Hello,

I started TSM on Sept. 14th and have been only taking 25mg. I think I may up the dose. I'm going to be travelling with my husband who is looking forward to doing a lot of partying. My self-esteem has been pretty low and I've been recognizing that desire to drink to numb, hide and/or make myself feel more interesting (so silly). Last night I was disappointed we finished 2 bottles, so I don't know what possessed me but I took a hydrocodone. Obviously wanting to escape.

Anyway, I guess I'm just feeling apprehensive about this trip. I don't like being around my husband when he gets drunk as it reminds me of the times he would get volitile with me, but I also have some trust issues and don't want to leave him partying with women til' the wee hours. He is giving a speech at his old college, then we're off to a wedding.

I feel insecure about the whole thing . . . . any words of wisdom?

Thanks,
Patchouli

Welcome Patchouli! If I were you I'd definitely consider upping the dose to 50mg, which seems to be standard treatment protocol (of course get all of your bloodwork done to make sure liver enzymes, etc are OK) Are you working with a medical doctor for the NAL prescription? Reading the Eskapa book also really helped.
I totally understand the self esteem issues-I've gained over 100 lbs in the past 5 years directly attributable to my drinking which got out of control after my divorce. My ex has since remarried a beautiful slim young woman, and pre-TSM I felt daily like a fat drunk loser (which made me want to drink even more). Is there any way your husband would consider trying TSM with you? It can be relatively effortless for someone who doesn't think they have a problem (see madcityguy's thread). If not, remember you are the most important person in all of this, and TSM can give you the power to feel like you can control significant areas of your life, even if you can't influence your husband's partying. I'm only in my second week and already feel like a new person (even though there are many months ahead of me). This forum is a great source of support and information. Good luck and know we are all here for you!

Well I don't know Jack about marriage. Mine broke down after 9 months. But seems like if you can't trust him that's something to work on. I mean I don't know if he has a history of cheating or what so it's hard to say anything.

50mg is the recommended dose, I upped to 50 as soon as I could. Also, the Nal should completely block the effects of hydrocodone. I took 2 once, which would've normally sent me flying since I hadn't taken one in at least a year, and nothing happened. Then I remembered that Nal blocks them. For this reason I carry a card in my wallet that lets paramedics know I may be on NAl so they can adjust their pain management strategy. mine is actually a vivitrol card my shrink gave me, but I wrote that I may be on 100mg Nal on there. I don't know if they even look in a person's wallet if they are passed out or whatever, but it makes me feel better. It says for the medics to opt for local anesthesia or general anesthesia over pain killers

So that's why the Nal info. says to wear an i.d. bracelet that you're on the medication! And, that's why I felt zip from the hydrocodone - - forgot about that.

What a difference a day makes, too. I know my down mood the past 2 days had to do with my not writing (working on a book), which I've come to realize I almost need to do, like breathing or going to the bathroom - I feel bad when I don't do it. And, my husband and I actually had a nice night out last night with a friend. He told me that he doesn't want to drink to the point where it pushes me away - and that was nice to hear.

What a journey . . . this life.

Thanks for responding. And Joe - if you want to be married again, I'm sure you can bring it into your life. But be careful what you wish for