I am getting closer and closer to saying that TSM worked for me. I need more time, many more months of feeling like I do now to be sure, but some incredible things are happening.
Here's the latest: I went out for sushi last night with my husband and kids. I got a glass of wine with dinner, as usual. Also as usual, I ordered a second glass before I was done with the first. In the past, I have always wanted to make sure I could get AT LEAST 2 glasses down before the end of dinner. This time, I could barely finish the second glass, I literally had to force myself to drink the second glass (out of guilt, I paid for it, after alll ... still conditioned to never leave a half full glass!)
The we went to Dairy Queen, as we always do after sushi (we did it once, now the kids expect it every time.

) This is when I would normally start scheming. I would be thinking "Now, what do I have at home? Is there any wine, if so is there enough? If not, how much vodka? Anything decent to mix with vodka? Hmmm, maybe while they get ice cream, I'll go over to the liquor store ...." This time, I had NO INTEREST WHATSOVER in more. None. We got home, put the kids to bed and fell asleep early.
I have been up every morning this week at 6am, which was unheard of before. I have been making good breakfasts and having nice, peaceful, unrushed mornings with my kids. I am finally getting control of the chaos of my life and getting things done. I have been exercising and going to yoga classes. I think the mental fog caused by alcohol is finally clearing, and life suddenly seems so much easier.
I'll say it again. This is truly, nothing short of a miracle. I hope this is a long term result ... now I just have to live life and wait and see.
