BlueHen--I am glad you are doing so well. Please make sure you post the name of the Dr that prescribed you the NAL (If you feel comfortable doing so) on the site as many here are really trying to find a Physician to work with them.

Hi Bluehen.

You are well on your way to more control with your drinking. If you can stick with wine over vodka, your body and health will be grateful for it. As a binger, I could drink vodka like Kool Aid. I still could if I drank it but I don't -- beer and wine almost exclusively for me these days. Also, you are right to keep TSM from people because they won't understand it and will be skeptical. I encourage you to read my journey as well as Firebird and others in the "cured" section. While I reject that word "cured" and prefer "regaining control", TSM has worked miracles for me and most others here.

Regarding your husband, you might want to read him Going4More's "letter to a concerned spouse/family." It is excellent.

My best to you,

Nick

Today is the start of week 4. My numbers were higher for week 3 but I did finish with a AF day, which was easy. I will not be able to do a lot of drinking this weekend as my husband is out of town and I will be responsible for getting my son to all his activites and he is hosting a small party at our home Saturday night so I will have to stay sober to monitor 15 boys! In the past I would of been concerned about this; and would look for ways to manipulate the nights so I could drink; making arrangements to be the drop off parent and not the pick up parent and otherwise organizing my nights to insure I could drink and not drive. But I am not feeling that way right now. I am not worried and that is a new feeling for me. I have made arrangements to meet a friends for drinks and dinner for the next two nights and am comfortable with either drinking something non alcoholic or only having one glass of wine. I feel such a great sense of freedom.
Nick-thanks for the suggestions and support, I will definately check out cthe ured stories, it is great inspiration. I look forward to the day when I can offer posts for others starting out and share my sucessful journey with them.

Hi BlueHen

Keep up the good work and don't get too disheartened by the spike. It is common. I had long periods of sobriety in AA prior to TSM and am now drinking every second day again, but i still feel mostly optimistic that this is going to work for me better than AA ever has. Having said that i am still going to AA b/c they understand me and face to face contact is better than online.
I can sympathize with u feeling bad about hubby texting people about your drinking. For years my hubby covered up my drinking around his family and friends, but it became so obvious to everyone that it was a huge problem that he became much more open with people. I guess he needed support too. I used to cringe about what he might have said to his family and friends and then try and avoid them for as long as possible. My sister-in-law got so fed up with me and had no understanding of this disease that she basically ignored me for 18 months, which was really awkward. Even hubby realised she was doing it and it wasn't all in my mind! Finally i arranged to have lunch with her and talk things thru. That was when i was abstinent again tho' and i haven't yet spoken to her about TSM. Am a bit scared to be honest!!

Anyway all the best
Sticky

Hi BlueHen - You numbers look great to me. Looks like the honeymoon period is over but that's good as now you will move closer to the cure. Our goal is to drink to extinction. Keep up the great work.

HG

Sticky and -thanks for sharing, it feels better knowing others have similar experiences. And HG thank you for your words of encouragement. This is a lonely process and I greatly appreciate the support.
Alcoholics aren't bad people we just do bad things when drinking- I came to this epithany when I was down on my knees crying in my closet a few weeks ago. My husband had confronted me about my drinking, the problems it was causing in our marriage and his complete loss at how to fix it. I went to my bedroom, walked into the closet, locked the door and fell to my knees, sobbing. I begged the Universe to free me from this horrible addiciton. And the words "You are not evil, the alcohol is evil" came into my head and repeated over and over. A few days later I came across TSM while surfing the net.
I have decided to be very honest about my behavior as an alcoholic on this board. I want to share with others that I have the same dirty secrets and shame that so many of us share. And I hope that as others start their journey on TSM these words will be a comfort to know we are not alone. I also want a very accurate record of my progress, all the joys and low points.
Last night was a great night-a joy moment. I went to my Mom's for dinner and a movie. We sat by the fire and had a glass of wine. I snuck off a few times to privately fill my glass, but I left the house 3.5 hours later sober and having had only 3 glasses of wine. It was still early in the evening and I normally would return home to drink more. I grabbed a bottle of red wine from my Mom's wine rack on the way out of the house intending to drink it when I got home. When I arrived home my son went off to bed and I opened the bottle ready to knock back a few. But I didn't. I surfed my iPad with half an eye on the TV and found finishing that one glass was a chore, but I did finish it. I contemplated another glass, but I didn't want it. I haven't had that feeling in years. So I got a bowl of ice cream instead, which was very satisfying. And than I went to bed, sober and elated. If a non alcoholic reads this I am sure they can't comprehend what a wonderful moment this was, but for those of us chained to the bottle it is big.
I had to go to the liquer store today to replace, for the second time, the bottle of vodka my husband keeps in his study. I had drank two bottles over the past two weeks. He is headed home from a trip and I don't want him to open the cabinet and find the bottle gone. So I am not being completely honest about my drinking with him, or with anyone except this board. When I went to the liquer store I decided to buy two bottles and if I want to drink I will. I normally do not keep alcohol in the house to help curb the amount I drink, and would only buy what I wanted to consume that night. Currently I have several bottles of wine plus the vodka and if I chose to drink I will take my Nal and do so. I don't want to sneak bottles back into my husbands study, or take a bottle from my Moms house. I am still hiding TSM from my family but I will not hide on this board.

Hi BlueHen, you are doing great. Like everyone else has said this is a slow process so you do need to be patient. It's a very good sign that you are responding to NAL. I had my biggest spike in drinking at week 4, but week 5 is another big spike week for a lot of people. At the time of my spike I worried that the NAL wasn't working as well after the honeymoon. Then I had a very gradual decline. The most important thing is just not to worry too much about your progress for the first few months and just to realize you are going through the extinction process. Once you have several weeks under your belt and feel more control I think you will find it easier to plan how much you want to drink. It can take up to 9 months to a year to see the full benefits so just be patient. If this works for you as well as I think and hope it will, your husband will notice a gradual change in you in the next several months. Over time trust will be restored. Best wishes.

Drank too much last night. Half a bottle of vodka. I would usually feel horrible about this, but I didn't awake with the self hatred and guilt this morning. I am mostly upset with the calories I consumed between the alcohol and the late night snack attact that happens when I drink. I just started drinking and didn't stop. Well, I guess I did stop but was drunk by the time I did. Today will be an AF day. But there was something different about this drinking episode; normally I would have a terrible hangover today and remarkably I do not. I attribute this to drinking half a gallon of water prior to going to bed. And I didn't passout on the couch as usual. I stopped drinking, drank water and went to bed. And I remember the evening, there was no blackout. Again these may seem like such small things but it is definately different for me. So I will attribute it to the subtle changes taking place due to the Nal.
I have read that many people spike in week 4 or 5. I feel like I am giving myself permission to drink and that is why I am experiencing an increase in my units. I am motivated to have several AF days this week, if for no other reason than I don't need the extra calories. I have lost close to 40 lbs over the past year(hard to do when you are drinking 1000 calories a day) and want to get this last 10lbs off. Drinking excessively is certainly not going to get me to my weight goal. I am sure that my true motivation should be to not be a drunk, but I will take whatever motivation I can get.
Another thing I am noticing is a definate lack of endorphins when I excercsie. I work out daily and have begun to find it less pleasant to do so, I need to have some "washout" days so when I exercise I get the wonderful "runners high" that keeps me coming back for more.

Bluehen, the spike you're seeing is common in the first 3 months on TSM. You've recognized it for what it is and you're not beating yourself up about which is good. Now that I'm not drinking so much I've really been able to clean up my eating and that has helped me lean out more. You may find the same thing happen over time. As for the exercising are you a morning exerciser after a night of drinking on nal? I tend to exercise at night during the work week and if I'm going to have a drink the same night I'm exercising I take the nal during the workout so the peak level of nal doesn't happen until I'm closer to drinking. If you're a morning exerciser you could be getting the double whammy of too much AL from the night before with still high levels of nal in your system. That would make anyone lose interest in a workout. You're doing great. It's early in the game and you can get there.

Hey BlueHen - Thanks for your honesty. It helps all of us. I sure relate to the dropping to my knees and sobbing in the closet. I've done that a time or two praying to God to relieve me of this ugly disease/addiction! I'm a bit ahead of you and everything you say is now happening to you happened to me. I remember in the first few weeks the drinking didn't change much but my reactions to it changed a lot. Sometimes I would drink too much and have no hangover, sometimes I would drink too much and still feel sober and then other times it would be the opposite. I too had the change in cravings with less desire one night and leaving wine in the glass that I thought I wanted or drinking less in situations that used to be strong triggers for me. My favorite...ever go out to dinner and drink more before you go so that you can make it to the restaurant and then slam two glasses during dinner so that you can make it back home! I remember in the first few weeks of TSM I went to a couple of restaurants and only had one glass of wine or even a half glass of wine. That was an awesome feeling.

I think Merlot hit the nail on the head, at least what she said has been my experience. I had a spike of units and now they are gradually declining. I may report just 35 units this week when week 10 ends for me tonight. Thank goodness!

Keep posting.

HG