Hey guys, thanks for all the responses and support. It's funny how close I feel to all you guys and I've never met any of you in person. It's so refreshing to find a place where people understand you.

As for the anxiety, I can't believe I forgot about that. Yes, I used to get so anxious after my bouts of binge drinking. Normal activities felt like they were insurmountable tasks. I remember I would get this weird knotty restless feeling in my chest and stomach and I would always be fidgeting. Now, that anxiety is totally gone. It's wonderful. How could I forget about that...

I take that back about no anxiety and depression the night after drinking. This morning I woke up with a lot of both anxiety and depression and I could tell it was alcohol induced. Both those feelings are fading away quickly now that I'm at work, but I seriously considered calling in sick this morning. I'm really glad I didn't though and that I pushed myself through those emotions. I'm going to force AF nights for the rest of the work week, because this is killing my productivity at work and I can't afford to lose my job.

Hi Tambo,

Hang in there! One thing I have noticed now that I have more AF days is that anxiety is slipping away. But only after AF days. When I drink, the next day my head is fuzzy, I can't make decisions, simple tasks seem hard, I don't even want to talk on the phone or see people so I get isolated.

The more AF days I have, the easier life seems. I realize that I have been complicating my life and wasting time with all those senseless hangovers!

Anyway, as you progress through TSM and (a few months from now) have many more effortless AF days, I'll bet anxiety and depression fade.

Have a great week! -YG

I'm at the beginning of my 3rd week and just wanted to check in. My second week ended again with more units consumed than normal, again because I'm giving myself permission to drink. Still no real decrease in cravings that I can tell. I have found that the super cheap whiskey I normally drink is starting to taste too disgusting to me so I'm spending a little more for better tasting whiskey. I never really cared about taste before because that was never the point, so this is a promising change.

Also, the nal side effect seem to be decreasing. I rarely get nausea now and the weird spaced out feeling is not as bad anymore. My first week, nal seemed to make me feel more drunk with less alcohol. This second week that reversed itself and I felt like I had to drink a lot more than normal to get any kind of buzz at all. This is so confusing. If it weren't for this forum, I probably would have thought it wasn't working and given up already.

This is the first time since starting TSM that I'm feeling out of control. I drank so much on Saturday. Now it's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I feel absolutely hopeless and worthless and heartbroken. I hate alcohol so much. I want it out of my life. I'm so scared that TSM will not work for me.

I know you guys say that this is a roller coaster. I just want off this ride.

I'm so sorry Tambo, I know that feeling all too well. Please don't give up hope, you are only a few weeks in. It is way too early too tell if this will work for you. It really is a rollercoaster, and it sucks. BUT, a few months from now when things start to change, how you feel now will be a distant memory.

Hang in there, and take good care of yourself!

YG

Tambo!! I just finished Week 2 and had a horrible weekend. I can totally identify with feeling out of control. I too will stay up til wee hours of morning drinking away and feeling like I'm an out-of-control-hopeless soul. I did the staying up late thing both Thursday and Friday night. Even though I'd "only" drank a little more than two bottles of wine Friday afternoon & night (pre-TSM it would have been 3 or 4 bottles). I was up late and felt like crap physically & mentally all day Saturday. I'm trying not to be let down, I fell now that TSM is my only hope--I've tried (and tried sincerely hard) every other option I know of, and this is the first glimmer of hope I've felt. I'm sitting in the roller coaster seat next to you!

Hey YogaGirl and StJude. Thanks for your encouragement. I'm actually feeling better now that I've had some time to sober up. Normally after a big binge like that and not having to work today I would have continued my drinking, but I didn't drink today and my cravings are still at low levels. I'm feeling hopeful again.

Still feeling heartbroken though, but I guess that just takes time to heal. I love my ex-girlfriend so much...

If she' still your ex it is HER loss. Love yourself first and acknowledge you are working hard to do yourself right, all goodness & happiness will follow these intentions and actions

Totally agree with SJ. I know in my heart that if we "get right" with ourselves everything else will fall into place as it should be & more opportunities will await us at the other side of this Hell.
Hang Tight Tambo (also in rollercoaster seat)