I’ve been on this treatment for 12 weeks today. It’s been a bit of a crazy ride lately. I’m starting to feel scared that this may not work for me. I’ve read with great interest the progress of those of you who started around the same time as me (03/09/10) and am now taking a deep breath and realize that maybe I’m doing ok. And the insight from those that are cured inspires me. I do not want to give up hope!

I am drinking as much now as I did pre-TSM. After a brief drop in units in the first few weeks, I have made my way back up to where I was before. From what I have learned, this is ok, this is normal. I do still feel much more in control and “clear” when I’m drinking. I can count on one hand the number of times I have blacked out since starting TSM. There have been times when I’ve quit drinking before all the alcohol was gone - unheard of for me before treatment.

Had a scary moment yesterday. I threw up from drinking. It’s been years since this has happened to me - I could “out-drink” anyone and still be “standing” at the end of the night. But I’m hoping that this is a sign that TSM is working for me. Like my body and brain are just saying “HEY! Give it up for now!”

I want so much for TSM to work for me. I cannot go back to AA - there is just no way. I’m not working with my MD during this treatment. I’ve been considering increasing my dose to 75 mg. I’m also considering trying an alcohol-free day.

I’m scared. I’m still hopeful. Help.

mermaid

Mermaid I'm right with you. 11.5 weeks and drinking pretty hard again. Memorial day weekend may have had something to do with our recent binges, no? Stick with it. I have upped the dosage to 75 but don't really know if that will make the difference. I just want to make damn sure I'm blocking the endorphins. I threw up the other night, not because i was drunk but because I took a pull of whiskey that was too big. Weird. I had recently eaten, and i guess my body just didn't want it without the rush of endorphins to man up and keep it down like normal. but I have puked twice more in the last couple of weeks, which is something that happened before TSM that I wanted to end. Sounds like we are on an extinction burst! Lets keep in touch. If this doesn't work I'm going to try Baclofen! fvck AA!!! May I see you on the other side of this shvt ass addiction! Peace

Hi everyone,

Tomorrow marks 15 weeks of treatment for me. I’ve still been drinking at pretty high levels since I last posted, but the last few days have changed a bit for me. I’m sure it’s mostly because of a major change in “venue” for me…I arrived at our summer home in Canada on Friday with plans to stay here for at least 6 weeks. Now normally, drinking when I’m here is as natural as breathing - I start early and go all day. My time here is usually when I drink the most out of any time during the year. I’m talking an average of 15 to 20 beers a day. And usually a generous dose of Crown before bed.

Now I keep thinking how crazy it is for me to spend day after day totally wasted instead of truly enjoying one of the most beautiful places on earth. And not just crazy - stupid too! Our place is water-access only and it’s all rock and pine trees. Getting to the nearest hospital would take 2 hours if I seriously hurt myself unless someone could get to a phone and get a helicopter to come in. And with a new “toy” up here this summer - I’d have to be a complete idiot to get drunk and ride around on a 210 horsepower wave runner, especially with one of my kids on the back.

Incredibly, in the past, even though I knew how dangerous and irresponsible my behavior was, I didn’t care. Or at least I didn’t care enough or was too selfish to stop. It is not a pleasant thing to be on an island in the middle of nowhere with your entire family mad at you because you continually make a fool out of yourself! I’m lucky the worst I’ve ever done up here was break a toe!

For the first time since I was a kid, I feel so much more free here. Not chained to the island by the “beer fridge”. Getting so much more enjoyment out of fishing, kayaking, cooking, star-gazing, lollygagging in the sun with a good read, marathon Monopoly, Scrabble and Euchre games with the kids…how wonderful it would be for me to be able to call myself “cured” while in this favorite place of mine.

mermaid