Hi Mario. You are doing great. I can concur with that 'feeling'. I drank on Monday night - not because I wanted to - but out of habit (the 'bells') - because in the old days - the trigger was - Fri-Mon of a bank holiday - get blotto. I took a nal at 5pm and by 7pm - I had no interest in drinking - but I decided to have 1 or 2 - which turned into 4!!!!! Anyway - I wasnt too bad - no real hangover but I was a bit annoyed at myself.

Ok Im looking for reassurance here as Im begining to panic. Ive drank for the past 3 nights and I drank wine like it was water. I was chugging them back. For the first time since starting nal Ive had memory lapses not a total blackout but things are hazy about last night. Even prior to nal I normally didnt drink mid week. Its almost as if nal has completly stopped working. Im 16 weeks in at this stage. I know we can expect upticks but this feels a lot more than a bit of an uptick. For the first time I woke this morning with the old thoughts and fears of being an uncontrollable drunk. Has anyone else experienced such a surge in quantity and cravings. My mind is racing with worry.

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Mario, week 16 was my all-time record breaking week, at 60 drinks (and that was a guess!). I spent the whole week drinking tequila straight out of the bottle. It was an unprecedented orgy of intoxication, but it was soon after that the cure found me. Not saying that its just the same, but these thing do happen. Don't freak out: this could be a major extinction burst!

Thanks DOMD and Firebird

Ive spent the last couple of hours reading progress threads of the cured list. It helps to clear my mind of the doubts.

I drank about 10 units last night but at least I didnt black out. Woke up this morning very depressed. I know it will lift in a couple of days if I just dont drink. I always have suffered from the post alcohol blues especially after a 4 or 5 night binge. Im in a crappy place right now with tsm. I know I shouldnt drink tonight or I will be in a black depression tomorrow but on the other hand I have strong cravings. I hate this effin disease.

Mario,

Reading your posts really hits home for me. It so reminds me that even when TSM is working it can still leave us with such cravings, such doubts . . . Sometimes even when you know it is working it can leave you wondering how it is that the thoughts of alcohol still remain, or even grow stronger. Even if things have improved drastically. it can be hard to believe in the cure when alcohol is still so much a fact of life.

All I can say is that there is a time, maybe a while down the road, where the thoughts of alcohol will simply cease to be. There is a place in the cure where you can almost forget you were ever sick in the first place. That's why some of the cured don't hang around here too much: now that we can finally forget we don't really want to remember.

But if a little remembering helps someone else get here then it is well worth it! There is a place - it is not bullshit - where alcohol, with all its powers, temptations and miseries, will simply go away from your life. So hang in there Mario, and anyone else who is struggling with the doubt that TSM might just be too good to be true.

This is like winning the lottery, only if I had won the lottery pre TSM they would have found me dead under a pile of bottles. So dare I say it is better than winning the lottery by a long shot!

TSM is a journey, and as with any journey you want to have a destination in mind. But sometimes when the going gets tough you just need to concentrate on taking each next step. TSM gives us the recipe for that: when the doubts take over STOP! Clear your mind. All you have to do is this: take a nal, wait an hour, drink as usual. There will be plenty of time to ruminate on the possibility of failure later. Sometimes it's just put one foot in front of the other.

Firebird thank you so, so much for your contined support. Without you and this site I would be in misery right now. I still actually am but it helps to come in here and read other peopls posts especially the old timers. Its just difficult right now to believe there is an end in sight. Im quiet down at the moment and I havent been that way since I was drinking three years ago. I do still have faith in tsm but its just hard right now.

I'm only a few weeks behind you, and I puked a few times and had one total blackout in week 11. Then in week 12 I had the lowest number week I've had yet, and that was without any AF days. They are right when they talk of the ups and downs. stick with it. I think it's working!

Hey Mario,
I've been surfing around the forum today with the booze blues myself, so I thought I'd reach out to you. I've been doing TSM for 18 weeks. I had a brief "honeymoon" the first week which was quickly followed by typical drinking numbers. Then they dropped and then they went up again. My weekly units are still not impressive, but what is impressive are all the subtle changes that TSM has made in my life, from being able to keep alcohol in the house without drinking every last drop to vastly reduced cravings and obsessive thoughts of alcohol. Dr. Eskapa says that this addiction reversal process is buried quite deep in our subconscious mind, so feeling and being aware of changes on a daily basis is next to impossible. Also, many of us fall into the trap of putting ourselves under the microscope, analyzing every little step and we wait (very impatiently) to be cured....quickly.

I also think it is in our nature as addicts to be somewhat addicted to suffering and misery, so we look for the negative, for this TSM to fail (hangovers don't help our clarity!), and we worry and obsess. All of this worrying/obsessing takes the focus away from the real work which is to start connecting on a deeper level with life, with friends, with family, and ourselves.

What everyone says is true, just take naltrexone 1 hour before you drink and let it do its work/magic. The TSM line is definitely not a straight one and getting cured quickly isn't an option for most of us, but thank goodness it is the gift that most of us will receive at the end of this journey. I've kept a record of my progress, for my sanity and to hopefully help others, on my blog: http://adventuresoftoxicgirl.blogspot.com/

Good luck Mario, don't lose faith, and remember--Betty Davis said it the best, "buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride."

Thanks Folks,

Coming out of the funk a little. The anxiety and panicky feelings are mostly gone. I didnt, nor did I have any desire to drink on Saturday and yesterday I had decided I was only going to have three small beers early afternoon and was glad that I felt content to leave the pub and go home. I knew if I drank a lot yesterday I would still be panicky and jumpy today.

I am commited to tsm and will just have to fasten my seatbelt for the ride ahead.