Nothing new to report. 117 units for week 11.

Friday was impressive. We took the girls on a big day out to a water park and he didn't drive us nuts wanting to leave and get home to the beer; didn't bring any with him. He only had 4 when we got home that evening (6 at home before noon for a total of 10 for that day).

I keep thinking he could bring his weekly units down to a safer level with just a little effort. But that's my non-alcoholic thinking.

114 units for week 12. Had an uneventful week. And that's a good thing.

Actually, let me tell a positive thing... Saturday evening we grabbed some DQ burgers and headed out to the lake to just sit and eat supper and watch the swimmers and boaters and the slow sunset. It was nice and he didn't insist on bringing a beer or two. We both had dr. peppers with our burgers. It was nice.

Week 14 and we are out of the triple digits this time with 82 units! 1 AF day, and 3 days with relatively low numbers (for him anyway).

Just before July 4th he kept talking about finishing what was in the fridge for the holiday and not buying any more. I think he was psyching himself up for it for a few days. He had every intention of quitting for the long-haul. It lasted about a day and a half. The desire and ability to do that for a day is a big step, I think.

Saturday he drank his normal weekend amount but we grabbed some fast food for supper late that night and when he went to the fridge to get a beer to go with it, he said 'I don't want that' and drank the fresh lime-ade I had made earlier. Didn't drink any more that night. Might not sound like a big deal to most people, but to us it is great.

So hoo-rah for a change in the routine! More ups and downs ahead, I'm sure, but that's OK.

Not wanting a beer? What's that like?

Sounds like things are progressing nicely. I had the brief honeymoon period and am now back to drinking about the same as I was before I started TSM, but I understand that's part of the journey. Had an AF day yesterday, but the urge built up until I had to have some tonight. Sounds like your hubs is well on his way, and bravo to you for being so supportive. I'm still trying to get my wife on board.

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This week's update is brought to you by... "Two Drunks and a Swimming Pool"!

And also by... "Two Wives Who Roll Their Eyes"!

Week 15... 131 units. Holy moly.

I have some interesting progress to report. Will try to spare you the drama that surrounds it all.

For reasons I'm sure you've all been through I was ready for him to leave. Even despite the hope of TSM. Skipping over details (which all of here have been through anyway) he ended up with a 9 beer limit each day (those big 16 oz ones). If he chooses to go over 9 he has to leave the house for the rest of the day/night. Sounds bitchy but I've had all I can take. (Most al-anon women are advised to leave the house when things get bad but I bought that way house before we ever married and I'm not going to drag my kids out sofa surfing with friends while a drunk passes out in my comfy bed.) Yeah, I didn't spare you the drama. Sorry.

Every day he has chosen to stop at 9 rather than leaving. Even when there is half a case of beer in the fridge.

On Wednesday he was out of beer and out of cash (day before payday) so he had an AF day. It was nothing like previous days of alcohol deprivation. He was relaxed, kept a good sense of humor, affectionate. Just a nice normal evening after work.

And then payday came. Along with a case of beer. And a cowboy's preseason game. Beer #9 came along and he was pissed about having to stop. Last night sucked far more than I am willing to say. I've spent a sleepless night and a drag-ass work morning in that detached, drained, ready to end the marriage, decision-making mode. (Don't worry, there's no physical abuse, it's all emotional, verbal, unfair, unpredictable, badgering bullshit).

He's off on Fridays and I went home at lunch with a question on my mind. He was washing dishes and I asked if, after these months of taking that medicine, can he tell if it was any easier having that alcohol-free day than it would have been a year ago? Is it any easier stopping at 9 than it would have been a year ago?

He said yes, it does feel easier. And the fact that he actually does stop at 9 demonstrates a lot. That deal we made would not have happened a year ago.

So. Here we are.

At this point I have no interest in a "reduced alcohol" marriage. I am only interested in an alcohol-free marriage. So we are either working toward a complete cure or we are calling it quits for staying together. I managed to say this to him, calmly and quietly. He understands.

So what was my point in this post (thinking); Oh, the completely pleasant AF day in the middle of week 19.

I am sorry on behalf of all of us drunks who are difficult to live with. I want to commend you for working so hard for your marriage. I am just beginning week 21 and have seen progress, but also ups and downs, and still not the sharp decline I am looking for. It's frustrating and I sometimes wonder if it will ever happen. but I see no reason to drink without Nal and feel I must stay the course until I know whether or not this will cure me.

I hope you can stick it out and see if he gets cured. if not, that doesn't make you any less of a great wife. reading your post made me tear up a little. Sometimes I still think about my ex and how my drinking problem ruined my marriage. she had faults too, and drinks a lot too, but the bottom line is she is a special person, she tried really hard, and I made it impossible to love me. but damnit I got sober for the 9 months we were separated and she wouldn't come back. that's bull......damn I need to get into some kind of healthy relationship and put that in the past for good. but licking this drink problem comes first. anyway I really hope y'all work it out cause it''s just so sad and painful to divorce.

I hope to God y'all get the cure! maybe this week will be better. maybe this month will bring the cure.

Far be it from me to apologize for difficult to live with drunk spouses, but note that at least his numbers have been down (relatively speaking) and he can do an AF day. There's some encouragement there.

However, if you're truly set on a no-alcohol marriage, you've got to be prepared for the possibility that that won't happen. Some of us end up sober, some end up moderate, at least from what I've seen. I'm one of the ones who is hoping to end up take-it-or-leave-it moderate with a lot of AF days, and as you can see I have a long way to go.

The number is in for week 19 and it is (drumroll please)... 65!

If you've read my previous post, you might call the number "forced" (which it is). But the fact that he is able and willing to stop drinking each day before things get too bad is amazing compared to where he was half a year ago.

He also mentioned that he actually felt good on that AF day. I had the bright idea of having an AF day after each case. He didn't think it was so bright.

At least we get to see some progress. There is reason to hope.

And Joe, I'm sorry my post made you feel bad. Most people here have probably beaten themselves up too much as it is. You seem to have a great attitude toward finding your cure and it seems like you're getting close. More power to you, friend; keep rockin.

And Luna, if "take it or leave it moderate" could also mean peace at home, no ugly behavior, no embarrassing idiocy, peace of mind (finally) for his parents and his daughter and my kids and me... that'd be great. But right now, the crack of the pull tab is a horrible sound in our lives.