JDog, it's an amazing feeling to have hope again isn't it? I can totally relate to your last post. And I can tell by your reaction to nal that you'll be eventually among the ranks of the regained control.

Hi JDog

Well done on your progress in such a short time! It's good to hear that your wife's attitude is changing too.
Keep up the good work and I look forward to hearing about your progress.

Cheers
Sticky

Hi JDog, I am into my 2nd week on TSM. Initially the Nal made me feel very sick and I had stomach cramps but this seems to have subsided now. I have been a daily drinker for the past 15yrs, the only AF days that I have had in this period have been when I was to hung over to even contemplate drinking. I am very fortunate in as much as I have a very loving and supportive husband who has read and understands how the cure works. For the first time in years I feel very positive about my future and would like to share my journey.

Week 1 56 units

Well, watched the NCAA final on Monday night (horrible game, by the way). I had a guest over who knows that I went to rehab, but not that I am doing the TSM. I had about 4 units before he arrived (after NAL and 1 hr wait, of course). Snuck 2 in during the game. The interesting experience of this night was that my wife asked me to sit near her on the couch and I gave up my "drinking chair" where I had my stash hidden between it and the wall.

That is step 1. I am pretty sure that once the runaway drinking train had left the station (if this was a year ago), I would have said no b/c even though I love my wife to death, and love to be near her, I don't know if I could have left myself unable to sneak drinks. The second interesting thing was that I was able to stay there for at least an hour, until my guest left, and the game was over. I felt like drinking more, but I wasn't absolutely dying like I would have before. I saw the whole game, remember it clearly. First time in at least 3 years.

My wife and kids went to bed, and I was left to choose whether or not to have some more as it was only about 11:15pm and I expected to stay up past 12. I had the opportunity to pause and consider the next drink. Unfortunately (I think) I did have about 4 more units, woke up in my computer chair at 2:30AM (like old times) and went up to bed. I had the presence of mind to change into sleep clothes, take a big drink of water and I actually slept until work. In the morning, I was a little upset with myself for giving in to the drink late.

This contrasts with the last few NCAA title games where I was trying to slow down my drinking, trying not to pass out, and then woke up at 3 AM in my drinking chair, trying to remember who won the game, and stumbling up to bed. Next morning, "Hey Dad you fell asleep....." and the shame of the whole rediculous situation. And then pretending that I saw the whole game as people at work talked about it, while my face was all puffy and red and my head was foggy.

Last night, another 8 units. Fell asleep on couch.

I am getting ready to switch to beer, so now I'm thinking that I don't want to alarm my kids because there is suddenly going to be beer cans around and they know that after rehab (pretty traumatic to lose Dad for 28 days last summer) Dad isn't every supposed to drink again. As I have been drinking pretty steady for 3+ weeks now, I thought that they might already know and be worried. My wife thought that they are smart kids, and they must know for sure, so tell them.

So I decide that I am going to tell my 14 yr old what's going on. A wonderful mature, young teen. I say, "I guess you have noticed that Dad has been drinking some alcohol lately." She shoots me a look of horror and surprise, "You have?!" I quickly told her the TSM system, how I have a medicine that I have to take and then drink, it might cure me of the obsession, etc. (I guess it is another good sign that she didn't know. I did say that it seems to be different when I drink as I don't get cranky and start fights with mom or get angry with the kids. She said that is true.)

I could not believe how happy she was at the prospect that I might be able to be a 'normal' person/drinker in a few months. It was a relief to bring her on the inner circle. Now, only her and my wife know what's going on with TSM.

I want to tell my parents (wonderful and caring and worried about me and my drinking and my marriage). I am very afraid as my uncle (dad's bro) was a huge AA guy as well as my cousins. I want to go through the whole thing with him, but don't want him and my mom to worry themselves sick about whether TSM is going to work and thinking that I am drinking most nights again. As I have only been saying that I'm doing "fine" whenever they ask about the drinking, my wife thinks they are probably worried already anyhow.

I'm kind of hoping to sneak around for another month or two until I can demonstrate some more concrete evidence that this is going to work, but maybe that is not possible/feasible. I also have my brothers who are my best friends and I want to tell them too, but am afraid that they will think I'm being reckless. Not sure what I am going to do with this. Will update.

Tonight, it is 8:15pm. I have taken my NAL and am holding out for a while longer before I have any. I am home alone with lots available and am able to hold off. Another good sign, I suppose.

I keep trying to note positives because I still live in fear that this won't work. The last thing I want is to get totally hooked again and have to check back in to rehab to get dried out, and have to give the AA method another shot. I am a religious man, but confess that the meetings 4-7 days a week, and reporting to a sponsor isn't the way I want to spend the rest of my days. If I have to though, I will. I just really hope I don't have to go back to that.

I haven't had a hangover, and I have been able to sleep reasonably each night lately, and have been clear headed each morning.

People on this site have been so supportive and encouraging and it seems like I will eventually kick this, but I cannot deny that I worry.

I was worried too for at least 30 plus weeks. But your signs are clear and convincing evidence that TSM is working for you. You are taking the right steps, including noting the positives, exerting minimal effort (at this point you should definitely drink through cravings), educating yourself about TSM and now, switching to beer. I think that could really be a big move for you: for those of us who can drink big numbers, you really have to drink a ton of beer before you blackout. I'm willing to bet that in the near future you will feel too filled up on naltrexone to want to drink enough to get really wasted.

Hang in there. Re-read Bob3d -- he had big doubts and doesn't drink a drop now. Firebird and Q are others who had their doubts who are must-reads as well, as is everyone on "the cured/regained control" list. If you read how others had their doubts and then regained control, it may make you feel better about the process.

This will work for you, I'm confident of it.

My best,

Nick

Jdog,

Your experience sounds totally amazing, and so soon. It sounds like your family is a wonderful support system which is crucial. I am the child of an alcoholic parent, and when I was 14 I would have rejoiced at him telling me that he was taking nal.

I'm definitely rooting for you! And if you are a religious man, then I leave you with one adage. If you're going to pray: why worry. If you're going to worry: why pray.

This will work for you, I know it!
80s

Briefly, my dad came over and before I knew it, I was telling him what I was doing with TSM. I gave him the book to read, sent him some links to the net and explained how I came to this. He was supportive, a little confused for sure, but he's a great dad. I feel totally relieved that he knows.

I talked with him until around 10:30pm and then poured myself a drink and sat down for the TV. In an hour I had 4 units. I was having a great talk with my wife and started to get sleepy. Went up to bed, watched another 30 minutes of TV and conked out (sleep, not drunk). Previously, I would have let her go up to bed, poured another couple and maybe or maybe not have gone up before I passed out.

I felt so good this morning and had my optimism back. Twice this week I have started drinking and stopped. Hasn't happened in yrs.

Hi Jdog, well done on the posts, you express how you are feeling very well. Your thoughts/doubts/concerns at this early stage are perfectly reasonable. In fact they continue throughout I'm sure. I suppose on a subconcious level, especially if we've attended AA at some point, there is a believe that alcoholism is "incurable" so its reasonable to have concerns about the validity of TSM. However, a glance at the "cured" list does confirm the genuity of this method. On an individual basis you will notice small attitudal shifts in how you think about alcohol (which you're already documenting) and I think these also support the efficacy of TSM. Enjoy those little victories along the way because it is a long process and inevitably there will be downs. You're doing really well and eventually, in time, your family will come to have a bit of faith that TSM is working for you as well. Have a great week, Warrenjames

Well here goes: 58 units, 0AF. Friday to Thursday 9,10,12,8,8,4,7=58

The bad news: A lot higher than I would like. The good news: 3 separate days I stopped and either dumped out the rest, drank a big cup of water, or went to bed and slept (not passed out). I did not have a hangover.

Last night 7 units. Stopped, had a big drink of H2O and went to bed. Had a minor argument with my wife last night, no big deal, but that would have normally opened the floodgates for a bad binge (12-15 units). The NAL slammed on the brakes after 7, I got some clarity, didn't want more and had a big drink of water and went to bed.

I must say that I have felt great at work, especially the last 3 days of this week. My head is clear, and I wouldn't say that I'm not thinking of alcohol all day long like I used to, but I am not worrying about it. Today is Friday and it was a busy week. I am tired and looking forward to the weekend. On a previous Friday, (even during my stretches of no drinking) I would have had the booze on my mind, the voices in my head arguing back and forth as to whether I should go to the liquor store or not, etc. I would have been debating making my wife upset, wanting it, not wanting it, etc. etc. etc. This would have continued until either I gave in (and woke up at 4 AM on the couch with 15 units gone, and feeling terrible physically and emotionally), or until after 10pm when the liquor stores were all closed and I knew I was finally safe. I have never left my house late to go to a bar. I'm pretty well known in my city and my ego has kept me from going out to a bar to get my drink on.

There is some peace in knowing that if I am going to drink (which I am tonight for sure), I'm going to take my pill first, probably not lose control and not have to suffer the guilt, shame, and bad reaction of my wife. Previous to TSM, if I drank on Friday, even if I was clean Sat and Sunday, she would be mad and it would ruin the whole weekend. I am pretty confident that things won't get out of hand tonight. I am planning to watch a movie with my kids and maybe a baseball game on TV tonight. I was habitually starting a movie with my kids on a Friday night, and passing out before it finished. They thought that I was a really deep sleeper, which is pathetic. "Hey dad, we lifted up your arm and shook you, but you didn't even hardly move, so we went to bed." I'm lucky I kept waking up after these binges.

I'm also not emotionally depressed. When I drank before and went through the endless cycle of drinking, waking up hungover and mad, promising not to let it happen again tonight, drinking again, hung over again, another broken promise......and so on. I am a very successful and high achieving person and have been able to master myself in every other way. Alcohol had me in its grip, and it nearly destroyed me. Sometimes I was so sick of letting myself and my wife down that I figured it might be better if one of my binges finished me off. It was terrible.

NAL drinking isn't shameful and I honestly think that somehow it is keeping me less depressed. Much like I don't become an argumentative jerk when I drink now, I don't have the depressed feelings of self-loathing that I used to in the morning. It feels like a chemical change, not just an attitude change. But that might be my imagination, I don't know.

That's enough for now. As always, much longer than I expected to write, but I do enjoy documenting it all. I sure hope this story has a happy ending....

Something seems to be turning. I was all set for a big drinking night. I had my vodka, tonic, ice, juice, etc.

Nothing to do with the kids Saturday morning. My wife is happy and wouldn't have thought much if I overdid it, as we are both prepared for the long haul on this. It was the end of a tough work week and I was tired.

Went for a 5k run. I had already taken the NAL. Had 3 units at around 7pm, before I ate dinner. I didn't hardly feel a thing, even though I was on an empty stomach. Normally, the floodgates would have opened. Not this time. Ate dinner, with 1 more unit. Started the movie, poured a big, mostly water drink with 2 units. Drank it over the first half of the movie. End of story.

I had absolutely no desire for another drink. It wasn't that I was able to keep myself from another, it was that I didn't want it. I decided to have some Cheetos (not exactly a healthy choice). I would have turned down a drink if it were pre-poured and offered to me in a cold glass. Watched the rest of the movie with a calm mind, not one fighting itself over whether to drink or not.

It was an amazing feeling that I have not had before. I am trying to tell my wife how different it is, and that this TSM is working. She is happy, but not like me. I don't think she can understand the entire transformation that seems to be occurring. Our marriage had been perfect before my alcoholism screwed everything up the last few years. I have hope that I will be totally back to my good self shortly, which will make everything better. I feel so much better about myself.

I went to bed with my wife, and fell asleep and slept great. I know 6 units in a night is hardly moderate drinking, but compared to my past, it was an amazing night.

Best to all....I am filled with hope that I will be able to defeat The Beast with TSM.