Thanks all, I'm doing much better than I was and I know we all have to go through challenging life stressors (death, illness, divorce, etc.). I try not to think of being drunk at the hospital and pray I hid it from the doctors & nurses better than from my boyfriend, he can always tell instantly if I've had even a couple of sips. Yogagirl, you are right. I was already drinking way too much before she got sick but I certainly kicked it up a notch and felt justified doing so, which is ridiculous because it's the last thing she'd want me to do. I"ll say a prayer for your dad Inspired.

After a few good weeks, I had a pretty bad week. Not as bad as where I started, but my units were back up. I am really hoping this was some kind of extinction burst. It was as if I was unconsciously trying to override Nal, and drank a lot for no reason (no special occasions, no specific stresses, etc.) I felt like I was acting exactly like I did before TSM, and that I could have exercised some control, but for some reason chose not to. Ugh, I feel crummy today.

I am going to exercise control this week. My goal is to have AF days from today through Thursday. Then I want to have only 2-3 units on Friday and Saturday nights, then AF again on Sunday. I am putting this out here to hold myself accountable. If I can do it, this would be my lowest units/highest AF days ever. I do think that in my 21st week of TSM, this is very possible. And after a bad week, I really want to feel good again!

Here's the chart ...

I wouldnt worry about it, that is exactly how it felt when I had high units. It was like I was doing my best to override nal. That in my mind is the addiction fighting back. Things will settle down again. A week later I would get tired of trying to override nal and after a few occasions would just say Oh sod this I cant be bothered. So just keep taking that pill and let it do its work quietly in the background.

I think you can do it YogaGirl. Looking at your chart, the trend is definitely downwards. Good luck.

yoga,
this sure looks like a classic extinction burst to me. i'd say take it as a good sign. if nothing else, it seems to be giving you extra motivation to cut down this week, and that might result in a great outcome. hang in there and don't be hard on yourself. it's a bumpy road for most, and really you have been doing amazingly well... just keep it up. we're all rooting for you.
path

Extinction burst. You're doing fine YG. Don't worry if you fall short of your goal this week. It IS a pretty lofty goal after all, but it's good that you're setting goals. I think you're doing great and thanks for all the encouragement. you'll get there

Thanks all! Dad is comfortable and we await results. I was in the hospital with him all week, now he's at home, weaker than I've ever seen him, hard to watch.

Good week around drinking, Saturday eve I drank more than planned but totally in control. I took 2 nal - 100 mg - due to my emotions I didn't trust myself. I drank wine all night chased by lots and lots of water. I actually wanted to stop earlier but my sister-in-law asked me to wait up with her for my niece (I was staying with her as my dad lives out of town and I didn't want to be a burden to them) and she opened another bottle of wine.

I'm starting to believe this is working. My new concept of taking 100 mgs when I don't trust myself seems to be the answer.

St. Jude, Yoga girl, everyone, be kind to yourselves, ok!

XX

YG,

I'm sorry to hear you had a rough week. It sounds like it is a classic extinction burst. I feel crummy today too but I've decided to go for back-to-back AF days today and tomorrow. Wishing you luck on your highest number of AF days yet!! Feel better. HUGS. BTDT

Thanks for the kind words, and great thoughts everyone. It really does help, and stops me from spinning in my own thoughts.



Mario, this was particularly helpful to put last week in the long term perspective. Thanks for that!



And I agree with this too! A bad week adds motivation, and 21 weeks on TSM makes it possible to actually follow through.

I am feeling MUCH better today. Thanks again for all the kind comments everyone, I appreciate every single one of you!

So, another subject I will post about elsewhere - has anyone read Potatoes not Prozac by
Kathleen DesMaisons or looked at the related website called RadiantRecovery.com? It is a very interesting read about sugar sensitivity and neurotransmitters (sound familiar?), and states that people who are sugar sensitive are more prone to abusing alcohol because of the endorphin rush they get from the sugar (again, sound familiar?)

The book outlines a 7 step change in diet to regulate blood sugar and mood, and reduce cravings for sugar (alcohol is a simple sugar, the top of the list of the bad ones.) I have a family member who has been sober for 25 years though AA, but found herself still struggling with sugar, weight and mood after getting sober. This book made sense to her, and she said see feels so much better after implementing the program in this book.

Anyway, I may try the of the dietary changes (they are not hard, one is simply having a good breakfast with protein), because they certainly can't hurt and may help overall. Just wanted to pass it along.

Well, so much for lofty goals. I did not stay AF all week like I planned. I had a little craving on Wednesday, after 2 AF days, and decided that I should just go with it. Five units Wednesday night, then 2 units Thursday night.

Then last night, not good. I went to a birthday dinner and a party afterwards with free-flowing hard liquor and big partiers. I lost track (not measuring), so I am guessing it was around 10 drinks. I feel terrible today, these Nal hangovers are even worse than the pre-Nal hangovers. Ugh! Why do I do this to myself?!?

I have to look at the big picture and see that I am still way down from where I started. But my trend continues ... I have many effortless AF days, but when I DO drink, I seem to have no brakes at all. I drink roughly the same amount as I always did.

The magic, that super-euphoric buzzy feeling is definitely gone, so the drive to drink too much should be gone too. I wonder, is it just habit at this point? I really don't get much out of it. Last night, it was partly peer pressure, hanging out with really heavy drinkers who are constantly filling glasses. But why didn't I just stop? I am afraid I don't know how ... it is so natural for me to just keep drinking and drinking, I don't seem to have another choice (I just realized while typing, "Aha ... so I need to come up with an alternate plan!" )

I won't do a chart till my week ends on Monday morning, but if I don't drink tonight or tomorrow I will be at 17 units for the week. Not bad on the surface, until you see that the units are concentrated on two days. I think I need to really start applying effort to reduce the number of drinks in a session. If I remember a quote from the book correctly, for extinction it is good to drink often. But drinking a lot is NOT necessary, or advised.