Well, here it is...the morning after. Our red wine guest invited himself over to watch football. We took him to Willy J's another local "dump". He loved it. So after my 2 rum & diets at another hang-out we came home. I had 3 more. Then probably about 4 at local dump. Putting me at around 9 drinks. They do serve good pub food there, so good think I ate. Guest has left, I now have the guilt trippings, & some self-dislike. God I hate that feeling!! I feel like such a failure!! It will be a good week now as I won't see Kenny til Fri.. I am very good about not touching AL that's in the house anymore. Just don't want it. Then Rick will be on his monthly 7 days off. The 12hr shift work allows them all a 7 day reprieve. BUT BIG trigger for me AGAIN! Guess I must deal with & stop obssessing about what hasn't even arrived yet.
Thanks ALL
ALWAYS JANE

Unfortunately Char isn't my real name. I don't now why I am being so paranoid. My husband doesn't even know I'm doing TSM so he's unlikely to find this board. And no one else knows I'm even taking Nal except my doctor. And about 4 pharmacists, since they had to order it in which seemed to take a lot of consultation. This is a very small town so I'm not too happy about that. Do pharmacists take an oath to not blab?

Hi Char, I've often wondered about the "BLAB" oath myself. I'm not to concerned with picking up my script as I've read it can also be used for other things. BUT, you can bet your sweet ass they talk amongst themselves. This I know for sure. A few yrs. ago a Dr. put me on ocycontin for some widespread pain they were testing me about. Several times I would walk into the pharmacy & I could here one say to another, "oh, here she comes again for her fix of oxy" Little comments like that were made & I heard them. One day my Husband got pissed off & blasted the whole lot of them. Anyway, I got better & no more oxy. Now I used CVS. 24hr. Pharmacy. They've been really good so far.
When my NAL gets low I get a curtesy call to remind me.
Rick is the only one who knows I take Nal & for why. We don't talk about it much. No one else knows. I mean no one. I have "trust issues" because even some of my "so-called" friends are VERY big mouth! So that's that.
I hope you had a milder week-end than I did. So hard for me to calculate progress, even writing it down which I try to do. I bindge now maybe once a week, sometimes not even that. For me, it's the it's those damn triggers. That tells me in my case anyway, most of my problems with AL are associations to things & surroundings.
Good luck to Ya
ALWAYS, JANE

I am having lots of trouble with guilt complexes & self-images following a bindge nite. Have been trying to quiet my "monkey mind". That is so very hard for me because I can never sit still long enough to invoke inner silence. I have most assuredly cut down on my drinks per session. There is marked improvement that is noticable to me. I do not bindge as often & have stopped drinking every other nite. On average, I will have about 5 sometimes 8 or if triggered more. These episodes are happening less & less. Just don't know what to do with those negative feelings. They don't feel good. They result in a MAJOR depression for at least a day or 2.

Still have Sunday nites massive headache. Drank quite a bit but nothing compared to before.
No AL today tomorrow or Thurday. Friday however. I MUST be strong!!

Jane,

I'm so sorry you are having such a terrible time. Remember, alcohol is a depressant and makes us feel worse about ourselves. We didn't ask to have this struggle. You aren't bingeing on purpose - you are using TSM to fix it!! I had a rough day too but I'm feeling better now. Here's hoping you have a great week and you make it to Friday AF!! HUGS, BTDT

Oh Jane! Please just hang on. Why are your beating yourself up for having this condition? If you had a broken leg would you be down on yourself? Would you say you were a bad person if you had an allergic rash?

Ok, let's let it all out: you drink. You sometimes drink way too much. You suffer when you drink too much. You feel guilty when you drink too much. You hide your condition from everyone because you are ashamed.

Ok, let's find out what you are doing about this: you are taking Naltrexone one hour before you drink!!!!!!

Hurray!!!!!! You are fixing this!!!!!!! Be patient. Some of us didn't have any progress for weeks and weeks, some not for months and months. But it is happening way in your brain. And you have said that you do notice progress, right?

My suggestion? Get a 3x5 card and write on it: I'm fixing this problem! And I will keep on fixing it until it's DONE. Paste that to your mirror in the bathroom.

And cheer up!!

Thanks BGH, you're a sweetheart. I needed that! Bet ya feel like kicking my ass!! I am improving. I somehow have trouble with fear factors. I think myself into a fright. Like I said before, I have NEVER missed a beat with NAL, & ALWAYS waited the hour. I did try chewing it once in the very begining, not tasty.
Say like Sunday nite right? I posted that I got up in a good mood put on make-up & a pretty dress thinking Rick & I could have 1 chill-out day til his brother invited himself over to drink & watch football. Not mad at Rick, only sees Brother 1ce a yr.. But you know how pissed off I was BGH??!! Naturally i overdid it. I must try to control my temper. One more excuse to grab the bottle.
THANKS & BLESS YOU, JANE

No booze today.

Can't say the same this evening. However, even being a binger, Rich & I met for dinner (trigger) at local when he got out of work at 6PM. Like I mentioned not big on much else but a Chard.. Tonight, ordered a vodka & soda. Guess what? Tasted like reguritated puke! Why do we torture ourselves so? Last week white wine (my favorite poison) didn't buzz me enough.. And tasted like puke.. Sometimes us drunks will do aNYTHING FOR THAT BUZZ! Sorry, caps were blocked. I really do wonder about addiction being solely caused by us. I know the parents whether one or both are involved that we ae pre genetically disposed. In my sit., as I look back at the looong line of alcoholics I wonder. My Portugese Grandpa (vavoo') fathers side) was a huge functioninal (barely english speaking) DRUNK. Mom on the other hand, was a "miss prissy). "Always be a lady" she told me. Among other stuff that makes a child feel inadequate. But later in my life I learned all was not so fair-tale as she would have me & Dave (brother) believe. Some of the skeletons were "let out of the closet). Oh Mommy Dearest, I see you have skeletons too! At 88yrs old, she would never admit to anything. I say "Mom, I used to hide in the closet when you got mad." She now says and I quote,("What are you talking about? I don't remember that. OKAY. Happened. I guess what I am really getting at is, now they are OLD. Dad 90 & Mom 88yrs.. How long am I going to blame them? Time to take responsibilty for myself. My Brother? Love him VERY much but, cannot talk to him. Great guy. Good looking but, I think he drinks a bit much too. Okay, I'm calling it a night. I am in computer room, it is8:30PM our time. I hear LOUD snoring, (not dogs).