It is reassuring to read all your posts and know that I am not alone and am struggling like everyone else-thank you for sharing.
Last night I did drink-again too much about 8 units finishing off the last of the vodka and a bottle wine-but it was a controlled evening-once again not passing out or behaving badly- and I discussed with my husband that I didn't want to have any hard liquer in the house. He had wanted to make himself a bloody Mary but I had already drank the vodka so I had to tell him "you aren't going to be able to do that-how about a glass of wine"? He chuckled and said "wine sounds great". Releaved that he wasnt disapproving I felt comfortable bringing up my desire to keep hard liquer out of the house. He readily agreed and suggested we could have no alcohol in the house if I wanted. I explained that drinking was part of the TSM program so I would continue to drink wine, which I have more control over. He understood and it was very pleasant to have his support.
We are in a good place and it has been months and months since I felt this "safe" with my feelings with him. I have to wonder if Nal is part of this? As my mind changes and thinks like less of an alcoholic our relationship is improving? As I grow stronger and less reliant on alcohol and my behavior is less erratic we are healing? I suppose time will tell.

Mixed weekend. Friday we went to dinner and a movie. Had two glasses of wine with dinner and that was it for the evening. I had no alcohol in the house so night caps when I got home were out of the question, as well no pre going out drinks. I thought about getting my first drink and was glad when it arrived. I considered suggesting we stop for a drink after the movie or get a bottle of wine from the store to enjoy at home. But I just didn't feel that compelled to do so and was completely comfortable when we got home to just read on the couch before turning in.
Last night I was busy painting my kitchen and kept thinking" I can stop and have a glass of wine, but it simply wasn't as important as continuing to paint. I did eventually stop at 8:00PM and poured myself a glass of wine, but I wasn't feeling any anxiety to have not had a drink earlier in the night. We than got a late night invite to visit friends and I felt the need to slam a few more glasses before we left and had several more at our friends home so when I got home I passed out on the couch. Bummer because I think if I had just stayed home I wouldn't of over drank. But if I don't have alcohol in the house and easy access to drinking I don't feel deprived or enough desire to go get some. This is a very new feeling. I used to spend a lot of time thinking about my drinking and where my alcohol was going to come from. I think I will continue to not keep alcohol in the house and see how I do.

Hi Bluehen, that sounds like great progress. You will find that after a while all these subtle changes will start adding up. Also don't be surprised if in a few days or a few weeks your mind will start wanting alcohol in the house again. You'll waver back and forth for a while and that is part of the process.

Good job BlueHen - You are now able to keep track of your units which means Nal is giving you more control. It's nice to remember how much you drank, huh?

Bluehen, you are making nice progress. First the feelings change then the actions. That's where the habit part needs work. You'll get there. Let nal chip away at the addiction and then you work on the habit part of drinking. Soon the pre and post drinking will slow and then cease and you'll be on your way.

Last few days have had some good results; Sunday we went to friends for dinner and while I did drink it was very controlled and I didn't feel obssesive. I did drink more when I got home but again I didn't pass out on the couch and drank lots of water prior to bed. Monday was AF and it was easy. I just didn't have alcohol in the house so it was an option unless I wanted to make a trip to the store and I was not compelled to do so. I will not buy any alcohol today and shoot for another AF day. It feels so good to go to bed sober and awake with no headache or dread of the hazy memories of the night before. So today I fee very positive about my progress although I understand I am far from my gaol of gaining control and my addictive mind will put up many more battles but it is days like this that give me great hope.

Posted my numbers for week 9- better than the past few weeks. This past week has been a mixed bag both emotionally and with my drinking. I don't have a lot to say other than I am having more days where alcohol is not calling me in the evenings, but some nights there is a very strong craving and once I start I don't want to stop. So I have been controlling the amount of alcohol that I bring into the home and that is helping to lower my numbers.
Happy St. Party's Day to everyone!

Hi Bluehen-I'm so glad I had a chance to get caught up with your journey, and I empathize with the struggles you had a few weeks ago. I remember how disappointed I was, after a few weeks with a drastic reduction in units, I was so incredibly bummed I could slip right back into my old habit of polishing off 3 bottles in a night without blinking an eye. It was very discouraging and I got lots of reminders on this forum of the old "strap in for the roller coaster ride" adage.
I'm glad to see things have improved of late and I hope that you stick with it, and keep letting this forum be a source of support (it made all of the difference for me). I told myself that no matter how bad things got, life was still much better than my life preTSM

Hi Bluehen

I'ts so good to hear things aregoing better for you & that your husband is being supportive. Well done on your reduction in units and keep up the good work!

Cheers
Sticky

Blue Hen,

Great to see your progress and those subtle changes in behaviour which indicate that gaining control is on its way. I was also very glad to read that you feel that things are improving with your husband and what a positive step that you felt able to share a bit more about the TSM experience with him. I also felt gradual changes in my relationship with my husband over the course of the process. Don't think I'd realised how much my drinking was chipping away at the relationship and affecting him. Its such a positive sign when our relationships with those around us start to change for the better. I wish you all the best with your journey.