Am predicting your Coors headache will be milder than your pinot one. Hope so, anyway. And hopefully no blackouts. Coors to you.

Drinking is much better with light beer. Who knew, bud, bud....


Er, YOU did, Nick...


Thanks!

From a hailing Alaska (Yes, Hailing),

Ketchikan1

Hi Ketchikan

Great to hear more about your next production and that good ol' Kiwi wood has its part!

I have had 2 AF nights and am now stuck into a bottle of Pinot Gris. Couldn't wait to get home from my son's ice skating so I could start drinking. Hubby's grumpy mood when I got home didn't help!

I enjoy reading your posts and look forward to many many more.

cheers from downunder
Sticky

Argh. My tummy is mad at me. Too much alcohol. But it was fun while it lasted! I'm such a drunk. It's pretty darm pathetic, really.

This is why I love this forum! I can be raw and honest and I am among people who TRULY understand.

Who created this website anyway?

So, I have made the decision to forego vino. No mas el vino. Beer only and it'll be light if at all possible. I feel so yucky today because I mixed what Nick affectionately described as my, "Cheap-ass Box-o-Piss..." That's right-- it's just how Nick rolls over there in Minnesota. He's right, though. That boxed wine is crap. Plus, there was no way to get a true unit reading.

I finished that wine and drank an entire 12 pack of bottled coors light. I feel nausous for sure. I had my usual handful of vitamins this morning and I'm going to sip on green tea, hot with nothing added to it. Sigh.

Then I am signing the show contract at ten. And I'm forcing myself to hike. I have declared this to be a "Sober Day."

It's non-negotiable. I need it. My body needs the break.

Later gators, Ketchikan1

Yeah, mixing alcohol is another recipe for feeling like ****. Just keep light beer around and you'll be ok. Forget the pinot.

It's April 6th and I am having a SECOND AF DAY IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't remember the last time I had two full days and nights sans alcohol! This excites me very much! Well, I woke up at least 4 or 5 times last night, despite having taken a 5 mg. ambien. The good part was that I was able to wake up, come to my senses long enough to realize that I had woken up and then had the wherewithall to go back to sleep. There have been some fitful and restless nights on this journey thusfar.

I worked at the cafe and we had a late rush, always tiring when the rush hits when one's shift is supposed end. I wasn't irritable, per se... just on the move. All I could do was crash on ye' olde couch after returning home. I needed motrin, too, as I had the aches and a mild/moderate headache.

That's the main reason I am not drinking tonight. I am curious to see how my alcohol withdrawals carry out. I want to reach a happy medium. Also I was thinking that I have only been working at this cafe for 6 months. I'm hoping that the triggers from working there, usually it's a confrontation with a co-worker or a physically demanding day, are on the out and out. Why not? An alcoholic can dream a little dream.... The triggers from this job are not so deeply ingrained, correct?

The major triggers that I will have to contend with lie directly before me. A lot them surround intimacy, dating, love, relationships, sex, and growing in a sexual union and partnership. I just broke up with a man that I had been seeing for perhaps 4 months. Nice fellow but no chemistry. I couldn't even find his lips to enjoy a romantic kiss. That was a red flag to say the least. Many nights we hung out at his beautiful home, he cooked scrumptious dinners, and I kept drinking, drinking, drinking. Because a mere invitation to become intimate in a one-on-one scenerio spins me right into spinning myself out of control in alcoholic fashion. In this case, it was okay, because he drank right along with me. But, it always ended in a blur... a blacked-out event.

That just won't do anymore. I care neither to casually date nor casually sportf$#k. Pardon my lack of diplomacy. Look, I'm revealing this now, so when the spikes in my alcohol use occur, and they most inevitably will, when (and if) I meet a man I genuinely care for and want to get to know better... you guys will know why: Because I'll be scared shitless and fear is a MAJOR TRIGGER for me.

Mainly, I made a decision to work on this project: To take my part in the Sinclair Method and to see it all the way through. I am 6 weeks strong and I'm happy to say that I have been sober for the first two days of my sixth week. No small feat, believe me!

The challenges are ahead. And don't I know it. Thanks, all, for lending an ear.

Best, Ketchikan1 P.S. My sweet tooth reared it's ugly head today! Two doughnuts and a soda pop later.....

Awesome, two AF days! It's working!

Yeah, we boozers like our sugar fix. My candy intake has gone way up since TSM.

Sports****. LOL. Get a handle on the booze and you will find that things that once caused you stress are not so bad after all.

April 7th, 3:50 p.m.

Worked today, and I woke up feeling really well rested, although my dreams were again on the violent side. Opened the cafe at 5:30 am. I found some of the shift to be b-o-r-i-n-g. The time just d-r-a-g-g-e-d byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....

That's my big challenge. Life without alcohol will be tragicaly predictable. God forbid! Of course, that's not how life works. Change is the only thing we mortals can count on. But that's not the point.

What is my point?

I work with a lady who should have retired 10 years ago. Okay, if you want to know her appearance, just watch (the brilliant) foreign film, "Pan's Labrinyth." Lou, my co-worker, is EXACTLY like the frog/troll/creature living in the dying tree. I'm serious. This woman is toxic, but more than that, I am forced to work MY tables as well as HERS-- and if I don't, her tables and the people occupying them will SUFFER-- by waiting endlessly, not being checked back on, ignored because the frog-queen is yet again smoking in the backroom, etc., etc. (I'm over it!!) etc..... (Did I mention that I AM OVER IT!!!)

Ughhhhhhh. And she is combative towards me. Perhaps because I am literally running circles around her professionally.

Dude, I am not one to toot my own horn. Shee-it. IF I had a horn to toot, it would be a rusty, ol' trombone that squeaks as it slides. I am very humble; quite modest.

It simple EXHAUSTS me that I have to do her job and mine. A big trigger, wearing myself out on the clock.

So, I'm 5 deep into the Coors Light. And, what's worse is that I am purposely (yet stupidly) ignoring a big, ol' laundy pile that needs to be dealt with. To be honest, completing that chore is quite overdue.

For those of you who have your own washer and dryer, say a silent prayer right now for your darn luck! Is there anything more trecherous than having to haul laundry, endlessly waiting to wash, dry and fold it and then once again returning the laundry back to one's abode.

No!

Oh, wait.... yeah there is one thing worse: Working for, with, and by the troll-woman that is Lou.

Sorry.

Just venting,

Ketchikan1

Hi Ketchikan,

A belated welcome to the board. Only just got a chance to read your progress thread yesterday and really enjoyed it. Love the humour in your posts, I think a sense of humour is much needed in the TSM toolbox.

Really identified with what you wrote about fearing that life might be boring without the drama of a booze filled life. This is something I really used to worry about when I first started TSM. My 15 years of alcoholism had been a real rollercoaster and in some weird way I liked that, it felt like a way of opting out of the day to day humdrum. When I first started to have success with TSM my life felt a little flat without all that drama. This feeling was shortlived and I actually really grew to love just getting on with the day to day things that get so neglected when we take up full time drinking. I also found that I gradually started to pick up new interests which give life a new flavour- I think this is essential if you are someone who thrives on variety and a bit of adventure in life. What I realised in hindsight was that it was actually my drinking life that was dull because all I chased was one experience...'drunk'. I neglected all the other experiences that had the potential to enrich life. Even when I did have a new experience the focus became on getting drunk e.g. I would travel to a new place and just look for the nearest bar, I would go to see a play but get shitfaced before I saw it, I would meet somebody new and would be thinking how quickly I could get us both drunk. Also my drinking adventure had become boringly predictable ....'drink, offend someone, black out, wake up shame ridden, puke for a few hours, swear never to drink again, have another drink'. It does take a little time to adjust to the new way of life but believe me its worth it.

Look forward to reading more of your posts.

I agree with everything Susie said so brilliantly.