Thank you St. Vincent and Jane, I really needed your words this morning. Drank too much last night, and an really feeling it today, very spacey. My husband appears to be angry with me, very distant and quiet this morning. I remember he asked me if I hide alcohol in my office, which is in a separate building from our home. I don't and never have but he is curious why I go there all the time. The truth is I am visiting this site, and it is where I keep my diary. I find that writing really helps me and I spend a lot of time journaling. I took my diary to my office cuz I believe my husband might be reading it. I never thought he would do that but now I don't know. I have decided to ignore his mood today and stay focused on me. I will work out this morning, work on my business, run errands and make a nice dinner this evening. I am not going to get pulled into a negative place. I am working the TSM and while I am not pleased with last night, had 9 drinks, it is part of the process and I will stay on this path. Today will be a AF day, a healthy day.

Bluehen, you are down 59% from your pre-TSM levels and that is great. I know the 7.25 drinks/drinking session are hard on the body but it will get better. You seem to be responding to naltrexone. Don't be surprised if the units go back up in the future. This is part of the process to some degree for most that TSM has worked for. I also noticed that I would "make up" for missed drinks after AF days and I've seen this in other posts as well. In many ways you are doing better than I did to start because I could not have had 3 AF days in my first week on TSM. I was averaging close to 9 drinks a day every day for years pre-TSM and last week I had 9 drinks for the whole week so this can and does work.

I just love reading everyones first entry in the weekly progress topic and than going to their most recent entry and seeing their progress. It is so encouraging!
I am trying very hard not to think about my husband's private texting to mutual friends about my drinking problem, but it keeps popping into my head. Its just so hurtful and embarrassing. He rarley talks to me about my drinking. I did inform him about TSM but didn't go into any detail on how it works. He has not asked me anything, he just knows I am taking Naltrexone. A good friend of ours(his favorite to text) is a drug rep and I am concerned he is going to ask her about Naltrexone, as she is quite knowlegable about all kinds of prescription drugs. I have asked him not to tell anyone, but I don't trust that he won't. And whatever she tells him will be the gold standard, he believes she can do no wrong. I am not sure how I will react if he says something to her. He'll defend himself with "this effects all of us" and "it is not a secret that you have a drinking problem". She has been telling my husband that she and I need to get together and go do something fun. Right now I am pretty much avoiding her, but it can't last. I feel very alone in this process, and cannot describe to all of you how important this forum is; the personal stories and support is priceless. Thank you.

Wow St. V that is awesome.

Bluehen - You are doing just great. You will get all of the support you need right here. I've been in almost 8 weeks. For the first time on Saturday night I had less units than any since I started TSM. I thought I had a full bottle of wine in the house but it turned out I only had 3/4 of a bottle. I didn't want to get dressed and go out to get another bottle so I made do with the 3/4 of a bottle. YEAH!

We cross posted, so I will tell you again, we are so glad you are here. It works, keep coming back.

HG.

Yesterday was an AF day. After my bender on Sunday I was compelled to have a dry day. It wasn't hard, but I did find myself wishing for a glass of wine with my usual triggers; while preparing dinner and watching TV later in the evening. I have taken up online Scrabble which keeps my mind occupied and is not conducive to drinking while playing(i am poor enough while sober ) I thought of giving into my craving, which would of required a trip to the store but I just didn't want to have another hangover day.
My husband asked me last night how I felt about my drinking recently. I think he was asking because when he went to make himself a drink he probably noticed that the once unopened bottle was two thirds empty. I told him I feel good, but this a long journey and won't happen in weeks or even months, but I am very encouraged by the stories and progress of other people doing this program. He didn't seem impressed and just nodded. I reminded myself that I am not trying to convince anyone why TSM will work and to just keep working my program as action is louder than words. I would really love his support and the opportunity to talk openly about it but it will just take time.

I had a few really hard days on my second week;drank too much Sunday night and was just feeling vey sad on Tuesday and really wanted to drink so I did. I have a difficult time this time of year with the short days and and grey gloomy skies. I live in the Pacific Northwest and sunshine is lacking. I increased my vitamin D and hope that will help. I am visiting my daughter at college and am really glad to be here in a bit sunnier place and spending time with her. After driving 9 hours yesterday to get here I was itching for a drink. We finally got to the restaurant and I ordered my glass of wine. I felt all the road tension melt away as I drank that glass of wine. But I was comfortable to stop at that one. Later my daughter and I went go a bar to talk and I had 2 more, but I was not consumed with finishing one and getting another, I didn't feel tipsy and returned to my hotel room feeling sober and having drank 3 glasses in 3.5 hours very comfortably. When I got to my room I had two more drinks while watching TV and fell asleep. I wish I could say I didn't want those last 2 drinks but I did. But I am feeling a difference with the Nal. Subtle but it is there. And from reading others posts I am trusting that this is the normal path and to give myself and the Nal time.

Bluehen, you're doing great. I know you want big changes fast but for most it takes time. You are starting to think like a normal drinker and that's good. I'm at 7 months now and it's just the last 2 months that the extra drinks when I get home from being out have started to go away. Nal-on!

Hang in there BlueHen. This is a slow process as you know so just keep working it. Like St. V., I say Nal-On and don't over think it. Thanks for posting. I was a little blue the last couple of days too so I haven't been posting. As soon as I pop on the forum I get "unblue." Everyone's words are so inspirational.

Take care. HG

I have had a great visit with my daughter and an headed home today. I drank each night but never to the pass out point. I am feeling a difference in my approach to alcohol even though my old patterns exsist. I am less anxious about my first drink or making sure I have enough to drink. Once I start drinking I keep going which is definitely my pattern, but I never drink without taking my Nal so I will trust in the extinction process and not get stressed about that.
It is time to go home and get back into my regular eating and work out routine, and some AF days. I came down here feeling quite blue but am feeling refreashed and happy again.
Thank you so much for the words of support. They really help!

No AF days this week. I drank last night when I had planned not to. I felt fine but around 8PM the vodka was calling me. So I popped my Nal and waited for an hour before pouring my first drink. I finished what was in the bottle, about 7 shots and was done. I thought about opening a bottle of wine but than decided another drink is not going to make me feel any better. I have not had that thought in years. I hang onto to these small changes to stay committed to TSM. Another small step was not having my first drink until 9PM. Pounded them down once I started but I was not struggling to not drink earlier.
I need to be more diligent in recording my drinking so I can see the slow progress. I am not pleased that my units are up this week, but I am noticing a different approach to drinking.