I didn't know when I started TSM how hard it would be.

I also gave up a predominant abstinent existence - which would've been great if I didn't have occasional scary and ugly "relapses". After the "relapses", I would climb back on the wagon and abstain until the next time. I was on the verge of my next "relapse" when I decided to give up the abstain and binge cycle and give TSM a try. If it works, I think it will help me break that ugly cycle and live life with so much more freedom. While I want the end result, I've been drinking so much more than I am used to.

I guess this is why it is NOT recommended to leave abstinence for TSM.

I am 6.5 weeks into TSM and while I think it is working, it is tough! Yesterday I finished another binge and feel terrible self loathing, depressed and sick. It seems like the binges are part of the process but they are really, really hard. What made it worse was I completely forgot to take a second dose of Nal after 8 hours and drank yesterday for 10. I ended up blacking out and from what I can tell drove to get more wine! This is the first time I haven't been completely protected by my Nal.

I want to stick with TSM but on the bad days - it is scary and demoralizing

Thanks for letting me share. Any support or ideas would be appreciated. Thanks, BTDT

Oh man, BTDT, glad you're okay and still here with us. I was never a binge drinker, so I don't have a lot of advice but I'm sure others here will definitely chime in. I think if you just stick with it things will get better. I had a really demoralizing drunk-fest in August and almost gave up hope. But so glad I posted here because I got some great support that led me to keep coming here even more often and renewing my efforts.

Illuminae

p.s. I finally got the courage to ask someone how bad I was during the blackout back in August and was relieved to hear it wasn't as bad as I'd feared.

I am so sorry BTDT, I know that feeling of sickness and self loathing, it sucks ... BAD. I can almost feel how you must feel right now, because I have been there so many times. I have never been a binge drinker, meaning over many hours at a time. For me it has always been a lot over a few hours then sleep (or more accurately, pass out.) So I don't know the feeling of that length of time, but I do know how the aftermath of a really bad night feels, not fun to say the least.

Anyway, I am a few weeks ahead of you and have had my share of extremely regrettable times along the way. I even drove 30 miles once (and I NEVER drink and drive) and was shaking for days afterwards with the images of what could have happened. I also had one day where I thought I was protected for 24 hours, and only after drinking all day (at a wedding) realized I was only good for 8 hours from the night before. Another time, I simply forgot to take Nal till an hour after I had a "hair of the dog" beer on a Sunday, after a bad Saturday night.

That said, now I am on my 19th week and those terrible experiences seem to be fading into the past. And it appears that being unprotected a few times did not completely derail my progess (although who knows if things would have changed more quickly had I not made those mistakes.)

Take good care of yourself today, keep taking your Nal and checking in, and most of all ... find a way to make sure that no matter what, you stay safe. Hide your keys from yourself or do something to make sure you absolutely can not drive when you binge. Over time, hopefully only a few more weeks or months at the most, all of this will be behind you. I am almost a believer (I need more weeks behind me to be sure) ... and I am looking forward to seeing everyone here cured.

Take good care of yourself, and try not to beat yourself up. And remember, unlike before, at least now you are doing something scientific that will most likely change things for you in the long run. Before all we had was the hangover and self loathing ... now we have hope!

Hugs, YG

Illuminae ... that was brave! I have done that before and I am always afraid of the answer. Glad to hear it was not as bad as you feared.

YG

I'm a binge drinker who has mostly been abstinent before TSM. I've only been doing this a week and sometimes I feel it's just an excuse to drink. I am drinking a lot more than I normally do, but at the same time I know that something is different.

Don't give up hope BTDT. I have never, ever been able to stop drinking once I started unless I passed out or ran out of alcohol. With nal I can stop. I also don't run amuck when I'm drunk. I just go to sleep instead. I think we'll both be fine and that we have to go through the ups and downs before we can kill our addictions for good.

I don't want to go back to a life of abstinence where I'm white knuckling and obsessing over alcohol even though I'm sober. If TSM does for me what it has done for so many others, than it will be well what we are going through right now.

I had lots of relapses when I first began the program back in June, but they happen only occasionally now. A couple of Sundays ago I bought a six-pack since I hadn't had much to drink recently and wanted to see how it would go. Well, it went. Or rather, I went through the six-pack and then a bottle of wine I found in the closet. Felt sick as a dog the next day, felt the usual regret, self-loathing, etc. and wondered why TSM wasn't working better.

This week I haven't had much at all - four beers Wednesday night (and then I actually quit with no problem!) and two last night. As so many have mentioned here, it really is a roller-coaster ride, but it seems as though the the downsides are getting less steep. You really have to look at it as a process and not think too much of the destination, because there will be setbacks. But as I see my units steadily decreasing - despite the odd bad day - my hope continues to rise. I think we'll all get there in time with perseverance, whether it's with naltrexone or something else. Hang in!

I'm really glad to find this thread because I'm feeling very discouraged, although I am not even done week 3 yet. Apart from sleeping a little better there are no changes in my life whatever. I am drinking 6 units pretty much every night. I have no aversion to wine, nor do I lose interest after 2 glasses, everything is the same. From my signature it looks like units are down but I think I just miscalculated my pre-TSM consumption. I do know it's too early, so somebody please just tell me I'm being stupid and I'll quit whining.

feeling very discouraged, although I am not even done week 3 yet ... Apart from sleeping a little better there are no changes in my life whatever. I am drinking 6 units pretty much every night.

Char, few things:

1. Few weeks is not enough to make any conclusions. No reason whatsoever to be discouraged.
2. Even if it does not work, why feel discouraged? You are on a path of finding the way to deal with the problem. it's a process. You'll never know if it works until you try. So you ARE trying now!
3. When I got my units down to 6 a day, I was almost ecstatic. It felt like a huge drop (more than twice) and I was suddenly able to do things at home. So it's not too bad. Take solace in a fact (well, hint) that TSM seems to work faster for relatively "light" drinkers. Patience. Getting badly addicted takes about a decade for most, so it's not necessarily surprising that getting out of the addiction takes some time.

Everyone,

Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences!! Your compassion and concern means the world to me. One thing I know for sure, I would not be able to do this without the folks here. When it gets tough, I'm so glad to have you guys to lean on.

I'm going to try for a couple of AF days and give myself time to feel better. I'm also going to figure out a safety plan. I think I'll stock up on wine so I don't go out for more once I start. I'm also going to try to figure out a way to hide the keys from myself. Hmmm.

One thing I did right was I told my babysitter yesterday about TSM and asked for her support with the kids, if I get in a pinch. She was so understanding and sweet and said she would help any time. This way I have no need to put the kids in a bad situation.

I really do think this will work for me. I just so appreciate your help riding out the rough bits. Knowing there are other folks on the roller coaster makes it easier to stay for the ride. So I'll tighten my seatbelt and keep my arms and legs inside the car

Hugs, BTDT

Hey everyone. I've been taking Nal since sept 10. I'm terrified it won't work. One big mistake I've make is not keeping up on this board. This is the first I've been on here for two or more weeks. Reading this thread has been a lifeline. It feels like I've been drinking more often since taking Nal and my husband confirms that. Although he says my behavior has been much improved. I have such high hopes for TSM and want a new life NOW. When you look at the number of entries on the site there are not a whole lot of us. It's an approach that is not well documented and used. Somehow, do ya think we can all hang in there and just keep it up? The other day started drinking at around 1PM. Continued on through the day and around 10PM went into a panic and took another 50mg. Don't you think that's great that I was aware enough to want to do that? I could care less about overdosing on Nal (ie. liver problems). I just want the benefits of extinction. As it happens, in another drinking session as I write. On my 6th Miller Lite.