Crown, good to hear from you. This post is incredibly helpful to the newly cured and almost cured. It will serve as a cautionary tale. There are a few others who have had off nal drinking experiences like Nick. What it seems to confirm in most cases (Bob3d did it on purpose as an experiment with no return to excess drinking) is that without the nal we can return to our old ways. Similar things happen with other diseases, people stop taking their meds for bipolar or diabetes even though they know its not good for them. The difference with TSM seems to be that if you hadn't gone through all that brain rewiring and were just a white knuckle AA'er you would have ended up on the binge of all binges and ended up in a hotel room in Vegas like Mr. Cage's character. Glad you didn't and things returned to normal quickly. It's a good lesson for all of us and thanks for sharing that story with the board. Your posts always have an absolute honesty to them, no BS which is greatly appreciated.

Hey Crown, good to hear from you my friend.

I could relate to almost all of what you experienced but my journey has been somewhat different. A few months ago I was convinced I was pretty much "cured." I was drinking regularly but within healthy levels. I went probably a year without a single hangover day whereas when I started TSM I typically had two days a week nullified, sick on the coach. My other problem -- blacking out conversations and parts of evenings -- was ancient history.

A few months ago, I found myself in a position of drinking wine socially a few times without the pill and seemingly without consequence. The only consequence appeared to be a return of the "warm glow" feeling that a couple of glasses of wine gives us and I liked it. I basically drank for several weeks like a "normal person" without consequence. Then after a month or so I noticed that I was drinking way over healthy levels as I continued to track my consumption daily. Rather than the bender you had, I was drinking wine and beer only, but was up to 7 or eight on each drinking occasion. No hangover days and no blackouts, but a dangerous path none-the-less. As of the holidays I was back up to about to about 30 units per week. Still a fraction from my drunk days but dangerous and getting worse...

I went to Seattle for Christmas to visit my family for five days and drank daily from cocktail hour to bedtime. Wine only. So for five days I was having a lot: about 6 or 7 a night, five straight nights. A mere pittance compared to pre-TSM but clearly unhealthy. (I should note that pre-TSM I would have had more like 10-15 units a night for several days during a typical holiday binge. And I would have been drinking liquor, not wine.) When I got back to Minneapolis and stopped drinking, I had a headache on day 2 that would not quit. I checked my blood pressure and it was 207/135. I called a doctor friend and she directed me to the ER where they immediately hooked me up to a morphine drip to drop my BP. They also gave me a cat scan which came back normal. But evidently, my withdrawal symptoms from stopping after the five-day binge pushed my BP up to lethal levels. (If you google 207/135 BP, you are in "hypertensive crisis" and are directed to call an ambulance to prevent stroke, heart attack, etc.) A follow-up with my doctor led to doubling my BP dosage and it has been fine ever since.

After the ER (and bill for $3,000, using up my entire deductible) I took a week off and didn't miss the drinking at all. In the past I would have gone one or two days and long to drink. So I was also convinced that "re-wiring" had occurred, even after several weeks of drinking without naltrexone. When I returned to drinking, I did so using TSM and am back to safe levels.

Moral of the story: Both of our experiences -- together with some other stories of "cured" members -- tell me that "cure" is not the correct word. Cured entails being a normal, non-addictive drinker. That may apply to Bob and maybe one or two others, but I do not believe it applies to many people. All of us, I believe, are still fully capable of drinking at pre-TSM levels in short order without naltrexone. I also believe that almost all of us, even once "cured", will miss the warm glow of drinking without naltrexone, some more than others. But when I say "miss", almost all of us, after being re-wired by TSM, will be able to do a simple cost-benefit analysis and rationally decide that returning to life as a drunk is insane, as you and I have done. We will then be able to dismiss the notion of non-TSM drinking fairly easily thanks to naltrexone. For these reasons, I do not like the term "cured". It is inaccurate and it sets people up for falsely high expectations, IMO. The vast majority of us -- dare I say 80%? -- can expect to regain control of our drinking and a life of sanity if we try TSM. But "cured"... I think not.

So glad you are doing so well! Like you, my life has been saved by TSM. It is SO much better living a daily life without the cloud of alcohol poisoning.

My best,

Nick

Hey Nick

Sounds like your doing well. I bet the BP scared the you know what out of you..man. I somewhat agree with you on the cured word...It's no where close to what I thought it would be. But, I will say this in the begining I definitly needed the hope and to beleive a cure or whatever you want to call it is possible. False hope? NO WAY..just not what I imagined it to be. I remember reading some other saying the "cure" will not be what you think it is. Like I said in the above..hell yeah I miss the "party" but it's not so bad that I am going throw my life away over it. The cure to me is having the control to , hate to sound like Barbara Bush, or was it Nancy Regan,..just say no and actually mean it AND it being not that big of a deal.

But a true cure...NO WAY. Maybe someday science will find it...who knows but in all seriouness I am very very pleased with Naltrexone and TSM...If I feel like one take a pill...how hard is that?..LOL well i forgot them on xmas..so..lol

Hey everyone,

I haven't posted in quite a while..lol been nothing really exciting going on. I haven't taken Nal since Decemberish because I haven't drank..DAMN..this is truly the longest I have gone without a cocktail in 43 years of Adult life. Can I honestly say it's awwsome? Nope..Can I say it sucks? Nope..Jut kinda status quo. It's just kinda life. Do I think I will remain abstinent the rest of my life?..Nope.

It's weird..alcoholism that is..somedays I don't think about booze at all..I mean zero..thats probably most days. Then every now and again I think man it would be nice to get wasted. Funny how it works, you put time away from it start feeling really good, all but forget about booze, and then miss it?..lol..it's insanity. I have to remind myself..damn do I have to ever remind myself when the weather gets warm. My twisted mind thinks sometimes.."well lets see, TSM brought you back to the begining of your drinking love affair so hell thats when it was fun..REMEMBER?" " Hell party it up you know how to fix yourself this time"..LOL gotta love th insanity of booze.

I am a very rational individual. The rational side says yeah "yeah that was fun, puking daily then continuing to drink, falling down in various places in my house and waking up on a floor an having no idea how I got there, Living like a hermit, exiling ALL family and friends away, destroying my love life, waking up with cuts bruises or pains here and there and having NO IDEA what happened, wondering why my dear old drinking friend I went out with last night won't answer my calls until 4 days later, having a friend recount the events when I was drunk and cringing at the things I said and did and wondering how the hell I didn't get locked up, drinking 24/7 two sessions a day 2 black-outs and not giving a F**K, and the absolute worst part - not caring if I lived or died..lol now that was fun.

LOL but goddamn I miss it at times..I guess because prior to going totally off the rails there were a HELL OF A LOT of good times..problem is though for me it got WAY past the good times drinking stage. Sometimes I think what the hell one time isn't going to hurt - no pill and live it up..we all no the answer to that one. I did that at xmas and it was same old same old. I have no guilt for it and it was fun..just not what I want out of life anymore.

It might sound like I am 'white knuckling it"..LOL but truly I am not. I know if I really want to drink I can and will - just pop my nal and have a few..When i want to drink Jesus himself can't stop me. Sometimes I think to myself ya know I would much rather have this problem now then where I was a year and a half ago...meaning I would rather play the very rare mind F**K game of why I miss booze than live in a literal hell on earth..plus it makes it SO MUCH EASIER to not drink knowing I can drink..My friends always ask me now did you quit? I respond "me? are you F**KING KIDDING ME? LOOK WHO YOUR TALKING TO..I just don't feel like it right now"...LOL In my mind I didn't quit just a break and slowed down.

The thing with TSM for me was I was on fast one way train train bound for the depths of hell. It was moving way too fast to jump off and and get my thoughts together. The conductor ( Crown Royal) strapped and locked me in my seat and there was no getting off once we started. TSM slammed the brakes on that damn train and slowed it down JUST enough for me to jump off.

My intial goal was to see if I can stay abstinent for a year..but like with TSM, I didn't count drinks very good and I am the same with counting days..at this point I am kinda like Whatever happens happens..If I want to drink I can and will..BUT I will take my nal.

Hope everyone is doing well

Nice update. Glad you are doing well.

Great to hear of your progress. You've come a long way! Thank you for your inspiring posts.

Crown, I always enjoy your updates. You pull no punches and you are brutally honest about the internal dialogue going on in your head about your feelings about drinking and the nostalgia of it. Thanks for coming back for an update. Yours remains one of the most impressive tales on the board. Great to hear life continues to be good for you.

crown,thank you for reminding me that nal is not a magic pill.We do have to put the work in at 3 or 4 months.

Been a while..nothing much has changed on this end still abstinent. LOL that in itself is a damn miracle. Every now and again I have to go back here and read how bad I was. I kinda made up my mind to not drink for a year and at the end of it if I miss drink again with the pill. Do I think I will stay sober the rest of my life..no way it's too boring at times to be honest and I do miss those fun booze fueled nights..just being realistic guys. I miss it to an extent, but I surely do not the hell it can lead to. I have way gotten my life back on track and things are relatively good. Nothing spectacular and awsome..just life. But it is nice not have to face it feeling sick all the time. LOL I remember hangovers when I was 20..then it got to be in my 30's and 40's..F it thats just the way you feel..the feeling of a hangover became of way of life...LOL I don't miss that at all...the extreme aniexty after a binge shaking like a dog shitting bones...no thanks.

I have never been a big weed smoker but I tried some a few months ago..lol doesn't cut it like booze...smoked twice and got bored with it. Just plain old reality these days..like I said for me it's not great it's not terrible..just is like a glass of water or something.

this DEFINITLY worked for me and saved my life...I love it no aa ( which would NEVER happen with me - to me it's cult), no rehab..just some pills for 300 bucks online and good to go..amazing.

For all you just getting started and still suffering the wrath of thee bottle..hang in..it's gets better..the stuff worked for me

Hey Crown. It worked for me too. No therapy required either.