Hi everyone. I haven't posted since I started TSM in March, but have been lurking around the board daily. First off I'd like to give a big thank you to all the regular posters-the information and support just from reading has been invaluable, especially when any doubts about TSM working crept in.
The good news- I've recently had a big shift in my drinking and have now had 6 AF days in a row, and intend to make today number 7! A month ago I could not imagine getting one in. Up until this I've had one or maybe two AF days total on TSM, and these were more the result of being hungover than anything else. The past week has been a whole different story- I have to say it's been nearly effortless.
A recap of my story-I had my first drink when I was fifteen, drank whenever I could through high school (the usual stuff, weekend parties-much of the time scheming with my dear friend and our fellow TSMer Jim Clark to procure alcohol any way we could!). As soon as I moved out on my own daily drinking became the norm and continued until age 35 with few breaks. Over those years my consumption crept up in a typical way. Realising it had become a serious problem I stopped on my own in 2000 and stayed sober without much trouble at all for three years-there were a few one or two night relapses but I was able to nip them in the bud. In 2003 a hard drinking acquaintance was stuck with nowhere to live and I made the grave error of offering to let him stay at my house temporarily. Well I lasted about two weeks watching him drink all day and night before I dove right in with him. Not that I blame him or anyone else for my drinking but in retrospect I sure wish I had put my sobriety first. Thus began a roller coaster of relapses, detoxes (more than I can recall at home, and one in hospital-an absolutely hellish experience), sobering up for 3 or 4 or 6 months, relapsing again, round and round. Once I relapsed I'd quickly work my way up to 18-20 beers a day (or more) and my life, my house, everything would fall apart utterly.
After the hospital detox in the summer of 2008 I stayed 100% sober for about 20 months, and then relapsed in Feb. of this year. After 3 or 4 weeks things were going downhill rapidly as usual. Jim was well aware of my situation and encouraged me to try TSM. I was quite fortunate to have a doctor who had already wanted me to take nal (non-TSM style) so I was able to get started quickly. Results were immediate-a grand honeymoon, my units dropped to 4-6 a day and basically stayed there for a while. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but that would be the average. Booze was not ruling my life, and I truly enjoyed being able to have a few and know I was resetting my brain at the same time.
Mid-July my units started to spike and I started to worry. 4-6 became 10-12, cravings were up, I was drinking earlier in the day, more hangovers, anxiety, etc.. This went on into August and then quite suddenly units began to drop. I wanted this but can't say I was doing much about it. It really just happened. The last nights i drank the numbers were literally 8,7,6,5,4,3...0, and there I've been for the last 6 days.
The beauty of all this for me is that there is no "never again" thinking to be done. Should I grab a a beer or six tonight and suck it down I won't feel like I've failed in any way at all. We're not looking for medallions here. I do truly believe that as long as I always take nal before drinking the issue of severe relapse is a done deal. Being able to choose whether or not to drink is an enormous relief. That said I do plan to apply a bit of effort and see how long I can go as I am enjoying the clarity (not to mention the extra cash in my pocket!).
I hope this is encouraging for all. This shift for me was very quick and unexpected, and it seems this has been the case for others as well. All I can say is ALWAYS take your nal and keep going. As has been said many times here TSM is not a straight line or a smooth road. Spikes in units seem to be inevitable at some point along the way, and it certainly appears that they serve a purpose in relation to extinction. In my case I think I had to knock out some well ingrained patterns of mid-summer binges and day drinking. At one point I commented to Jim Clark that "drink as you normally would" was not sounding like such a great idea, but now I'm glad I rode it out. I can't even imagine a noontime beer at the moment. Extinction at work.
We'll see what happens, and I will post updates.
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