HG-I totally sympathize. I don't get the buzz anymore either. Sometimes, I feel like I cannot wait for that first glass and then I just stare at it, hating it, not wanting it, but knowing that if I have enough, I'll feel better. But that doesn't happen anymore. If I got to 5 or 6 or 7 glasses now, I would feel even worse. To make things worse, I use to suffer badly from IBS; once my drinking got bad, the IBS went away. Now, as I'm lowering units to 3 a night, the IBS has come back with a force and I'm sick every night. I tell my husband that I should be rewarded with good health, not feel like I'm being punished for my progress. It's like I have to learn how to treat my body all over again. I went through a phase about 3 weeks ago when the cravings were really bad, like thinking about it at 11am. That's when I started using ice to lower my units and the cravings did go away. Don't beat yourself up, you'll get through it. It's almost like your brain is mourning a death, the death of the endorphin high from alcohol, and it is still in denial. No matter how much you drink, that high won't come. Sure, you'll get wasted, maybe fall asleep or pass out and feel like crap the next day, but that euphoria, that high, won't come. Hang in there and push through. Things will get better.

"Maybe once I get it through my brain that I can't get high unless I want to drink a couple of bottles I'll stop drinking more. At least I hope that is true."

Hey, HG, you are just like a bird. Why do I say that? Because if you train a bird to peck at a lever and then reward it with a food pellet, the bird will repeatedly peck the lever to get the food. This is conditioning or learning and directly applies to we alkies. We had the drink and were rewarded with an endorphin rush, among other things. (BTW, the endorphin rush occurs at a subconscious level and is not "the buzz" that alcohol gives us.) However, when we drink on Naltrexone, it's no different then the bird pecking that lever to get the food pellet: you don't get the endorphin rush and the bird doesn't get the food. And do you know what happens to the bird when you take away the food pellet? Studies have shown that the bird pecks more and more enthusiastically at the lever in an attempt to get that old reward, the food pellet. So when you take away the reward, the bird actually pecks at the lever at higher levels than it did when it was rewarded with a pellet.

You are having the "extinction burst": an increase in drinking which is the result of your subconscious trying to regain that old positive reward -- the endorphin rush -- that is now being stifled by TSM. You WILL eventually get it through your (subconscious) mind that the reward is not coming by continuing to drink on Naltrexone. When your mind gets it -- no reward is forthcoming -- the extinction burst is over and your drinking impulses are sharply reduced or eliminated (extinction). It takes a while, but when you get through this spike, you will be well on your way to regaining control.

My best,

Nick

Hi HG,

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad week. I just want you to know that you are still an inspiration to me and the other newbies on the board. When I read your post I was grateful by how open and honest you were. You are helping me to realize when the going gets tough, I do have a support group to lean on here with the board.

I wish you all the best.

-80s

Hi Nick, Server, and 80s - Thanks for the encouraging words.

Server - Since I am about 3 weeks behind you, I appreciate your post as it tells me that I am still on track. My cravings are the problem right now. I really can't stand the taste of wine anymore and I certainly don't feel any benefit from it as it makes me feel yucky from the first sip.

Nick - Yep, I'm a bird....a little bird who keeps pecking away....and away....and away, but the reward is gone! I don't know what comes after this, but I will be glad when I'm done with this phase of TSM. It ain't no fun. I pour the wine and it just makes me feel like crud as I drink it. So, I know that I'm making progress and even though it isn't pleasant progress....any progress is good.

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Or not, how do I insert a graph that I have saved at Image Shack? Ugh! It has taken me weeks to figure out how to create the graph and now I can't figure out how to insert it.

Hi HG

Sorry to hear your numbers were up this week. They are still way down on pre TSM levels though. It must be a good thing that you are not getting the same buzz anymore- nal is working. I can't say I've noticed that reduction in buzz too much yet. Am enjoying feeling not hungover today (Fri) and am up early to read and respond to some posts.

You have a great weekend.

Cheers
Sticky

HG, at 13 weeks you numbers are down about 1/3 from where you started and that is great. This is where things just start getting interesting for many. More ups and downs to come but as long as the trend is down don't worry. You'll get there.

Better week this week. My numbers are down again. I went out with friends for dinner last night and had only one glass of wine. However, I still noticed the intense craving and couldn't wait to get home and have more wine. I even got irritable. Still, I am reducing my numbers which makes me happy. Total for the week is 36. I do hope my graph appears in this correctly.

Hi All - I was so worried about getting my graph to show up that I didn't post much about my week. So, here is a bit more about week 15.

I noticed last week that my cravings were reduced so that is why my numbers were reduced. Last night when I had the intense craving for more wine while out with friends I rushed home so I could have more wine. However, I took the first sip and thought I was going to gag! It tasted awful. That made me even more irritable than I was during the time I had to wait for my wine between the restaurant and home. I then had the intense urge to rush back to the restaurant and find out what stock Chardonnay they had poured for me during happy hour as I kept thinking that wine tasted so good and the one I'm drinking at home tastes so bad. Then, I realized that I would likely get back to the restaurant and that wine would probably taste bad too. Afterall, whatever they were serving was a cheap wine. So, I pressed through my intense distaste of the wine I was drinking at home and ended up drinking 5 1/2 units for the night.

I've noticed that once I get to around 3 glasses it doesn't matter what wine I'm drinking.....I just want more. However, I've also noticed that I have a limit now and don't drink past 5 to 5 1/2 units per night. Once I get there, I don't want more. So, maybe in a couple of weeks my limit will be 3 units and then 2 units, etc. In any case, I just keep plugging along taking my Nal+Al and seeing progress with each week although it is slow progress.