I haven't posted for awhile, I have had a few rough weeks and my drinking has been bad. That said I have kept taking my Nal and this past 5 days have felt the difference. I have been traveling and have not had access to a alcohol as freely as usual. My first drink of the evening has been much later in the evening and although I order a second glass of wine with dinner I don't feel the anxiety of getting it and finishing it. I had a long and hairy drive home yesterday and that would normally find me itching for a drink. But I didn't feel that way and while I still had way too many drinks last night it was different and really just habit.
I haven't been keeping count of my drinks per day but am going to get back on track with that. I am feeling more in control and much less obsessed with drinking. I have great faith that I am gaining control albeit a very bumpy journey.
One thing that was disappointing is that my Dr. only wants to prescribe 3 months worth of Nal so I will have to order online. She will only let me take the Nal if I am not drinking so I have been unable to be honest with her. My husband would freak if he knew I was going against my Drs orders and getting my pills online so I have set up an acct with a debit card so I can do so privately. The only challenge will be getting to the PO Box before him. All this sneaking around is exhausting and frustrating but I am determined to do this. Hopefully as I make progress I can point to my results as proof of the validity of TSM and quite the shannagins.

Thanks for posting Bluehen, i have been watching your posts. I am several weeks behind you, I am also entering a time of business travel and do so with trepidation. Thanks for updating us, and keep up the journey!

Hey Bluehen, good luck with getting your nal. It just shows your dedication that you're willing to go through so much trouble to get your pills. Won't it be nice to prove to your husband how well this has worked once you're well into this process?

I say don't worry too much about drops or increases in units right now. Those numbers can be all over the map in the beginning. What's more telling is how the subjective experience of drinking and craving has changed and it sounds like you're experiencing what those who go on to be "cured" experience at your stage.

Sorry you cannot be upfront with your husband about your treatment. It really helps me to share this journey with mine. Have you given him the book to read? That may help him understand. You could share the sight as well. All day chemist will not deliver without a signature. I receive a notice on the door and then bring it to the post office. I wonder if the same will happen with boxes. It may buy you some time to cover your tracks. He should not be able to pick up your order without your signature.

Hi BlueHen - I remember that feeling of thinking I would be itching for a drink as my return home would be delayed or late, and then to get home and realize I hadn't been itching for a drink afterall. Good for you. That is solid progress.

Thank you eveyone for your comments and suggestions. I need to update my signature with my drinking journal but since I haven't been keeping track for the past few weeks I am going to wait until I have a solid recorded week to post and will mark the lost weeks as ?.
An observation about my drinking on TSM is that I am not consumed with guilt and self hatred when I drink. Previously I would awake each morning with thoughts of how terrible I was for having drank too much the night before. Now I don't worry about it, and it is such a relief! I am also not constantly thinking about alcohol, that used to plague me daily, all day. Thoughts like I am a hopeless drunk not worthy of love and that everything was my fault. I am getting happier as the weeks go by. And my husband has made no mention of my drinking-even though we have been fighting so much lately. And that is getting better.
I still drink too much and don't remember some evenings very clearly, but no stupid behavior or raging when I am drunk. Actually when I drink I am perfectly content and I only argue with my husband when sober. I think he is a bit confused because I am only angry with him during the day and and perfectly fine at night after a few drinks-poor guy. I noticed he kept refilling my glass of wine last night:)
I am getting ready to order my Nal from River Pharmacy so that I don't run out!

Ok I decided to update my drinking journal today and not wait for a fully recorded week. Funny how I had no problem documenting my AF days-of coarse sober I remember how much I didn't drink!

Hi BlueHen - Too funny that your husband is now refilling your glass! Tell him he's inconsistent and he ought to get on one wagon or the other! Just kidding.

To keep a better measure of your drinks (not that you have to) do what St. V does. Take a black marker and mark the glass and then record your unit in your book as you pour the next one after you have entirely downed the one before. I found it hard to keep track of my units when I wasn't doing this as I might refill my glass when it was only half empty. I stopped doing that around 8 weeks and noticed that I wasn't drinking as much as I thought I was which was good. Buy yourself a nifty or pretty journal to keep track of your units helps too.

Good luck this week.

Half glass Thanks for sharing the idea to keep "tic" marks while drinking, I will begin doing that! Yesterday was a AF day. I felt absolutely exhausted, took a 3 hour nap in the afternoon and still was tired! Turned in early and couldn't fall asleep but couldn't read as I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open. Finally fell asleep only to awaken numerous times very hot and sweaty-I think that is perimenapause, and today I am still tired ugh! Had a hard night of drinking the night before last and am wondering if the Nal is starting to give me killer hangovers the next day? Going AF last night was easy and I think I will shoot for another tonight. It seems like when I drink now I am trying to drink thru the Nal, get enough in my system for the old buzz. And when I have an AF day I think that was easy do that more-but than habit takes over and Bam! I am drinking way too much. I haven't found my off switch but abstaining is easier-not all nights but some nights.

Hi BlueHen - The sweats seem to be part of TSM. I've been having them since I started. I remember Bob3d mentioning that during his TSM experience so I'm pretty sure that is part of it. It only happens to me at night and each night's sweats varies...sometimes pretty intense sweating and sometimes less so. I am now in the phase where I feel hung over after less units. That must be a part of this too as I get up in the morning and look like I really tied one on the night before even though my units are down. Can't wait to be where Tambo is at and reporting on today.