Hello Everyone!
Sorry I have been silent for a few weeks. I got really busy, was drinking way too much around the Thanksgiving holiday and felt like I needed to take some time away. I feel like I am in a rut and just keep saying the same things over and over again. I think I wanted to stay away till I had some better news to report.
So here's what's been happening here. As expected, I drank quite a bit around Thanksgiving. I had a huge crowd for dinner at my house, and was not really happy about it. I get really stressed hosting that many people, especially when it is all in-laws (Cinderell-y, Cinderell-y!) Anyway, the way I get through it every year is by drinking a ton. So, my numbers were nearing pre-TSM levels for the week before and during the holiday.
I had some minor surgery last week to repair a torn earlobe, so I didn't drink or take Nal for a few days to make sure the painkillers would work. The good news is, it was easy. The bad news is, the evening immediately after surgery I got hammered. Almost as if that desire had been building up all week.
I feel like the only difference TSM has made for me is that when I decide to have an AF day, it is pretty easy. And I am not obsessing about alcohol all day long like I used to. But I still get that itch to drink, and when I do I seem to have no control at all.
I keep doing what I have always done: I measure out 3 drinks and promise myself that is all I will drink. Then I start having fun and want to drink more. I know I will pay for it the next day, but I do it anyway. There is no difference at all in this behavior from before I started TSM.
So, my numbers look good for last week, but that is because of the surgery and forced AF days. I am wondering if perhaps just taking the little magic pill is not enough for me. Maybe I need to do some Albert Ellis style REBT work, maybe I need to try harder to have more AF days. Maybe this is all habit now and I have to try harder to break the habit.
Regardless, I am still in this for a year before moving on. I just hit the 6 month point on December 1st, so I am halfway through that commitment. I'd love to hear some comments and/or ideas from those of you who are feeling closer to "cured" than I am!
