Hi All - Week 9 down. I am happy to report that my units have dropped again. I had planned on posting tonight before I even started drinking because I knew I planned on limiting my units to 5 which is one bottle of wine, but I got busy and now I am at the end of my night. I am on my way to bed and instead of 5 units I only had 4.5 units tonight. I am really feeling different this week. I had some ups and downs (that roller coaster ride we all take on this) but in the end I feel really good. I drank less this week and got drunker but the difference was that I noticed for the first time that I can stop drinking and don't have to go on until I'm ready to pass out. Wow, that is huge for me.

Thanks everyone. Hope you are having a great week. Thanks MA for your post. I really appreciate you thinking about me. I am so very proud of your AF day. I know that you are a bit behind me but your attitude is just great. I can tell that you are really committed to this and can't wait until both you and I can say CURED!

Hi Cindy & others

It is so good to have your positive feedback. Was cringing after the other night and too scared to see what i posted when drunk -perhaps it is just the truth. Also cringe because my husband asked me an hour or so ago if I was going to a meeting (AA) tomorrow. Probably after i have drunk a bottle of wine and he is therefore worried about me. My AA sponsor is saying that i shouldn't give up AA because it has taught me some valuable life skills and it is face to face unlike this forum. Also it has been a big part of my life for the last 17 years. But when i go there now i have to be dishonest in that i can't really talk about TSM b/c it is not abstinence based. When i think about my alcoholism now, my first thought is TSM - the miracle!! This is all rather tricky (difficult) but I do feel like i have been given a second chance at life. All rather scary since i am planning a joint 50th birthday with a friend who is not an alcoholic but very supportive. In some ways i am trying to make up for lost time. Some of my female friends are now trying to cut down on their drinking while I am cranking up!! Also i had my kids late (at 37 & 40) and don't want them to go thru the s*** i have gone thru. (Or my husband for that matter. I would have run a mile from someone like me, but i do think certain people are attracted to people like us. We are not all bad.)

Anyway all the best and sorry to post when drunk again, but i guess i am more honest!

Hugs
Nicky (Sticky)

P.S Hi again Cindy

I have a very good friend called Cindy who used to live up the road from me, whose kids are a similar age (& 2 boys) and who now lives in Queensland, Australia. We used to both work in Air New Zealand Sales & Marketing and swap pregnancy stories in the ladies' toilets! Prior to that i was a flight attendant (despite doing a degree at university!) and loved it. Used to love going to LA.
Anyway, I did really want to have a girl and tried some hair-brained scheme to have a girl second time around. Of course that didn't work and now have 2 gorgeous boys aged 9 & 12. In some ways it is good for them to be the same sex - they both like soccer, computer games etc. Anyway, try not to feel too bad about the driving drunk. I had my first DIC (Drunk in charge - Kiwi for DUI, when in my 30's. Then have had 2 in my 40's. After the second i was threatened by the lawyer with going to prison, but hey, i still went out and did it again. There is not a lot of rational thought when we are pissed (Kiwi for drunk, not annoyed!) I am not the type who would cope well with prison/jail - still shyish even at 49, slim and far from tough!, very conservative upbringing....
What do they say in AA - "we are not saints". Growing up i was Little Miss Perfect and never said boo to anyone. A's and B's all the way thru school and university but timid as hell and no social skills to speak of. Have had to learn some of those in AA in my 30's & 40's. Very scary to be almost 50 and still trying to get my head around what some other people have figured out in their 20's.

All the best to you

Nicky

Hi Sticky - Thanks for the post. Yeah, we are not saints. For me that was part of the problem. I didn't start drinking until I was 50!!! Yep, I thought I was so damn perfect and judged everyone who did drink because I was an Al-Anon who had her "sh...t" together. Well, I guess the old saying is true, pride goeth before a fall. Now, after 30 plus years in Al-Anon I am a drunk. Anyway, the point of all of that is that I learned so much from the program. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have a wonderful relationship with my higher power and know that my path is guided. Hope that doesn't offend anyone but the program isn't all that bad. Like they say, take what you like and leave the rest. Question is, why didn't I go to AA? I didn't want to sit in smoky rooms with a bunch of drunks! So, here I am, but I tell you one thing if TSM doesn't work then I will go to AA. I just want to quit drinking and I don't really care what it takes. I am not an AA basher. I think AA works for many folks and so it has its place. But, if it doesn't work for you Sticky that doesn't mean you can't go to meetings. I don't remember anyone saying you can't come to meetings if you are still drinking. Gosh darn, we are powerless over alcohol or we wouldn't be on this site and doing TSM. Sometimes I think those in the program don't understand the 1st step. Afterall, it does say, "We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. The past tense implies that you can get power over alcohol if you can be returned to sanity, and TSM is the way to sanity. Geez....long winded, but I think live and let live and if AA is the way for some then let it be the way. For us, it is TSM.

Keep posting Sticky. It is too bad about the time difference, but you know we are here for you.

HG

Hi HG.

I'm just reading your posts for the first time. You are doing great! TSM requires patience but what you are describing -- a reduced obsession with alcohol -- is what I once compared to gradually falling out of love with someone. It doesn't happen all it once; it's gradual. As time goes by, you gradually realize that your relationship with booze has more warts than you recognized previously. You begin to focus on other things. And after a while, you WILL fall out of love with alcohol, I'm confident of it.

TSM does work, but think months and months -- years sometimes. Hence the need for patience. But it does work, especially for those who have the honeymoon. The increased drinking -- or "extinction burst" discussed repeatedly on this board -- is a typical part of the TSM progress. It's your body chasing the old euphoria that Naltrexone suppresses. It won't last.

Patience, it's working!

My best to you.

Nick

Hi Nick - Thanks for your post. I agree with you completely. I don't usually post at night which is my drinking time. I just got a great lesson in patience. I have only had 3 glasses of wine and I have drafted about 2 posts on others threads which I have lost by hitting the wrong key. Guess I have a ways to go yet in TSM. Too funny though. Now I get drunk on 3 glasses of wine over four hours. How weird is that, but good as my body isn't taking in the usual six glasses of wine in four hours.

HG

A lower tolerance is a path to healthy drinking and a clear indicator TSM is working for you! You are on your way!

YEAH!

Nick, thanks for sticking around to coach those of us who are new to this. I sure appreciate it.

HG

Hi HG

Well done on your progress this week. Sorry about my prattling on the other night. I cringed before i went back and read what i had written above in case i'd said something really awful!
Hate to say that i am posting again when drinking (evening, but have not had a whole glass yet and am pacing myself quite well so far.)
It's interesting that you have been in Al-Anon. My sponsor is very much into Al-Anon as well as AA. She has been keen for me to go too. I went once and told the people i spoke to that i was in AA & my sponsor thought that i would benefit from Al-Anon too. Afterwards my sponsor told me that it was best not to mention i was in AA. But the truth is i didn't really think it was me. Yes my brother is an alcoholic and my father, who suffers from depression, would probably have become an alcoholic if he had ever drunk very much. But i didn't grow up in an alcoholic family. Some of the behaviours are definitely the same, but i belong in AA. Don't get me wrong - AA has helped me tremendously over the years. If it wasn't for AA i would probably be dead or locked up. Even tho' i have relapsed lots of times I have had lots of periods of sobriety too and i am always welcomed back. In the past 12 years or so since i've been a mum i have never really stopped going to AA, just relapsed quite a few times. Only 5% of people who make it to AA ever stay sober for long periods, so i'm in the majority. I have met some great people in AA who understand my twisted thinking and i don't want to lose their support. It is just hard that i can't shout about TSM from the rooftops and will have to bend the truth about my length of sobriety if people ask. I will say a few months to people i am not close to. I still intend to talk to a few friends outside of meetings about what i am doing. Will see how it goes and how people react....

Must go and post my weekly progress - it is a couple of days overdue.
Take care

Sticky

Hi Nicky - Yeah, I'm with you. Al-Anon saved my life. That sounds funny because Al-Anon is for the family of alcoholics, but I was pretty crazy after growing up in an alcoholic home so Al-Anon helped me get uncrazy! It sure didn't stop me from picking up the drink though which tells me that we can all get addicted even with the program.

Glad you are having a good week. I posted the other night for the first time while drinking even though my posts were only after about 3 glasses of wine. I too was a little worried about checking my posts the next day for fear I had said something "inappropriate." That was a great lesson as I realized that even 3 glasses of wine can make me not quite myself.

I have never found your posts to be anything but real and honest. Thanks for being here.

Cindy.