Thanks HG, I am just hanging in as I finsih up week five. Ugh-again I really don't want to post but I am determined to do so-I want an accurate record of this journey for myself as well as others who are just starting out. I cling to the posts of others who have gone through similar ups and downs, although it all feels down right now. I shouldn't say that, Sunday was an easy AF day and I will hopefully make tonight another AF day. Last night I had hoped to limit myself to a glass or two of wine, but that didn't happen. Started with a stiff drink at home before we headed out to dinner. Met with friends to celebrate Valentines Day and ended up having 3 glasses of wine at the resturant. When we got home I was feeling pretty tipsy and had several shots of rum. Why? I didn't need it, but my off switch was not working after the several drinks I had already had. Of course I don't feel very great today. But I will say that I drank my wine slowly at dinner and wasn't consumed with getting my next glass. If it hadn't been offered I would not of requested the third glass. And that is a new feeling. So I will hang onto that.

Hang in there Bluehen, there has been more than one on the board (Bob3D, Q) who doubted this was working at 15,16 or even 20 weeks only to find control to come in the following weeks. You are showing some subtle signs that alcohol is losing some of it's allure. Your opioid receptors are going to fight back though so don't be surprised if drink numbers rise and drop over the next few months.

I agree with St. V - Hang in there Blue Hen, it will get better. Just keep tracking and taking Nal+Al. It isn't anymore complicated than that.

Much Love, HG

Ok I am writing this after several drinks. I feel like I am regressing in my alcoholism, I feel like I am drinking like I did 10 years ago. Does that make sense to anyone? I am drunk but not passed out and thinking it is time to switch to water or "you will be hurting bad tomorrow". I haven't experienced this step for years, seriously I think it has been a decade. I have that " overheated I have had too much to drink feeling". I havent experienced this feeling for very long time, I usually just skip right thru it to black out. I don't like how I feel. Heart racing, flushed and out of sorts. I want to record this while I am feeling and experiencing it so I can review it sober in the morning. I have had a few other break thru moments today but I will post those sober, as they are a bit deeper and need a more focused mind to put into words.

Hang in there. You are experiencing the initial "honeymoon" -- an immediate drop in drinking -- followed by the "extinction burst" -- a sharp increase in drinking after the honeymoon. This is classic progression under TSM. Bob3d, Q, myself and many, many others -- in fact, I think the majority -- have had the same thing happen to them before a reduction to safe levels. We have theorized that the extinction burst is your body's attempt to regain the old high that is being stifled by TSM. You can search the term "extinction burst" on the board as it has been discussed extensively. Hang in there -- TSM works, but it takes at least 6-12 months for almost all of us.

My best,

Nick

Hi Bluehen,

There have been many discussions here on whether or not we should drink as much as we like and let nal do the work or whether it would be benificial to use a bit of willpower. There is a case in my opinion to be made for both of them. Personally I went through a few nights early on when as I realized that my wine wasnt tasting as appealing as it used to do I changed to vodka and it went down like water. I made myself quit doing this as I knew all I was doing was overriding any benifits I was getting from nal. I figured that I was extremly lucky to have found something that allowed me to have alcohol at all and still have a decent productive life.

From reading your posts you seem to definatly be responding to nal, wine tasting different, knowing you are drunk but still having a presence of mind. Just a thought but would it be worth trying to drink wine only for the next few weeks. It will give you confidence that tsm is working and may get you over the spike hump.

Hugs

Thanks Nick and Mario, this is such a lonely journey and your words are comforting. I would love to share this with my husband but he doesn't understand, I don't know if a nonalcoholic can truly understand, so I just plow thru alone. He is not happy about me taking Nal, he watches me when I take it and has made a few negative comments. He does not ask me how I am doing or anything about this method and it feels so sad that I don't have his support. Today I am going to the Dr. to renew my scrip for Nal and he will be with me as we have to pick up his car afterwards. I am feeling anxious about what he will say to me about it. He has researched Nal and knows that you take it while drinking but he is very skeptical. We are having other issues in our marriage and I don't feel like I have any right to complain because I am the alcoholic. I keep telling myself just focus on getting better and than address the issues in your marriage, but anger and saddness take over and I feel like I am going to explode.
Just writing down my feelings helps, I am feeling calmer as I type this. Time, just give it time. This to will pass, right?

BlueHen - Look for your support here. I never talk with my husband about this process and he is supportive or at least he doesn't downgrade me for trying this. You have to be patient and know that this is a long process. We are here for you and focus your attention on you and us. Your husband and any marriage problems will have to wait for now unless it can't be ignored for other reasons such as you want out or he is abusive. You need to get well and don't need any distractions from that. I am truly sorry that you are having to deal with a difficult husband and this yucky addiction, but there is a reason and it will become clear to you when you begin to regain control of your addiction. Just take Nal+Al and trust that you are moving forward. Your post tells me that you are. I remember a few weeks ago the amazement of wine tasting different and then drinking my usual amount which would make me drunk and not feeling drunk. I knew things were changing. It is very subtle though and you have to watch for each change and take pride in those mini moments. It sounds like you are doing that as well.

Hi Bluehen, hang in there. I think you're right in assuming a non alcoholic won't understand, at least fully understand. They have always been able to chose whether they want to drink (and how much). IMO you just have to accept that and hang on. My behaviour in the past has embarassed and hurt my partner and destroyed trust in our relationship. It is going to take a lot of time for that to heal. Having said that I am now in week 16 and have not had any of those episodes since beggining TSM and the trust is slowly returning. My partner is also skeptical of TSM and I could see the dissapointment in her face when I told her its going to take 6-12 months in reality. not 3. But we are both hanging in there and things ARE getting better. I feel like intimacy in our relationship is returning somewhat as the other bed partner (and snorer) in our relationship, alcohol, is getting kicked out more and more often. Things will get better Bluehen, just give it time and hang in there. Remember to enjoy the many small victories along the way. Best of luck.

Hi Bluehen

I agree with WJ and the others above - give it time and know you are doing the right thing for you. It's a shame you are going thru marriage issues at the same time. Not sure if I mentioned to you before or not, but I was going to start TSM secretly because I thought there was no way my poor long suffering husband would put up with 6-9 months of me drinking before I got some control. Not after 17 years of me mostly not drinking then occasionally losing it and behaving like an idiot (vanishing for days and not answering my mobile.)
Fortunately Kiwichick who went before me doing TSM in NZ suggested she speak to hubby on the phone and that really helped. Hubby sees that I drink too much at times, but he can also see progress. He likes the fact that we can have a more normal social life after years of me not wanting alcohol in the house and often being uneasy in social situations.
Non-alcoholics don't really get it, as in what it's like for us and how we think. But my hubby understood it better after reading Dr Eskapa's book. He has struggled with cigarettes over the years and the book explained his addiction and mine in a way he had never understood before.
I wish you all the best for both your own progress and your marriage. Do you have kids? Will go back and read your posts again.
Take care.
You're not alone even if it feels like it at times. What a pity we can't all get together for a face to face meeting! But I guess some people would hate that. I've been around AA for too long!

Hugs
Sticky (Nicky from downunder)