Hi Sticky - Sorry to hear about your bad week. You are really too hard on yourself though. It doesn't serve a purpose to beat yourself up like that and in fact, is counterproductive. It is better to keep positive that you are on TSM and making progress. Despite your slip, your numbers aren't up and that is what matters. As an aside, your story is pretty funny though. I can just see you walking barefoot to get wine and acting like a bag lady. Oh, how I relate. How about the time that I decided to start painting a door at the top of our very steep sweeping stair case while drunk although pretending I wasn't. I'm lucky I didn't kill myself and all I did was spill a can of white paint down the stairs when I toppled down the stairs. My husband looked at me like, "now you have just gone too far.....what the hell is wrong with you........the kids shouldn't see you like this!" The punishment was that I had to clean up a full can of white paint off the walls, down the stairs, on the carpet and all over me. That is probably a mild story compared to yours but I have done much worse than that over the years. I remember another time when I thought this teenage girl who lived at the end of our neighborhood was driving too fast and I took off at a dead run barefoot after her car until I caught her and started screaming at her at the top of my lungs. That neighbor never did speak to me again. I scared the living sh....t out of her kid. Oh, so many stories, huh! We will both laugh about all of them when our day comes to say we have regained control. In the meantime, I love your posts. Thanks for sharing so candidly.

Have a lovely week.

Sorry Sticky - Maybe your numbers were up a little bit. Oh well, EXTINCTION BURST while walking barefoot to get your wine and pretend to be a bag lady for a few hours! No big deal.

Hi Nicky, sounds like you've had a tough week but don't be too hard on yourself. Remember your overall progress has been positive and you WILL get there. You said "I probably deserve it". Don't let yourself believe that, shame is an emotion most alcoholics are familiar with and it acts as a trigger. You deserve what everyone else deserves- dignity, respect and love (especially from family). Your husband said "your'e f$%king up our family", your husband was deferring to his default setting (that is to blame you because you are alcoholic and therefore all family problems are your fault) which spouses will do when they are tired/frustrated/scared (as you yourself later realised). My partner does this too. Whenever we have an argument she digs the knife in. Just remember all problems aren't your fault, you can't change the past and you are doing the best thing you can for your family by confronting your alcohol problem (which a lot of people never do). As for leaving the house, I think we all feel like that from time to time. I sometimes think I would like to leave and start afresh and have to remind myself that 1. i'd be leaving behind those I love and 2. I'd be simply running away from my problems rather than confronting them and would eventually have all the same problems again given enough time. So keep your head up, I'm sure everyone will remind you that the program has ups and downs, but stick with it. You will get there and things will get better and better (and eventually your husband will realise this as well). Hope you have a better week this week, Warren

Thanks so much HG & Warren

I know I am too hard on myself at times. Too much alcohol can negate the effect of my antidepressants and that's when I'm most hard on myself. At least this bag lady episode was relatively short lived! In fact the weekend went quite well and hubby was OK about the whole thing after the first day. So was my Mum, who, apart from reminding me that alcohol is a depressant (as if i didn't already know that!) has let the episode slide. My sponsor has been as awesome as ever.
So it's onwards and upwards. Hubby did say today that it didn't seem like TSM was helping much so far apart from the honeymoon period, but I said it was helping. We're both a bit nervous of me making an idiot of myself at my party on Saturday. Maybe i can hold off drinking for a while at the start, but i doubt it!!
I liked your funny stories HG. It's good to be able to laugh at ourselves.
Take care
Sticky

Hi Sticky - Don't worry about the party. It is just one day, albeit an important day for you. If I remember right, it is your 50th birthday party. We are both struggling right now. My numbers in week 14 are way up and unless I do a couple of AF days I'm going to be posting the same numbers as when I started TSM. But, what can I do? It seems to be part of the process. So, I just keep taking my Nal+Al and figure in time I will be reporting what St. V reported this week.

I love your stories too. Even if they come from the "depressed" part of you, they sure are funny.

Have a great week.

Hi everyone

This week has been better than last and my units were down on last week, thank God. I still had a couple of nights where I had far too much. Tues I had a friend come and demonstrate some skincare products which I felt obliged to buy. Also my friend who is hosting our joint 50th at her house came over to sample some wine I'd bought. My sampling was more than a bottle's worth by the end of the evening.

Last night I went to my friend's to sample some wine she'd bought(!) then to a fundraiser at the local tennis club. A whole heap of clothes and shoes had been donated to sell to raise money for the Christchurch people affected by the earthquake. I had a ball and bought 8 items for $130, some designer stuff. Also caught up with some friends I hadn't seen in ages. Drank rather a lot tho' and towards the end of the evening actually drank the leftovers out of a couple of glasses in the changing room when no-one else was in there. Gross! Then bought more wine on the way home, but fell asleep on the couch and only had a sip. Hubby said he could hear me snoring from downstairs!
So I'm a bit tired today but in good spirits. Looking forward to watching some TV I've missed on the PC and having a good sleep not affected by alcohol.

HG - thanks for your post. Am keeping positive about the party and will try hard to drink water between alcoholic drinks and maybe not start drinking until after the party has been underway for a while.

Take care all of you

Sticky

My progress so far: (NZ units)

Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF
Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF
Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF
Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF
Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF
Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF
Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF

Good going Sticky - Your units are back down. Hope your birthday party is a blast.

Happy birthday Sticky! Good to see you bounced back well. I understand how you feel about your birthday. Its probably better to feel that way than be overconfident or blase. You will be fine. I thing it is a good tactic to avoid the warm up drinks. You will probably find that you are well distracted from drinking by all the well wishers. Hope you have an awesome party, happy birthday and I'll cross my fingers for you. Warren

Hi everyone

My party was awesome & so was my drinking!! Started at 8pm with an alcohol free punch and a big glass of water. Had a few wines and a couple of alcoholic punches but got thirsty in between and actually drank some water. Danced for ages as the band was great. My friend's house looked amazing at night with the spotlights, fairy lights and decorations. It was great to catch up with some old friends, including a friend from uni days who flew over from Melbourne (Australia) via Wellington. Hubby kept joking that he was an old flame,but he actually never was even tho' he would have liked to have been! He is happily married with 3 kids. Also had some good friends from Sydney come over. We said no presents on the invite but got a few anyway & today I had to ring around a few people as I couldn't remember who gave me the gorgeous perfume!!
At the end of the evening (for me about 1.30 am) I felt fine to drive home. Hubby came home at 5am!! I think he was still drunk Sun am when we had to do all the cleaning up! I was so glad I didn't feel that bad and that I didn't make an idiot of myself.Was very proud of myself and so was hubby.

Hope you are all going well.

Cheers
Sticky

Sticky, that is a great story. A lot of times you don't realize that TSM has been chipping away at your addiction behind the scenes but every now and then along the journey you get a test of where you are. You passed yours. You'll surely have more ups and downs but I am so happy for you that you had a great birthday party. Cheers and Happy Birthday.