Interesting day yesterday. I did not take Nal the night before and really noticed a difference in my endorphins yesterday. I had an incredible work out, food tasted great and the signs of Spring just made me feel so happy. I consciously decided to drink last night and found myself forcing the wine down. I just kept thinking if I drink enough I will get to that warm glow. All I got was a flushed face and irritated that the alcohol was not working as usual. And I am glad that I had this experience as it enforces how great a day can be without alcohol and Nal, and I will never drink without my Nal.
My husband and I continue to get along, I am losing weight due to drinking less and I am looking forward to many social occasions without being worried about getting drunk.
I have a long way to go and know that I have many drinking triggers to yet extinguish. This was evidenced by a night out with friends this past weekend. They are big drinkers and we went to a casino and the drinks just kept coming. I had a great time and didn't do anything stupid, but I did pass out on the couch that night and hurt the next day. And I didn't feel guilty or ashamed as I would of pre Nal, just recognized it as another learning experience on the road to control!

Whew, Bluehen. I haven't been on for a while but was apprehensive to see you at the top of active posts. So glad to see that things are going better for you and that you feel like you are making progress. I meanwhile feel like I am drinking as much or more than ever, but I am a little ways behind you. Blaze a trail girl!

Hi BlueHen - Yes, around week 9 my numbers started to even out and come down, although very slowly. Right before week 9 you were having those unit numbers all over the place that you couldn't even keep track of. So now you are seeing some progress in keeping more control which is a really good sign.

I ended week 10 with an easy AF day and started week 11 by drinking 6 glasses of wine last night. I probably would of drank more if it was available but after coming home from the bar there was only 1/2 a bottle of wine in the house so I finished that off. The end of the night is hazy, I do remember being angry with my husband but I don't recall why. I don't think we actually argued as I remember thinking "you have been drinking so hold your tongue".
So what was positive about last nights drinking episode? I ordered a soda water at the bar and drank it in between glasses of wine, I did not think about alcohol during the day or make sure I had "enough" alcohol in the house for my evening drinking, I did not feel anxious about getting my first(or second drink) and I actually went to the bar for a different reason other than drinking-karaoke. I had a nice time at the bar and just wish I had come home and not had anymore to drink. So the lesson learned is not to have any alcohol in the house(although that 1/2 bottle had bee sitting in the kitchen for 5 days, which would of been unheard of pre TSM) so I am not tempted to keep drinking. And I feel very comfortable with that, also a new feeling since starting TSM.
I read these small successes, or at least successes for me, and realize to a nonalcoholic it might seem very silly, but I see them as baby steps toward gaining control.

Hi BlueHen - Those are great successes. I totally relate and remember those little successes. They give you a lot of hope and keep you going in a time when you are still drinking a substantial amount. Good for you.

The "little steps" are crucial. They will keep happening and add up to regaining control. You are on your way!

Big drinking weekend-and I will just say I don't feel shameful or guilty about it. I am not happy about the amount of calories I consumed both with the alcohol and the late night munch attack that always follows a heavy drinking session, but that is not my focus right now, ending my heavy drinking is.
I set out to drink Friday night, planned that day to have enough wine in the house for myself and my husband so I wouldn't "run out". Drank until I went to bed, but I did make it into bed and nt passed out on the couch.
Saturday night I again made sure there was alcohol in the house for that evenings drinking and I drank until bedtime. But again I made it to bed with a big glass of water.
Sunday we went over to a friends house for dinner and I did some serious drinking- probably 10 units, I don't remember really. I broke my no hard alcohol rule and straight shouted vodka. I don't recall the last part of the night or coming home and passing out on the couch after raiding the pantry, awoke half way thru the night and drug myself to bed. I don't have a hangover today so I am assuming I drank water last night, that has been one of my biggest advancements while taking Nal is remembering to drink water while I am drinking and prior to bed.
I could feel set back by the heavy drinking this weekend, but even though I over drank I still notice a difference, be it small, in how I am drinking. My husband and I continue to get along well, I dont feel remorse the next day, I am not blacking out every night( I actually remember the movies I watched on Friday and Saturday night!) and I am adding water to my drinking evenings.
One big change I am noticing is I am not paranoid anymore. I felt like I was getting very paranoid prior to starting TSM. I didn't trust my husband, who has never given me a reason not to trust him for the 27 years we have been together. Has anyone else experienced a feeling of paranoia when drinking heavily, and I don't mean just when you are actually drinking, but even when you were sober?
Sorry about my typos my iPad is such a pain with auto correct and I can't scroll to the top of my post to edit-Ugh - hopefully you can get the gist of what I am saying

Hi BlueHen - Good to hear that you are still feeling progress. Sunday night sounds like an extinction trigger. I too am having no significant hangovers, black-outs or making a complete fool of myself these days. I seem to have regained control over my drinking except for the daily drinking and the amount I drink each day. On Saturday we had family over for dinner starting at 3:00. In the past, I would have poured my wine before they arrived. Instead, I didn't pour it until dinner was ready around 4:00. I also stopped drinking around 7:30 and sat and visited while drinking water only for the next hour. Of course, after they left I poured another glass of wine and ended up at 5 1/2 glasses for the night, but I was never out of control. So, I relate to what you are saying completely. We just aren't at the point where the numbers are coming down as much as we want. In a few weeks you will likley find that drinking 10 units in one day will be impossible. That is what has happened to me. I am leaving wine in the bottle when I go to bed. That was impossible at week 10 or 11.

Thanks Half Glass, I really look forward to the days when I just can't down 10 units.

Week 11 is my worst since starting-62 units, and I am not even sure that number is accurate-essenticially my pre TSM numbers. I had strong cravings all week, and found waiting an hour after talking my Nal a struggle. I was definately watching the clock. I am feeling discouraged.