You guys make sense. I probably should make more of an effort to obtain real pills. 18aday, you make a good point that I don't work for the government, so why should I care if anyone ever finds out I took Naltrexone.

On one positive note, my husband and I had dinner with a couple of friends this evening. They offered me wine and I declined. I didn't feel all that deprived. I'll give abstinence a go. I will also call some pharmacies in the mean time to see if I can get some real Nal in the event I give TSM another go.

dmagnum, good luck with whatever you choose going forward.

Just for your information, I have used the Revia brand Nal from Dupont, which is the non-generic 'official' brand and have also ordered the generic NAL from Alldaychemist. The ADC brand works the same as the Dupont brand as far as I can tell. Then again others have said the NAL from River is fine also, but I haven't tried it.

Thanks for the tip, Merlot.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you seek.

Sorry I was a bit over the top while writing my last response to your statement. I was on my weekend bender.

I do feel that we should not be afraid to seek medical help. I used to be terrified to have anything related to any type of substance abuse on my medical record. It was only recently, as the reality of my life started becoming clear to me, that I realized it doesn't matter if it's on my record. I had to make a choice if I wanted to admit it to my doctor now, or on my death bed. I finally had a clear enough picture of what I've become to realize that I would rather ask for it now.

No worries, 18aday! I thought your post was funny, and I appreciate hearing from anyone on this board (when I actually check in). I wish you all the best. I think you are right to tackle your drinking problem in the manner that you are. It's great that you have a doctor that you can confide in, too. Getting help in any form is courageous to me. I admire everyone on this board because you're all very proactive in trying to cut down.

It has been three weeks since I've had a drink or took any Nal. I went to my first AA meeting on Saturday, Jan. 29th. I have attended several meetings at the same church since. At first, I liked the meetings and most of the people seem cool. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me after getting many days of sobriety under my belt. A kind, older woman from the meetings took an interest in me and seems to want to turn me into her "pet project". She was picking me up and bringing me to meetings. At first, I appreciated it, but lately, she has become very patronizing. I called her tonight to tell her that I couldn't make the meeting because I was babysitting my sister's kids. She took on this sing-songy, lecturing tone (it was like something out of a movie or coming from a kindergarten teacher, I swear). She said, "You missed last night's meeting and now you're missing tonight's meeting! You're not taking alcoholism seriously." I gritted my teeth on the other end of the phone and said, "Yeah, well, my sister doesn't have anyone else to watch them right now, so what are you going to do?" She then asked me to call her whenever I want to meet up with her or go to another meeting. I said I would, but I'm not so sure.

I am not trying to be down on AA. If anything, I'm glad I went to those meetings because some really cool women who are closer to my age gave me their phone numbers. I may be able to call one of them and vent some time or even strike up a friendship. The older woman who patronizes me is the huge turn-off. I have avoided AA during all my years of alcohol abuse for the very reason that I feared that I'd meet people like her there. Also, I was reading some AA literature and it said that I don't have to talk in the meetings if I don't want to. The old lady forced me to talk at the last meeting. I don't have much to say at this point. I only have three weeks of sobriety under my belt, so it's not like I have tons of advice to dole out to people there who have been sober for five, twenty, or thirty-five years. I babbled for a couple of minutes about that, or something to that effect. I have heard others in the meetings relate interesting stories and give valuable advice, but I can't help but think that these people have gone from being addicted to alcohol to being addicted to meetings and twelve steps. Most of them seem cool and normal, though. If only I didn't get saddled with this old lady. She's retired and bored and goes to meetings every night, even though she hasn't had a drink in thirty five years. I haven't had a drink in three weeks and I wasn't too bothered by the fact until she got all condescending towards me tonight on the phone.

Suffice it to say, I am going to do something that AA preaches against mightily, and that is I am going to try to "go it alone". I don't want to drink, but I don't want to attend meetings and be told that I need to attend more meetings when I am already present at a meeting.

Sorry to vent, guys! I don't even expect anyone to reply. I just feel better typing this.

Hi dmagnum

Sorry to hear you don't think TSM is working for you. Hopefully by now you have realised AA is not some cult but just a bunch of other people who can't control their drinking and are actually very nice people. If you look at my weekly posts I am coming from the opposite direction from you - 17 years in AA with some success and lots of failures. In my favour i have kept going back to AA because it has been the only thing i have known about until recently that helps people like us. Now i am very optimistic that TSM is going to work for me. But on the downside it is almost unheard of in New Zealand. Kiwichick who went before me does not want to meet up with me because she is a high profile business woman and doesn't want her "little secret" to get out. If she understood about the anonymity of AA she would know that I would not blow her anonymity. This website is great though!!
Having said that, to me this TSM is a miracle. But it doesn't work for everyone. Maybe it won't work long term for me. Until recently I did not believe that there would be anything other than AA for this horrible disease in my lifetime. I am almost 50 and am lucky i am still alive, still with my long suffering hubby, and have the respect of my 12 & 9 year old boys with all the s=== they have had to put up with.

All the best to you.
Being an alcoholic doesn't have to be the end of the world (I used to think it was)
You will learn some valuable life skills in AA that you missed out on growing up if you stay around long enuf

Take care
Sticky

Hi Sticky,

I am glad that you have found a good support network within your AA group. I can understand Kiwi's ambivalence to going since she doesn't want her secret to get out. However, from my brief experience there, I believe that people truly respect the aspect of anonymity, so she'd probably be safe there.

The elder woman in AA who has been lecturing me is just getting on my nerves. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I am confident that I can quit drinking on my own this time. Most people who have quit drinking have done it on their own. I'm not buying into the "dry drunk" thing, where certain AA members derisively think that former alcoholics who are not in AA haven't truly recovered, and that we're just lowly "abstainers". I have felt great and been in good spirits for most of the days since I've quit drinking this time around. I don't feel like listening to the negative Nellie telling me that I'm going to relapse and fall back into binge drinking just because I don't attend as many meetings as she thinks I should. I know myself better than she does. I am well aware that I will face challenges and problems in my future that will tempt me to drink. However, I am more confident and secure as I grow older, and I think I can beat this thing. I quit smoking cold turkey more than four years ago with no help. I know drinking is more serious, but I just have a more positive view of quitting drinking than many of the AAers I encountered. I didn't appreciate the woman's scare tactics. I told her that I attended a SuperBowl party and abstained from drinking. Instead of congratulating me, she grimaced and said I have to go to more meetings and that I don't take alcoholism seriously. Please. I take alcoholism VERY seriously. I commiserate with anyone and can relate to anyone who is dealing with this life-threatening issue. I just don't think that sitting around in these rooms and dwelling on problems and sad stories is the way for me to go. Many others in the group seem like cool, nice people. It's just too bad that I got saddled with this woman from the get-go, day one of going to meetings. Her patronizing and negative attitude has turned me off from AA, I'll be honest.

I'm glad you think that TSM is a miracle. I am starting to think that my decision to quit drinking is due largely to spending about ten months trying TSM. I wish you all the best, Sticky! You sound like you're on your way.

Hi. I have previously stated that I spent 18 years sober in AA. I have a pretty good idea of how it works lol. Please tell this "Lady" that you no longer want her help. You might tell her you appreciate her trying to help you, but you need to find someone who you can relate to. She is only doing what she feels like she is supposed to do. You are correct, it should not be a negative relationship. If you can find some woman who you admire and want to talk to ask her to be your temporary sponser. Then you can cut your other "friend" loose! Life is too short to be miserable. Good luck.
Dave

Dmag, sounds like this lady is "taking your inventory" for you to use the AA jargon. Recovering from alcoholism is a lot easier without guilt. It's not helpful and it perpetuates the feelings of being worthless and powerless. It sounds like this lady "needs" you to go to more meetings not the the other way around. Best of luck in your abstinence and remember it's your recovery.

Thanks, Dave and St. Vincent. You are both correct. There are other people in the group who seem a lot more relatable to me. I think this woman is bored and retired and needs me to be her project. I really don't need her skepticism or negativity. I will call one of the other women some time.

I hope you both are doing well with TSM!