking through the nal to get that buzz by trying other drinks like whiskey.I know the time is overdue for me to put some effort into my sobriety.
For the past month I have hated alcohol,the taste and the effort put into feeling good, but am finding this habit of 30 years very difficult to break,it's like when I'm out with my friends I feel I have to be the life and soul of the party,it's expected of me so I drink whatever I think will make me that way fast,also I cannot tolerate been around people who are stupid with drink so I have to join them and get stupid also.
I know I have to give the bar/party scene a long 6 month break so I came up with a plan.
I ordered calcium carbimide from Goldpharma,it's like antabuse except a lot less harmful.So when I get it I intend to take it on high risk occasions and always at the weekends.I want to be AF for 6 months,then I'll re evaluate my situation.
Just wondering if anybody has tried calcium carbimide.
Anyway,that's about it from me,I've rambled on long enough.
Cheers Phoenix

Actually,it's been over 7 months not 6 since I started TSM.
I have decided to continue drinking once a week on Wednesdays once I start on the calcium carbimide,that way I can still continue with TSM.
About an hour ago I poured myself a vodka just because I saw the bottle.i did not even feel like having a drink,zero craving,I did not enjoy it and it made me feel yucky,yet I poured a second one.I'm thinking it's pure habit at this stage and I read somewhere that it can take 6 months to break a habit.
so the method in my madness is this...if i take the calcium carbimide at the weekends when I usually drink and only have a few drinks say mid week,i can still carry on with extinction and break the habit at the same time by still going out at the week ends and not drinking while been around all the usual triggers.
Does that make any sence?

I had one hell of a night after making that last post just over a month ago.
I went to my little local bar,a few friends were there and we were having a great time,I remember them leaving and thinking i need to go also but the bar emptied and I remember chatting with the bartender,then nothing.I woke up next day hurting trying to remember,then I felt my head and it was sore on one side,when I looked in the mirror I had a little bruising under the eye on the same side.All I could think was thank God my husband was out of town.
I could not remember getting home but when I looked through my purse for clues I found a taxi receipt and my cc voucher,i had tipped my friendly bartender 100 dollars.Inside the front door,my bag was thrown with contents spilling out so I must have literally fell in the door.Somehow i must have turned off the alarm which amazes me.How could I possibly have gone to the alarm and punched in the code in that state.
I was hungover and depressed for the next 2 days,I was also really worried that my husband would find out about it because he drinks there all the time.It's been a month and I have not been back there,husband goes for happy hour to this same bar every day and nobody has mentioned it to him.
I don't miss the bar scene at all and that's a good thing.Nal is working because I'm drinking vodka now and I don't like it.It's making me feel yucky but still I pour another.Old habits die hard.

Hi Phoenix - So glad to see you back on the forum, but sorry to hear about your story. I hope things get better for you soon....but I guess in one way they are since you are staying out of the bar. What about the vodka though....that is a wicked drink! Many here had to swear off of it before they regained control.