A belated welcome Sticky (I've been on medical leave from the site for over a month). Fresh off a telly marathon of watching Whale Wars" on Animal planet with the whole Pete Bethune drama I can hear your voice loud and clear in your posts

It sounds like you have a good AA sponsor (in terms of not dismissing TSM outright). It'll be interesting to see what her research on TSM uncovers. I look forward to following your progress.
Happy New Year!

Hi everyone and Happy New Year!!

I had a great sailing trip mostly around Kawau Island north of Auckland. Our yacht is an old 8m (24') trailer sailer and far from luxurious, but we enjoy getting away from the city and our businesses. Our oldest son (12) misses his computer access tho'! We ate well, slept heaps, read heaps, walked and swam. Caught a few fish. I also drank more than I have on any summer boating trip for the last 17 years. It has been nice to be able to drink socially again and not have to hide it from my hubby. I'd like to be able to stop at half a bottle of wine but mostly seem to polish off a whole one. Not feeling so bad the next day which is good, but it is still too much. Alternate AF days are easy enough as i have had so many years trying to abstain altogether. I feel more comfortable with alcohol around the house too and people in our house drinking, even if i am not. This has been a big issue for me.
I am remaining very optimistic that i will be able in 6 months or so to drink within the healthy guidelines and not be obsessed about alcohol.

Montclair - Have you talked to your sponsor yet? I was going to not say anything for a while too, but am so over keeping secrets. I am fortunate in having a very good sponsor. I was going to say she's gentle, but it's more that the way she makes suggestions etc doesn't get my back up very often. Also her dad is a doctor and she has a few other health issues so she is keen on reading medical journal articles etc, so was happy to read the book. She said i had to give it a go, so i was very happy about that. Only a couple of weeks prior she said she wondered when they would invent a drug for alcoholism.
Having said that she does still think i'm into AA. haven't had a proper chat with her while i've been away but will say this week that i don't really feel i belong there at the moment, because i don't have a desire to stop drinking. I will probably keep going to my home group as only 3 of us including my sponsor run it and i organise the guest speakers, but if at the end of 4-6 months i want to keep drinking i'll stop going. I can't mention TSM of course in meetings b/c it goes against the AA message, so that is tricky.
Anyway as far as helpful suggestions go all i can suggest is being honest and giving your sponsor the book to read. Or you could give her the Wikipedia printout about TSM - it is a concise summary.
I think there is a lot of guilt in AA in NZ too, mostly in our own minds! I feel terribly guilty every time i relapse compared with those who stay sober for years on end. I'm sure a lot of women wouldn't react in the way my sponsor has to the idea of TSM. But like me you no doubt want TSM to work for you and have to give it a go even if it means not doing AA for a while.

My progress so far: (NZ units)
Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF
Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF
Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF

Not a good trend, but New Years & Xmas were cause to drink plenty!

Hugs to everyone and have a good weekend.

cheers
Sticky

Hi everyone

I hope the new year is going well for you all. I am back into work mode but still partly in holiday mode as the kids are off school for another 3 weeks (7 in total for their summer hols) so am juggling working and doing more fun things with them.

The past week saw my 2nd embarrassing experience on TSM - throwing up outside a friend's holiday house in the weekend. Mixed bubbles with white and red wine - not good! Had to apologise the next day and it took me back to similar episodes half my lifetime ago. Back then I wasn't even aware I was an alcoholic tho'. Now with my good friends I am being honest and telling them about TSM. (& i have their support, but they also worry because of my past behaviours.)

Happily I can say I haven't driven after drinking except on one occasion since starting TSM. I haven't finished a bottle of wine and had to drive to the wine shop or supermarket on the sly when my hubby is out and kids asleep in bed since starting TSM. Now I am "allowed" to drink. Having said that on a couple of occasions when I have already had plenty and need more I have had some of "his" drinks which i wouldn't normally choose and not told him because i feel bad and don't want to worry him more than necessary.

Also haven't gone off on one of my benders in the car since starting TSM thank God!! Once again i am allowed now, so don't need to run away to drink. Can go to bed like a more normal person & get up and be reliable the next day, hangover or not!

Wish me luck for this weekend - girls' night out tomorrow & dinner party/barbeque at home Sat night.
Will get a cab tomorrow and try and drink water between drinks. A friend is going to keep an eye on me! Sat night hubby will be keeping an eye on me. It won't necessarily slow me down, but at least I have their support.


My progress so far: (NZ units)
Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF
Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF
Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF
Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF

Cheers
Sticky

Hi Sticky - I just noticed that you and I are both starting week 7. No great progress for me yet in reduction of units and I haven't had any AF days, but things are changing. For example, last night I poured my usual last glass of wine and left it sitting on the table. I went to bed instead. Like many I notice a lot of vivid dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was at a bar drinking vodka martinis! Only the martinis were more like milk and vodka and I couldn't get the bartender to make the drink right! I don't drink hard liquor. I believe that dream was my brain craving the effects of alcohol, which I'm not getting on Nal. My usual favorite wine now tastes worse than yuck and so I've switched from red to white. Now the white is tasting pretty awful too.

Glad to see you are doing well with the AF days. I'll be happy when I have one of those and see a reduction in my units.

Hi half a glass

I noticed last night that chardonnay tasted yuck and it was a favourite a few years ago. I had conflicting thoughts going on - "I could easily stop now" then "I'll just have a bit more" over & over while i watched a movie and drank ONLY just over half a bottle of wine. This feels like some progress for me as usually I couldn't stop at half a bottle or less. Was really tired after 2 late nights so felt the effects of the alcohol quickly. Woke way too early this morning, probably because of the wine, so am pleased to be having another AF day and early night.

Good luck this week
Sticky

Hi Sticky - I went out to dinner on Saturday night and left a half a glass of wine on the table! No pun intended (half glass ).
Last night I left a quarter of a glass when I went to bed. No AF days yet but I have reduced consumption this week. My 7th week doesn't end until tomorrow night so I don't want to get too cocky, but I seem to be doing pretty well. Your progress is amazing to me. Only a half a bottle of wine. Wow, I don't remember doing that since about two years ago. My alcoholism only reared its head ten years ago so I've got it firmly in my mind how I've progressed. I remember when a half a bottle a couple of years ago would have me stumbling around or even worse, passed out. Now, after one bottle of wine I'm still sober, which is nothing to brag about.

Yep, the wine is still tasting yucky. I still pour that first glass, but many times I feel a little "gaggy" at the thought of drinking it. Of course, I push ahead.

Keep up the great work Sticky. I hope to join you on AF days soon. Just not quite ready for that yet.

HG

Hi Half glass

Well done on leaving half/quarter a glass - that must feel like progress. My progress might seem amazing but I have mostly not been drinking for the past 17 years, just relapsing over and over. Having AF days is relatively easy for me because of this. Also I usually feel tired after a night of drinking as my sleep is affected so need to have a decent sleep the next night. I know what you mean about building up a tolerance - I did that too.
Hope your week is going well.

Sticky

Hi all

Looking at my units i am really pleased with my progress and I feel that TSM is starting to work for me already. Having said that, I am having nights where I totally lose control of how much I drink. I lost count on Fri night when I went out on a girls' night. It was so much fun - Vietnamese restaurant, trendy new bar in town then dancing at an Irish pub. At the end I didn't want to leave when the other stayers went home. My good friend rang the next day to see if i got home OK. I felt guilty, but she said I had seemed OK. I wasn't really, but at least i got myself a cab and went straight home after 1 more song! Felt dreadful next morning as had to take my son to ice skating at 8am. Had to lie down on the couch in the cafe instead of watching him.
Apart from that i have had a pretty good week, feeling mostly happy & positive. The alcohol in the fridge doesn't talk to me in the same way it used to. I used to have to ask my hubby to hide it away. He is pleased with my progress too. Have had fun taking the kids swimming every morning then squeezing in some work.
Went to my first AA meeting in 2 weeks today. It was good, even though i cant share about TSM. I have told a couple of younger AA women about TSM outside of meetings as i would like to spread the TSM msg as well as the AA one! TSM is almost unheard of in NZ. At some stage i will talk to my GP about it.
My sponsor is as supportive as ever and suggested i keep a journal of feelings etc to discuss with her on a weekly basis face to face. I always ring her a couple of times during the week too.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Cheers
Sticky

My progress so far: (NZ units)
Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF
Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF
Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF
Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF

Excellent progress Sticky! You do a great job of focusing on the positive progress. I can't believe how little TSM is know here in the states. When I went in for my surgery in December the nurses & doctors crowded around my bed and quizzed me about TSM like excited little school children (they knew NAL, but not how it's used on TSM). I see us as little grass roots apostles spreading the word from person to person. It sounds like you have a great AA sponsor. I miss some of the people from my home group. I lost my schedule book that had all of my phone numbers, so short of going to a meeting again (and I'd have to tell them about TSM) I likely won't see them again. It makes me sad because the leader of my group had a relapse in the summer after almost a year of sobriety. I can recall him coming to our weekly meeting and completely breaking down in tears, he was in so much pain. This was before I knew about TSM and I wish I could reach out to him now. So grateful for this forum!

Hi Sticky - Wow, you are doing great. Your units are really coming down and the AF days are amazing. Thanks for your post today. It really helped me.

HG