So, so, so true! I can really relate Susie!

I'll never forget when I was about a week in TSM, I was glued to this site, reading page after page of your riveting journey. I remember talking to the computer screen saying, "Keep on keeping on, Susie! You can do this! You can beat this nasty plague that is alcoholism!"

And by God, you did.

I can only hope that my drinking life becomes dull. Certainly I feel stuck in a holding pattern of sorts. I'm riding the same, old ride at the fair. Yawn. Dumb Merry-Go-Round. It's more like the Misery-Go-Round....

I took Nick's advice and recently switched from white wine to beer. It is better. I am less hungover and I can truly keep track of my intake. This is my sixth week and while I enjoyed two days AF, I chalked up 25 units in the past couple nights.

Hmmmmmm. Such a long way to go still. I've come a long way, though and I have a video diary to prove it. Six weeks ago, I filmed my first video... nothing fancy, I'm shooting with a little, hi-def Flip camera... and my appearance is startling! I have a red face (particularly my chin) and I am 10 pounds heavier and I captured me just waking up from a blacked-out drinking binge where I over-ate and failed to even wash my face the night before. The first words I spoke into the camera were, "I am ravaged..." And I went on to pan my fresh wounds on my right elbow, which are still healing today. A big, yucky bruise, a couple of gashes on my arm and one on my leg... man, oh, man. Wouldn't my mom be proud.... I can hear her now, "I am so very proud of my eldest daughter! She has really worked hard to become the very best falling down drunk she can possibly be! Good for you, darling! You've really aced it, what with the nightly black-outs and all! Great job!!!"

Not.

It saddens me as I reveal this to you all. But I know enough to own it. To own every sip, guzzle and gulp. To realize that we all started this treatment somewhere and for probably most of us, we began in a very fragile, broken, somber, dark place.

I heard once that things have to end badly or they wouldn't end. I came to this platform with all the hope in the world. I am more than hopeful at this point. That's thanks to the folks who have bared their souls on this site. To those who have gone before me on this path, I am eternally grateful for your courage and willingness to share your stories.

It is nothing short of miraculous: TSM.

For the record, I have not fallen down once while following this method. I continue to lose weight and I am on my way to regaining control.

I have a date today. He's a travelling nurse and we met on that cool bean site couchsurfing.com We're going to lunch. I am going to order iced tea.

Pinky swear,

Ketchikan1

Susie and Ketchikan, both of your last posts on this thread were beautiful. I have to say thank you.

Ketch - You are quite the writer....raw and uninhibited! Glad to hear things are going well for you and you are seeing progress in TSM.

Houston, we have a problem............

Beer is not a good fit for me. I believe that I am seriously allergic to something in it. Maybe the hops... who knows?

I have had a whopping 38 units in the past three nights. And I mixed the beers. Coors Light, Pacifico at a BBQ I attended last night, and Budweiser. My ass is kicked right now. I am conjested in my nose, I have a constant nagging headache and my throat hurts. The symptoms I am experiencing are flu-like, yet, all of these came on when I shifted from white wine to beer.

Damn.

Oh well, I guess it's back to pinot grigio I go. But not the boxed kind. That is for sure. I am having an AF day today.

Under the weather in a chilly Alaska,

Ketchikan1

P.S. Thanks HG and Tambo for the compliments!

That sucks. Hope you feel better soon.

Egads!! These hangovers are FIERCE!!! I went out to dinner with a girlfriend last night. Had 5 units out and probably another 5 when I returned home. Today, and I just returned from having worked, I feel as though I slammed a bottle of Dewars or... or... Southern Comfort. Yeah, that, you know: the hard stuff.

I don't touch hard liquor because it just affects me too quickly. I like riding the ride, you know?

So I am really hung over. And I have a date tonight. Not too excited about it. I just don't feel well.

I am a proud owner of an Alaskan Fishing License as of an hour ago. Thank you, thank you, hold the applause.... There is a guy I like. He's a gemini. A lawyer. An ex-marine. And a gentleman. He's taking me out on his boat Saturday. He asked, "Do you prefer, prawns, crab or halibut?" Now that's the way to wine and dine a girl!

I'll keep you posted. I am going to drink tonight. BUT, I am NOT going to start here at my flat. No way! I know the addict in me too well. I would be plastered by the time this man shows up. That would be such a rip off for him.

Sigh.

I wish I weren't going out. I'd rather just curl up on the couch. Oh well.

There are worse fates.

Bye for now,

Ketchikan1

Hi Ketchikan,

Thanks for writing on my progress and I've been reading about yours. You are fun to read!

Let us know how your date goes. I hope there's some chemistry. I'm burned out on the dating scene so I'll enjoy watching how yours turns out.

Hi Ketchikan

I just love reading your posts. Thanks for your honesty. I wish you luck on your date/s. I feel so far removed from that scene after being with the same long suffering man for 18 years. Before that my relationships were lucky to last 18 months and there was plenty of "random shagging" thanks to all the drinking!

Hubby is out tonight fishing on our 8m (24') trailer sailer (yacht). We love our seafood too.

Interestingly I have had a decrease in craving for sweet things since starting TSM. I thought it was all the wine I was drinking after years of trying to stay sober. Back in the 80's when I was a flight attendant I used to crave chocolate and tomatoes!!

Cheers
Sticky

Ketch - Let us know how your date went! Hopefully, after you had a glass of wine you felt a bit better and enjoyed your night. I don't know if you are at the point yet where you don't get hammered on Nal. I sure do remember the bad hangovers on Nal. I haven't had one of those in awhile and I'm glad for that. Hope your date was a blast!

Hi all! Well, the date went very well! We went to Cape Fox, a lovely resort nestled on a mountaintop here in Ketchikan. We bounced the mental ball back and forth very well. The conversation was lively, the food was scrumptious and I'm seeing him again next week. He lives on a neighboring island, but is but a float plane ride away.

He had 3 units of red wine. I had 4 units of white. I did not get buzzed right away. I did not overdue it either. He walked me home and when we made it to the door, he went in for a kiss and I willingly obliged. It was nice. But then, I got all flustered and haphazardly backed into the door. I was nervous and not drunk enough to quell those nerves!

I have another date tomorrow. I am going boating and fishing with that lawyer. Last night's guy is an engineer. I am telling you this because it reminds me what I heard once on Oprah. That we date and marry at the level of our own self esteem. I like that and I believe it's true.

Christ, I've been with some real losers in my life. Drug addicts, liars, fellow drunks, men who sought financial support and gain, lazy guys....

I am changing. And obviously, I am attracting better quality men. TSM has really given me hope and definitely more grace, since I haven't been falling down drunk since starting the program.

I am exercising (just got back from an hour and a half hike) again, enjoying life more, socializing more, too. I remember just 7 weeks ago, my days off were "Drunk Daze" and I would literally start drinking by 8:30 am!!! That just is not on the to-do list anymore. No way.

Remember "Shawshank Redemption"? When Morgan Freeman said, "Get busy livin' or get busy dying... that's damn straight." That's where I am and I am finding that living life to the fullest is the direction I am going and wish to continue to go.

Wish me luck with the barrister. He's a handsome one! I already know booze will not be on the boat.

Fine by me,

Ketchikan1